It's Your Attitude

Your attitude is not the main thing ...it is the only thing.  

I read this the other day and it made me think for a moment.  Really?  It's the only thing?  This needed an answer, and after investing a little time into this quote, several ideas emerged.
 

Life has a way of beating us up now and then.  Eleanor Roosevelt made the statement: "85% of what happens to you, you have no control over".  If this is true, then everyone of us need to understand it is not what happens to us but rather how we handle it that makes all the difference in how our life works out.
 
This does not mean everything is good and there are no problems or challenges.  I know better and you should too.  By simply saying everything is great when it is not, is not the right answer, nor is it emotionally healthy.
 
Choosing to have a good attitude is just that, a choice, just like you chose to get up this morning and you chose the clothes you wanted to wear.  We make choices everyday, every hour and sometimes, every minute.  So we too choose our attitudes.
 
I have been told by friends, more than once, I am the most positive person they know.  Although I do not claim to be purposefully positive, I do admit to choosing to be happy.  From everything I can see, being positive is just a by-product. 
 
I really don't know if a good attitude makes everything ok or helps to solve every problem we face.  I do know though, having a poor attitude makes life far more difficult than it needs to be and is downright draining.  Who in their right mind wants to be around someone with a crappy attitude?  It's exhausting!

Life is too short to get hung up on what will be thrown at you.  Ask any 90 year old and they will tell you, life goes by faster than you can imagine.  Why spend the short amount of time we have together getting hung up on the small stuff?  Years ago my mentor used to ask me: "Scott, will this matter five years from now?"  The majority of time, the answer was an obvious no.

Chances are, today will not be perfect nor will tomorrow or next week or next month.  But today you can choose to look beyond the struggles of the moment and enjoy the gifts and blessings all around you.  If your happiness and joy are on the line here, why would you let that be taken from you?

Have a great Friday and Happy New Year everyone, be blessed.
 

Something is Missing at Christmas

With it only being days away from Christmas, a lot of excitement is building… but there is something missing, or rather, someone missing.

Christmas trees are up, stockings are hung and gifts are wrapped.  Families have confirmed the times they will be getting together and anticipation has begun to build.

Kids are excited as they watch the amount of presents under the tree grow, in hopes that they will get everything on their list they asked for.  Parents everywhere go 90 miles an hour up until Christmas trying to have everything perfect.

But for some, not everything will be perfect, no matter how hard you try.  In your heart, you know there is a hole and not even the best Christmas dinner or the most expensive of gifts will fill the void.  Oh some may try, but none will succeed.

The hole is there because someone close to you, a child, parent or family member was taken before it was their time.  Maybe due to cancer, an auto accident or other unfair circumstances.  Regardless of the why, they will not be sitting at the dinner table nor sharing in the joy this holiday season.

Life is not always fair, we know this.  It does, however, provide us with laughter, joy and fond memories, plus the emotional connection we have with those whom we love.  Sometimes not even the strongest and deepest of love is enough to cover the hole of that person being taken from us.

Had I known the Christmas of 1990 would be the last one with my mom, I would have done a few extra things to make it more memorable.  Sadly enough, I don’t remember much of that Christmas but I clearly remember the following year when Mom was not there.  As you could imagine, it was not even a little bit enjoyable.

People all around us will be celebrating Christmas without someone they love.  Although they may not say it and will hold back their emotions in public, inside, they are hurting.  The sadness felt is real and heavy.  Most would be willing to trade years of their life for just a few more minutes with their special person. 

I know this well because I have lived it.  While my heart is joyful watching my daughter’s glee with excitement, the other side mourns, knowing my mom never got to see her granddaughters open their gifts, or have cookies and milk with them at Christmas time.

This season, folks everywhere will have aching hearts.  Christmas won’t be the same but yet it will come and go, just like it always has.

Take a little time this holiday season to remember the good times you had with them.  Take those warm memories and replay them in your mind.  Let yourself smile and allow yourself to feel the joy you once shared with them.  It’s what they would want.

From my house to yours, have a great Christmas everyone, be blessed.

Is Your Past Hindering Your Future

The only time our future is determined by our past is when we allow it to be.

I read a quote a while back that reminded me that each of us get to choose our level of happiness and healthiness as we move through life.  It is: “make peace with your past so it does not interfere with your future.” 

As I read this, thoughts of past events, heartaches, disappointments, failed relationships and confrontations between family members stirred in my thoughts.  Most of these have all been dealt with and laid to rest.  Their memories live on while the pain has been squelched through forgiveness and communication.

What if these things had not been dealt with?  Even having half of them not dealt with will have a significant pull on us emotionally and mentally.  The more common term for this: skeletons in the closet.

Our subconscious mind holds onto past events, emotions and feelings long after they have happened.  The conscious mind however (the part of the mind we are well aware of)

helps us focus on our day-to-day tasks and doing what needs to be done.  Therefore it is all too easy to forget the power of the subconscious and the strongholds it can keep.

Even the slightest hurts and disappointments are kept and not forgotten by the subconscious.  Over the years it is easy to see how a long compiled list can be kept and not dealt with in the subconscious.  What does this mean for us?

Think of the subconscious like a filter.  It filters events from the time we are born.  What happens is the filter tends to become plugged and can no longer do its job.  Think of it like an air filter on a car.  When the filter is no longer capable of doing its job, the rest of the car’s engine starts to suffer and becomes less efficient.  The same principal holds true in you and I.

Dealing with all the hurts of our past, no matter how small, ensures us of a healthy mental and emotional future.  It is the unseen things that are holding us back. Healthy discussions with a counselor, Pastor or a friend with whom you have deep trust, who has the ability to genuinely listen, are all great resources to help you.

We cannot change the past but we can surely deal with it and put it to rest, no matter how little or significant those events might be. Don’t think this does not matter, it matters greatly!

Deal with your past.  Put it to rest.  Forgive and let go.  This does not mean we forget, it does mean we refuse to let the past hold us back from a future filled with peace and happiness.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Why Not Ramp Up Now?

This year has gone by fast and now we find ourselves in the last weeks of 2011.  With a new year only days away, many of us will be putting new goals and resolutions in place for the upcoming year.  What I constantly see is that too many people wait on implementing those new goals until it is too late, thus setting themselves up for failure.

The body can only go where the mind is willing to lead and who has control over the mind?  You do, or at least you should.  Meaning, we take control over what we want and where we want to go in life by our thoughts.  With that being said, if we are going to make changes, set goals and change our life, why not start ramping up now?  We can do this by choosing what we think about.

Years ago, I discovered that when I set a goal or want to make a substantial change in my life, I need to ramp up mentally.  That is, weeks in advance, I purposefully start to look at things differently and start to think and focus on the changes I need to make in order to turn in the direction of my goals.  This not only gives me mental readiness, it also strengthens me.  This technique has made a world of difference for me in not only setting goals, but sticking with them, regardless of what tries to detour me.

People everywhere, from all walks of life, want to make changes.  Changes in their weight, jobs, relationships and income are the most common.  The thing that occurs all too often is a lack of follow-through.  When it gets hard, or inconvenient, the goal that was once the answer now becomes the problem, so people quit.  If this is you, I am not trying to make you feel bad, I only want to help you break through this roadblock and find success in achieving what you want.

Changing our daily routine and habits is not easy, not for any of us.  So, let’s get real with ourselves for a moment.  Doing more of what did not work in the past will not make it work any better in the future.  This is just a fact of life.  Accept it and move on.  There is no reason to keep spinning your wheels to only be disappointed with yourself down the road.  Understand that something different must be implemented.

When you set your goals, do something that will support and encourage where you want to go.  Like it was for me, maybe mentally ramping up could make all the difference.  Begin to think about your goal.  Study it and mentally bring it to your conscious thinking.  Then, by the time you write the goal down (because that is critical with any goal) you are ahead of the game and are already committed, both in your heart and mind.

Take the next couple of weeks and think about what you really want to change.  Maybe you feel like God is calling you in a certain direction and until now, you have been a little hesitant.  Has it been on your mind to start a business?  How about losing that last 20 lbs?  Start now and mentally lay out a plan of what and how that will look like.  Then, write it down.

Don't wait!  Now is the time for action because, thoughts do become things.
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

At One Point, We Were All Failures

Did you know each one of us could be called a failure?  It's true.  We have failed at many things.

When you and I were babies learning how to stand, we probably fell a lot.  Eventually, after a lot of practice, we learned how to stand, but in the beginning, we were failures.

Once we learned, we tried walking.  Our first step resulted in us falling.  We probably fell more times than could be counted.  We were failures.

As we grew, we wanted to learn how to ride a bicycle.  So, our parents would run beside us, keeping us from tipping over.  Once they let go, we usually fell.  Of course we got back up and tried again but sure enough, eventually we would fall again.  You could say we were failing at riding a bike.

In school, when learning math and reading, we would pronounce a word incorrectly or calculate our math problems the wrong way, and what would happen?  Once again, we were failing.  Granted, we kept trying and learned, but this also brought more failure.   Very few of us got all of our school work 100% correct.

Even when it came time to drive a car, many of us failed.  Remember your first time trying to drive a stick shift?  How many times did you kill the engine?  How many times did you over rev the engine and let the clutch out too fast, resulting in a rather scary quick start?  Turning a corner too soon or waiting too long to use the brakes and then having to press hard so you didn't over shoot the stop sign?  Every one of us have failed in our driving at some point.
 
I could go on, this list could be endless.  We live life, learn and grow based on failures.  We learn from them and they teach us.  I believe every person’s life is a history of failed events, one right after another.  The single most important key is that we learn form those failures and don’t repeat them.  

As a child, no one told us to give up after we fell when we tried walking.  No one said to put the bike back in the garage and just forget it.  No one ever said driving was not important and just drop the idea.  Instead, our parents, teachers or coaches, encouraged us to get back up and try it again. 

As adults, most of us have forgotten this way of thinking.  When did we lose the mindset of, pick your self up and give it another try?  Society seems to be filled with those who are scared of failing.  This could be due to the risk, reputation or even fear of the unknown.  The only time failure is actually failure is when we don’t learn from our mistakes. 

I have watched my youngest daughter take risks and try things over and over again that to me, seemed senseless.  My adult perspective didn’t want to see her fail.  What she has reminded me of is that part of being a child is to not fear failure.

Life really is about failing forward and learning as we go.  We make mistakes and regardless of the outcome, we keep moving forward.  Kids, have this pegged to a tee!  We could learn a lot from kids and their persistence when it comes to not taking failure as defeat.

How many times have we been afraid of failing so we wouldn’t take the first step?  What if you and I never got back up after we fell when learning how to walk?  Life sure would be a whole lot different for all of us!

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Raising Kids With a Healthy Mind Set, Final

Core values, accepting responsibility, admitting when we are wrong… we have covered some important topics.  Now, what are you going to do with this information?

Our kids may never say it or express it, but they want us to be the best parents we can be.  They want us to lead them.  Set an example.  Better yet, be an example.  The phrase, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” holds a lot of merit.  Kids tend to follow the path of what they see.

They need us to encourage, support and be their biggest cheerleader.  In things like sports, scholastic and studies, kids look to their parents for acceptance and approval.  If we do not provide it, they will seek it somewhere else.  If I were to ask your kids, “Do Mom and Dad give you their support on the things you’re passionate about?”  What would they say?

Raising kids is a lot more about taking responsibility than it is about being perfect.  No one has ever expected us to be perfect parents but striving to become better, learn and grow along the way, absolutely! 

We all know kids do not come with a manual (although there are thousands of resources available).  Learning as we go, or on-the-job training is what most of us do.  There is nothing wrong with this.  The bigger question is, are we truly striving to be a better parent today than yesterday?  If your employer expected you to become more efficient and as you grow, shouldn’t we adopt the same principal to raising our kids?

In some cases we were raised with parents who were not as supportive or patient as they could have been.  I am one of those and looking back, it is obvious what a difference this made growing up.  There were many negative experiences.  If you were raised in a similar childhood you understand what I mean.

The good news is, you do not have to raise your kids like you were raised.  You can change.  You can make a decision right now and affirm the buck stops here.  I was raised like that but it does not mean I had to be the same as my parents.  It is all choice.

The second part to “the apple does not fall far from the tree” is we can choose to pick up our apple and move it.  Did you know you can do that?  Over the centuries, many have, and it all starts with choice.  It takes an internal heartfelt choice to do something different today than you did yesterday. 

Nearly 15 years ago, I made that choice and you can too.

Kids don’t need the newest flashy things, they need you.  Are you going to step up to the plate and give them your best or are you going to go through life and think it doesn’t matter? 

The choice is yours.  When they become adults, society will know which decision you made.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Part 3 Raising Kids With A Healthy Mind Set

Identifying core values, dealing with the past and taking responsibility.  As a parent, can you say you have done all of these?  This is part three in the series of raising kids with a healthy mindset.  

We can and should be ready when it comes to raising kids.  The three areas we have covered so far are key elements.  These aren’t new or creative, these are basic principals to build on.

Do the ideas shared seem difficult to grasp?  Does it seem like too much work?  If so, you are not alone.  From the beginning of time, personal change has been one of the toughest actions to develop.  It is, however, the most rewarding.  Becoming a better you improves every aspect of life.  With regard to raising kids, it makes a profound difference.

Is it easy?  No, it is not.  Is it worth it?  Yes, without a doubt!  Will your kids and grand kids benefit from you becoming a better you?  Absolutely yes!  Like every other aspect of life, it requires change.  The key to understand, it is not the challenge people struggle with.  We are challenged everyday.  It is the change that is difficult.

Quite often, for people to change, there must be a big enough reason, a reward of some sort, something to motivate us.

I clearly remember the day when my first daughter was born.  It was fall, cool in temperature and a day my wife and I had long been looking forward to.  Every parent knows what I mean.  It was the day my entire being, my reason for living, took on a new dimension.

As I held her fragile little body in my arms for the very first time, I understood that she was my responsibility and my obligation.  Not only to provide for her but to love her.  I had to set and live an example for her.  This innocent newborn child needed everything I was capable of giving to her.  Not just a few things, everything!

It was in those first few weeks of her life that I came to realize and accept I needed to be a great father.  In order to do so, I had to seek greatness.  Growing as a person had been enough, but now there was greater reason.

Holding my newborn daughter in those early days added fuel to my fire.  She deserved a great father!  Our kids deserve great parents but at the same time, we cannot give them what we do not have.

As they grow up, they will live their own lives as they should.  Parents should make conscious efforts to do everything they can to give their kids the tools to live healthy, productive, fulfilling lives.  If parents don’t, who will?

Next week we will wrap up this series on raising kids with a healthy mindset.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Raising Kids With A Healthy Mind Set Part 2

We can and we should be ready when it comes to raising kids. No, it is not easy. Question is, are you as ready as you could be? There is one thing we always have control over, no matter what the circumstance. You and I have the choice to deal with our past. No matter what, no matter when, it is our choice! Last week, I shared the why with you. This week I will cover the how with regard to raising kids with a healthy mindset. Our kids need us to be the best parent we can be. In a world where negative influences run rampant, we, as parents, must understand it is up to us to set the stage and give our kids the right foundation. It is not up to the schools, teachers or even family. We chose to bring them into this world, so it is us to take responsibility. Too often, parents go with the flow in terms of style. We have all seen this right? The problem is, when we go with the flow and simply float along with the current, we are susceptible to anything that catches our attention. Going with the flow or even what society says is normal, is risky. This style does not give our kids the tools they need to live a solid, healthy life. Have you ever recognized what your core values are as a parent? Chances are, they will be similar to what you value as a person. Take a few minutes and write down what those values are. What is truly important to you? When people, business and society shake you up, what is it that you stand for? Write these down before reading on. Now, read them out loud to yourself. How many do you have? Think about them, ponder them. Have you ever waivered on them? Just so you know, if you have, you have also started the process of diminishing your self image and self respect. The bigger question is, do you want your kids to follow the same suit? What you do and say is the example your kids will follow. Core values give us a foundation. We need to identify and understand what they are. If making out your list was difficult, this could be an indicator that you need to get in touch with them. Every business, organization and relationship has core values by which they operate. Deviating from them usually means harsh consequences. When it comes to raising kids, it is no different. Knowing our core values gives each of us a starting place. Without them, how do we know what we stand for? Teach your kids about them, they deserve to live a healthy life. Next week we move on to part three of this series. Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Raising Kids With a Healthy Mindset

We are not just raising kids; we are raising moms, dads, business people and tomorrows leaders. Are we giving them all the preparation they need? I have heard countless times we are never quite ready to have kids, let alone raise them. Never ready? There are a lot of things we can get ready for and I believe raising kids is one of them. What we need is the understanding and awareness of what being ready means. There are multiple aspects to raising kids, none which are very easy. As parents, we need to be aware of these aspects and understand how they work and affect us. Our kid’s mental and emotional health is at stake. Doesn’t it make sense that we need to equip them as best we can? It use to be considered enough to love and provide for our kids. That old school way of thinking did not account for our children's mental, emotional and self image. These are rarely spoken of but play a huge roll in raising successful kids. The saying, “We are never really ready to raise kids,” does not set well with me, I could not disagree more. Our society has helped to shape our thinking as the only way to be ready, is financially. Although important, it is far from the only item on the, “being ready” list. What about self love and emotional stability? Positive self talk and parental verbal reinforcement are important. Anger issues, if any, should be dealt with. Ignoring them will not make them go away. Of all these, there is one common denominator and that is, choice. We can ignore these, or work on them but that is a choice. Aside from inherited disorders, there are no predestined elements. We can make them workable and manageable in our own lives so our kids receive double benefits. This introduction is the first of a series on raising kids with a healthy mindset. Kids need their parents, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. The problem is, too many parents are leaving out the last two of the three. Where does a healthy self image come from? It mostly comes from the parents and their surroundings. Are we showing and teaching our kids everything we should be? It could be what we are not doing that causes the most harm and were probably not even aware of it. Next week, we will dive into what it means to be ready. There are multiple things we can do for our kids, so that they can be ready for life and that we program them in a healthy way. I have never met anyone who wanted to be a failure at raising kids. My hope is this series will increase your awareness to be an even more successful parent. Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

What is Reality

Have you heard someone say, “that’s not reality?” To that, ask, “what is reality?” Oddly enough, most people don’t understand what reality is. Is reality the world around us? Is reality our lives as we know it? It has been said that reality is what is factual and true too each of us. Factual and true, if this is the case, what we believe to be true is our reality. Our beliefs, healthy or unhealthy, largely determine our reality. Because of this we all have a slightly different view of reality because we all believe differently. Why is it that some believe making a million dollars a year in income is not reality while others do it? Their reality is different. This does not mean are beliefs can break universal laws. The only place we can find success before work, is in the dictionary. Just as gravity grounds us, universal laws work 100% of the time. It is our reality that works with these laws and makes the difference. What do we believe to be true for ourselves and our life? These beliefs we have total control over. Our self image, confidence, what we expect from ourselves and what value we set on ourselves control a large part of our reality. Association also plays a roll in our reality. Like attracts like so our friends say a lot about how we see ourselves. My mentor years ago had an income well above 100,000 a year. It had been this way for years. It didn’t matter what he did. His strengths worked in his favor, but more than anything, he believed this was what he was worth and how he was to provide for his family. It wasn’t a big deal to him he was actually quite humble about it. His reality was different from most people. Have you ever thought, “I could never make 150,000 a year?” If so, it is because of your belief. You don’t believe you’re worth that much. My mentor not only believed it, he expected it and got it! The beliefs we hold internally can only express themselves externally, which comes in the form of our actions. Your beliefs and reality have brought you to where you are now. If you choose different beliefs, you will create a different reality. Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Out of the Vault...a Classic

Americans love watching movies. Romance, action, thrillers, we want them to make us laugh, cry and keep us on the edge of our seat. Then, when everything is quiet, they scare the heck out of us! Movies take us out of our own reality and put us into a fictional character’s life. They help us remember faith, hope and love are real and always win. Who doesn’t love to be inspired by a good movie? Not too long ago, I watched a movie that had a profound impact on me. The first time I saw the film I missed it, but the second time I got it. Rocky Balboa comes back for a final Rocky movie. He is older, his wife has passed, his son is his own man and now he needs to fight one last time. The film never made it big like the previous Rocky films. It never even made it to the top of the charts. Through the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s, Rocky inspired us. You have to admit, after watching a Rocky movie you could tackle just about anything! His son has just learned his dad is going to fight and he is not happy about it. The two are talking at night, outside of Rocky’s restaurant. Over the years, his son has become a victim to life and wants to talk his dad out of fighting. As the mood builds, the next words that Rocky says are life changing: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody will hit as hard as life… but it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward! How much you can take and keep moving forward! That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth but you have to be willing to take the hit and pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you want to be because of him or her or anybody is what cowards do and that ain’t you, you’re better than that!” This is life 101 folks! “It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Rocky’s statement to his son was so hard hitting, it stopped me in my tracks! Every man and woman who has ever achieved great things in their life would all agree with this statement. What happens, happens to all of us. The question is, will you keep moving forward? You need to watch the movie if you haven’t already.. Life is about getting up after you have been beaten down. If you can accomplish this, you will be far ahead of the pack. Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Everything Changes

I have a family member whom I have repeatedly heard say, “I like me the way I am, there is no reason to change, I am staying this way.” Not willing to change… Huh. I beg to differ on that, everything changes regardless. In general, people do not like change. Yet everywhere around us, change is happening. The town and cities we live in are constantly changing. Our bodies grow older every minute, young kids get taller and the cars we drive wear out. So, everything around us is in a constant state of change…so does this mean we are too? Here is a thought to ponder: does money change people or does it simply magnify what is already there? Does addiction change people, or does it only show what is already within? Does love change people or…well, you get the picture. People say that change is hard, yet things change all the time, all around us. Everyday, trees grow taller and grass grows longer. Seasons change, the weather changes, our clothes wear out, our hearing weakens, our weight is up or down, and worst yet, our hair falls out and or turns grey! (I can relate to both of those.) The more I think of these, the more I realize the list of change could go on forever. From everything I can see, people don’t resist change, they resist being changed. This makes more sense. When it is our choice to change, we can even like it. Losing weight, starting a new job or career, making a new relationship or implementing new habits are all change and we embrace them. Notice how people enjoy the season of fall. They embrace it! The leaves turn beautiful colors, vegetation becomes green again and the warm nights are replaced with crisp, cool air. That is change if I ever saw it. So what is it so many people resist when it comes to change? Most emotions and feelings are based on two factors, security and fear. Our nature is to hang on to what we have while feeling comfortable having it. If we like what we have, why change it? After all, changing could mean loss and that is fearful. To a degree, refusing to change is selfish. Nature and all else around us constantly change. In fact, change is beneficial in many ways. Think about the farmer who plants a crop. He is banking on the changing weather to aid him in producing a harvest. Our society is largely dependent on seasons for travel, while our reservoirs and dams use snow runoff for the benefit of irrigation and summer activities. It’s not that we don’t like change; we just don’t want others changing us. In fact, we need change. Our lives are dependent on it. Better off to accept it and embrace it, if you haven’t already. Have a blessed Friday everyone.

When we Want it Bad Enough...

This last summer, I was teaching my youngest daughter, who is five, how to ride a bicycle. I had worked with her many times but the last time, I noticed that she became less interested and I, in return became frustrated. In midsummer, I threw away her training wheels. I wanted her to ride the bike the way it was intended to be ridden. Her neighbor friends were riding their bikes and she kept telling me she wanted to learn. So, with a little inspiration from her dad, she was usually willing to give it another try. During our last attempt, I could tell she was not giving it sincere effort. I saw my own patience growing thinner. The day I thought would be the magic day was quickly becoming just the opposite. In my frustration, I took a step back, and realized what was going on. She did not share my same desire. She wanted to ride, but not bad enough. For whatever reason, human nature demands that we truly desire something before we will give it our heartfelt effort. I don’t understand why this is, I just know it is. History has shown us this as far back as we can look. We want to make more money but we don’t. We want healthier relationships but we don’t. We want to kick unhealthy habits but we don’t. We want to exercise more but we don’t. The list is huge! Why? Because wanting is not enough, we have to hunger for it. Often we have to make or break habits in order to get what we want and it is not always easy. In fact, it can be downright daunting. This element alone is why we have to hunger for something before we will do what is needed to get it. Within a lot of us lies the want but there is an internal battle that takes place. This battle rages between what we want and what we have always known. Which one will win is largely determined by the one we feed. We must be ready and willing to take the risk to do something new to get something we have never had before. This is not always comfortable and fear can sometimes raise its ugly head. But you know what fear is, right? It is nothing more than: False, Evidence, Appearing Real. I know when my daughter reaches a point of truly wanting to ride her bike, she will. It won’t be because her dad pushed her, it will be because she was ready and willing to take the risk to get something she has never had before. Only then will she climb on the bike and ride it. Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Part 7 of 7 on The Mindset of Success

Paying the price. What does this mean to you? Last week, I gave you some things to think about when it comes to paying the price for success. Now, be honest for a moment with yourself. Did you have thoughts run through your mind that maybe not everyone pays the price? Maybe there are some who get away without paying a huge price. Did you have these thoughts? No matter who you are, what your age, what your financial position or where you are from, everyone will pay some sort of price when striving to become a success. Yes, those prices may look and feel different. Some may have less work while others take greater risks. Others may not pay the price with money and use their sweat equity but I assure you, a price will be paid. There is simply no other alternative. No get-rich-quick scheme on planet earth will make you a success, nor will any one person make you a success because success on any level, will involve the cooperation and collaboration of other people. Not only will a price be paid, but the price is not negotiable. You can’t reason with it, buy it, barter with it…these things are simply not possible. To become a true success on any level will require sincere commitment, passion and the willingness to grow, change and become. (Hey didn’t we talk about “becoming” in part five of this series?) All these things are part of the price which must be paid. This is why, when I began this series, I spoke about passion in my first few messages. It is passion that will push us through. It is the passion from within that will cause us to do things that may make us look a little crazy to the rest of the world. Passion, regardless of what it is, will give us the fuel to pay the price when the price might not always be fun. Have you dug down deep and thought about what your passion is? What is it that gets you excited and gives you energy? Do you have something in your life that you really want to accomplish or work toward? Do you feel like you are called to do it? Can you see it in your mind? Can you visualize what you want to do? If we are going to be a true success, all of these questions demand an answer. I am not talking about making a lot of money, we have already addressed that aspect. I am talking about taking on a noble cause or working in a very specific direction to become the very best of something in a specific field. To become known as an industry expert at something you are passionate about. Oh yes, you will pay a price to get there. No, you cannot negotiate and take the easy road. I love hearing the stories of great achievers and the price they paid to get where they are. Some I have listened to many times and every time I do, I am inspired in my own walk of what I see my own success to be one day. I am enjoying (although I will admit it is not always convenient) paying the price for what I can one day see my own success to be. I think we all have to, to some degree. It is the “becoming” while paying the price, that consistently defines who we are and how seriously we are taking our passion. Above all, I pray this seven part series has shown you and aided you to realize what real success is and how it is obtained. I hope within you, I have either cultivated those seeds or planted seeds in your life that one day will lead to a harvest. But that decision will be entirely up to you. Not your spouse, not your boss, not the company you work for and not me. It is all up to you and what you do every day from this point forward which will determine your own personal success at whatever level that might be. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey and remember, find your passion, feed it, then follow it, because that is where you will find your own success. Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Part 6 of 7 The Mindset of Success

Material things, big incomes, fulfillment, and who are we becoming. We have covered a lot of important topics in this seven part series on the Mindset of Success. I am hoping you are getting valuable ideals and thought-provoking discussion from all of this. There are some great topics here that are very enlightening when it comes to success. This is week six of seven in this series and this week and next, I am going to discuss the price that must be paid when it comes to achieving success. So many times, so often, from so many people, I continue to hear things that disturb me regarding achievement and success. There is always someone who has the magic “shortcut” to success. You can find them on late night TV, cable channels and everywhere on the internet. Literally, if you go looking for them you can find them everywhere. I admit, when I was younger, get-rich-quick schemes caught my eye all too often. I wanted to make a lot of money and I really didn’t care how I did it. I even came up with a few crazy ideas (thank God I never followed through on them) of my own that today I laugh about. But as I have matured and grown wiser with time, I have a very different belief of what it truly means to ”pay the price for success.” I heard Jack Canfield (Co-Author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series) say: “if a person is willing to do a lot for a little, one day, he or she can then expect to get a lot while doing very little.” Jack is referring here to paying the price for success. What are we willing to do today that may not pay much of a return right now, but down the road, could pay us back a lot? I have met and spoken with countless people who have made their businesses a success over time. The one consistent common denominator I hear over and over again is that when they started their business, they worked, worked and worked some more for very little pay and in some cases, no pay at all. I know some of you may think this is crazy. To work and work and not get paid? That makes no sense. Yet all across our country and as far back as the biblical days, there are stories of this commitment time and time again. People who sowed seeds, worked and sowed more seeds, followed by more work, to hopefully, someday, reap a harvest from their efforts. This is what paying the price is all about. I will agree that working your butt off and not getting paid for it does not sound like much fun. There are two key elements here that you need to be aware of when you commit the time and energy toward something, realizing your payday may be down the road. The first is that the person who puts in their hard efforts, believe in themselves. They know from deep within, they can make things happen. They have a high level of self confidence and self image. The other is that they have a heartfelt interest in what they are doing. They are passionate about it, they spend time strategizing and dreaming, and feel that one day all of their hard work will pay off. They know what they are doing will make a difference. These two traits make all the difference when it comes to paying the price for success. To a large degree, you could say that people who possess these two traits actually don’t mind paying the price for success. Some even enjoy it. It is their passion, commitment, determination and belief that drives them, even when there are little to no results or benefits from their immediate actions. Others sit back and look at these people and think they are crazy. Why do so much for so little? It makes no sense. Oddly enough, years later, those who aren’t willing to pay the price often want to call the successful lucky, they just got a lucky break. Yet all along, those with the passion, vision and belief paid the price day in and day out, week after week and month after month, regardless of the outcome. Next week, we will wrap this series up with WHAT PRICE YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY if you are going to become a success. Have a great weekend everyone and be blessed.

Part 5 of 7 on the Mindset of Success

Last week, I talked about fulfillment. Can you honestly say that you have this in your life? Have you ever had it? If you haven’t you may even be having a hard time understanding what fulfillment really is. If this is you, it’s ok. It took me some time to grasp at it too. Go back over the material often and let it soak in, any new idea or new concept will take time to absorb, but trust me, it will be way worth it. This week, I want to talk about the person you will become as you gain the mindset of success. Because the mindset is all internal, it will cause us to look at many things in a different way and when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change. One of my all-time favorite quotes by Jim Rohn says this: “Learn to work harder on yourself than you do your job.” Why is this? Primarily because of the person you will become. You see, there are many, and I do mean many, outside factors all around us that we cannot change. Things like the weather, the economy, government, inflation, taxes, the way other people treat us, the way our neighbor treats us, the way our boss treats us, all these things we really can’t change. But the one and only thing we can do is change ourselves. We can do this by the way we think, what we believe, and what our philosophy is. These three key components determine who we are right now, the way we were and the way we will be next year. What am I talking about here? I am talking about the person you will need to become if you truly want to be successful, because chances are, you cannot obtain the level of success you want and desire based on your current level of thinking, belief and philosophy. If this were not true, then you would have already reached the success you want. Most people see success as something they get. The fancy cars, the big homes, boats, motor homes, extravagant vacations. While those things can be a way to measure success, the more accurate measurement should be looked at with regard to who the person has become. How have they grown and changed? How have they matured? What is their work ethic like? What is their philosophy, their mindset? These characteristics are key factors and telltale signs of true, solid success. I can only connect one main thing together in both of these scenarios: It all came down to the kind of person they each became based on how they thought, what they believed and what their philosophy was. Everything else, from what I can see, can be put under those categories. True, solid success comes from the internal, not the external, and who we become will make all the difference in the world with regard to how our life works out. If you took an honest look at yourself and where you are right now, could you honestly say that who you are becoming, is moving you closer to the success you want in life? Looking back five years ago, have you grown, changed, in order to move closer to your goal? What steps have you taken recently, even today, to become the success you want to be? Your personal success will always start with YOU and what is inside YOU. It does not start with your past, with your spouse, or even with the economy. It is you, 100% you, because you can choose what you will do today to begin the process of “becoming”. If you haven’t started “becoming” that person, then how do you expect to arrive at your destination? Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Part 4 of 7 The Mindset of Success

Material things, money and passion - we have covered several things so far in figuring out what the mindset of success is all about. This is part four of a seven part series and this week I will be covering fulfillment. Now I have to admit, the term fulfillment is one of my favorites. It says so much and runs so deep. So much of the time, people look for the shiny things in life - cars, homes, money and, in some cases, even people. I would venture to guess that what they are really looking for is fulfillment. If you were to take a poll today of 100 people at random, I would guess that over 90% of those people would tell you that they are not experiencing any or very little fulfillment in their jobs. I know this because I use to be one of those people and I have met many! I have worked many jobs where at the end of the day, I had not felt as though I fulfilled anything of importance. Hence, a lot of the people around me also felt the same way. I know because I would ask them. Through my late 20’s and into my mid 30’s, I studied and learned what fulfillment is all about. Previous to that, I knew I was missing something in my jobs, I felt so empty at the end of the day. It was not until I started doing something where my talents, strengths and sincere interest lied that I caught a glimpse of what fulfillment really is and what it feels like to experience it. When is the last time you felt fulfilled at what it is you do for a job or a career? Was it yesterday? Was it last week? How about last year? I think that sometimes people mistake success for fulfillment. I say this because being fulfilled at your job can and usually will give us some sense of feeling successful. I know it did for me. All those years of working those dead end jobs (that’s what I thought they were) and then one day I started doing something that made me feel like I was making a difference. I was valued. What I did made a profound difference and people looked up to me. I remember the feeling I felt when I started to achieve some fulfillment in my job. I was excited to go to work and I was excited to get up every morning. I looked forward to my appointments the next day. I felt empowered to go out and make a difference because I knew that I was bringing value to my clients and it was like nothing I had ever done before. I was no longer just a body. I was no longer just a number to be thrown out. I was now someone who had the means to better people’s lives. All of that led me to my own fulfillment and to see a whole new side of what it was to go to work every day. It is so obvious and clear to me that most successful people probably find a lot of fulfillment in what it is they do. It does not matter what it is, it only matters that they do. Top seasoned sales professionals usually aren’t real particular in what it is they are selling. They have a passion for selling and find their fulfillment when they engage and navigate the process of selling with their prospect. It’s not the thing that they have sold that gets them excited, it is the process in which they do it. This is where their passion lies. When we can find a job, business or a service where we can use our passion and find fulfillment while doing it, our odds of being successful at that will be profoundly higher. It no longer feels like work. Our time spent is now more enjoyable, it gives us energy to push through when things get tough. It does not mean that everything is perfect. It means things are in line with who we are and what we are all about. I know that for most people, finding their passion can be one of the hardest things to accomplish. Most kids are not raised to seek out their passion. They are raised to work for money, find a good secure job or go to college and get an education, then find a job they can do well with and stick it out until retirement. I guess there is nothing wrong with this line of thinking, but finding your passion and doing a job that brings you fulfillment in your life is much deeper and far more rewarding than just working for money. Have a great Friday everyone, next week we will go over who you are going to become while on this journey to success. Be blessed.

Part 3 of 7 on the Mindset of Success

Last week of this 7-part series, I ended by talking about passion and what passion can do for us.  It can drive us, gives us energy to accomplish great things, go faster and harder.  Yes, passion feeds our bodies and our souls.

We are talking about success.  What is success to you?  In your own life, has success entered in?  If not, will it ever?  If so when?  How will you know it?  All of these questions can be answered with one word:  passion.

If there was ever a strong undeniable common denominator among successful people, it is that each one found their passion and never lost sight of it.  They fed it, defined it, enlarged it and mastered it.  Last week I mentioned that very few people in this world are driven by money and far more are driven by their passion.  No matter where you look, no matter what industry or what business, at the core, there has been a strong passion by which everything has been built on.

Passion really is that strong, that creative and that powerful.  I have read story after story about tasks that seemed impossible and probably were.  But with persistent people and a heart full of passion, the impossible was done.  Our history books are full of these kind of stories.  So, could passion be what success is built on?  I say yes, without a doubt.

I enjoy watching ”Extreme Makeover, Home Edition.”  I remember when the show first began, most people were in shock and disbelief that an existing home could be completely torn down and a new one, twice or even three times the size, could be built in its place in just six to seven days.  Logic says that it can’t be done, it is just not possible.  Yet, time after time, the design team and many, many helpers repeatedly pull this feat off.  Why?  I believe the passion that fuels these people to help the families and give them a new start, something they so desperately need, is one of the strongest driving forces around us.

Is the Extreme Makeover Home Edition successful?  Well, it is a TV show and they only show what they want you to see, so I have no doubt we will never know all that goes on behind the scenes.  But I think we can safely say that they are successful in their accomplishments, direction and working together as a team, simply because we can see the finished product at the end of every show.  Once again, they have done the almost impossible and what has fueled them through all of the sleepless nights, challenges and errors?  Passion!  You can see it in Ty’s face and character every time he speaks.

I do believe underneath every truly successful person you will find passion as part of the foundation which has been laid.  You have to admit, it is a lot easier doing something over and over again if you are passionate about it or are in love with it. 

A friend of mine is a financial advisor.  He has started several businesses over the years and has plans to start more.  He sets them up, makes them profitable and then either sells them or has other people run them while he goes and does it again somewhere else.  Yes, he does pretty well financially, he makes a great income but his passion is not in the making of the money.  His passion lies in entrepreneurship.  He just loves creating businesses out of nothing and has gotten to be pretty good at it.  Yet again, passion wins over the drive to simply make money.

Another topic that fits into the success equation which we have not yet covered, is: fulfillment.  Can we find it and if so, where does it come from?  Have you ever had it?  If you have, you know how rewarding it can be.

Next week, in part 4 of this 7-part series, we will be discussing fulfillment and what it means to you and your success.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Part 2 of 7 on the Mindset of Success

Last week I challenged you to define what success means to you.  Did you do that?  Do you have it written down?  If you really want to make the most of this 7-part series, you will need to have done it so that the material I am sharing with you will have maximum impact on you and what you believe about success.

“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.”  I have heard this phrase coined many times.  But what does it mean?  Most people think success is simply having a lot of nice, neat, fancy things.  That is what our society would have you believe.  Just get the material things and you will be successful.  Well, I am going to strongly disagree with society for many reasons, but let’s dig into this deeper.

While there is a lot of truth that most successful people do make an above-average income, basing success on income alone is very shallow.  Basing one’s success on the amount of material things they have is being narrow minded.  I say this because I have been around many people who have financed everything they have ever bought and truth be known, they actually owned nothing.  Yet on the outside, they looked very successful.  On the inside though, their lives were a mess.

I have also met and spent time around people who have invested hundreds, if not thousands of hours into themselves in education and personal development and their business.  These types of people look a lot different than most.  The ongoing intense investment into themselves is almost hard to believe for some and not worth it for most.  These people have not focused on the getting or accumulating of things, rather they have focused on becoming someone of great value when it comes to their craft.

I have heard Jim Rohn say, “By becoming a better you, you, will bring more to the relationship and that will make you more valuable.”  The first time I heard this, it changed my thinking.  You mean I have to work on “me”?  That was a paradigm change for me…but I got it, it made sense to me.  Shortly after this mini-revelation, I began to realize that truly successful people are valuable and if I will work on becoming more valuable, then I am working my way to success.  It was another one of those “ahh haa” moments for me.

So maybe being successful is not about getting all the cool stuff.  Maybe there is more.  Maybe it is more about who we become rather than what we get.  Does that mean the becoming comes first and the getting comes last?  Perhaps, but what exactly does the becoming part mean to me?  What do I have to do, what does that entail and what does that look like?

Everywhere I look, more and more people, places and ideas seem to be claiming that simply making a lot of money will bring happiness to your life.  There are business models that promote this.  Books, seminars, newspaper ads and internet sites all say the same thing:  “Are you tired of not making the kind of money you want or deserve?  Well then do I have something for you.”  Does this sound familiar to anyone? 

Every time I see or hear this type of phrase, inside I cringe.  Why? Because once again people are focusing on what they can get, not on what they can become.  Ideas like these are pushing money as the main reason to do something, and money should never be the main thing.  Yes, we all need money to live, eat and survive, but working only for money seems to be a very shallow way to go through life.  Life has so much more to offer than just working to make money.  Yes, for some, money may be a motivator, but by a long shot, those individuals are only a tiny segment of the overall population. 

Working at something you love, something you enjoy, something that you contribute value to and are passionate about, sounds like a much better way to go through life.  In fact, I would be willing to bet any amount of money that the mass majority of people would be far more driven, inspired and motivated by their passion than money.  One person with passion is far more powerful than someone who is simply driven by money. 

So is it passion that moves us toward success?  Perhaps…find out more next week when we go into part 3 in The Mindset of Success.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Part 1 of 7 The Mindset of Success

In this 7-part series, I am going to give you some things to think about, things you need to answer and know for yourself.  No, this is not going to be a series on how to become successful.  Not only is it not for me to share with you, it is not what this is all about.  This is all about you and what you perceive success to be.

Ask yourself this question: what is success to me?  Define your answer and then write it down in a very clear and specific measure.  There is not a right or wrong for this exercise, there is only your answer and your own understanding of the term itself.

The word success is thrown around so often today in our culture, I think all of us have become a little numb to it.  It does not seem to have the impact it once did.  Becoming successful is something only a few people achieve and it is not because there is only room for a select few.  What are some of the words you would use to describe success?  Write those down and write down any thoughts that follow.  You may be surprised what stirs up inside you while doing this.

I think the most common visual picture that Americans associate with success is having an abundance of things.  Cars, homes, boats and RV’s, maybe even fine jewelry, or taking extravagant vacations.  If this were actually true, does that mean everyone who has things like this is successful?  What about the person who works at a job 40 -50 hrs a week, makes 150k a year and chooses to finance everything he owns.  Thus on the outside, he might look like a millionaire, but is he?  Sure he makes an above average income, but is he really successful?  If the lottery winner only had to buy the winning lottery ticket worth 2 million dollars, does that make him or her successful?

You will answer these questions I just posed by the way you think and what you believe to be true.  Interestingly enough, not everyone will answer these questions the same, simply because one’s perception and belief of what success is, will be different.  Sure, on the outside, having all those nice things sounds fantastic and perhaps to an extent, it is.  To a degree, life can be more pleasant when you have things to share and enjoy with others.  But by owning those things, are you automatically successful? 

If so, what about the business owner who has been in business for many years, does very well, employs dozens or hundreds of people, but chooses to live a very frugal lifestyle?  Is he then not a success because he chooses to not “show” everyone how much money he has by the things he owns?  I personally know several individuals just like this.  They have considerably more money than anyone would ever know, yet drive modest cars and live in an older, modest home.  Are they a success?

What about those people who do not make an above-average income and do not have a lot of material possessions, but are leaders, achievers and highly regarded at their craft or business?  Are they a model of success?  This question of success demands to be answered in its entirety.

This takes us back to the start again:  What is success to you?  If you have not answered this question yet for yourself, in written detail, the rest of what I am going to share with you over the next 6 weeks will probably not have the awakening on you that you need, and I fear you may miss the bigger picture. 

I have heard it said and have read that: success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.

A worthy ideal?  That’s different because from what I see, that is not what most people call success.  Maybe we better dig a little deeper into this next week as this may not be crystal clear yet.

Have a great weekend everyone, clarify what success is for your self, and be blessed.

7 Part Series on the Mind set of Success... Coming Your Way

So many times I have come across people who think success is about getting and having money and things.  The truth is that nothing could be further from the truth.

On these warm summer afternoons, I often make time in my schedule to go on bicycle rides.  It is great exercise and I am able to have a little “me” time.  During these rides, it is fairly common that my mind goes to a place of deep thought on deep subjects, everything from relationships to creative business ideas.

The other day I could not stop thinking about the mindset of success and all it entails.  For 7 miles on that 11 mile ride, all I could think about was the way in which people view and think about success.  How do they achieve it?  Why is it that only a few people out of the masses seem to have it?  What are the common denominators for success?  All of these questions began to consume me.

Society tends to label success by what you drive, wear and what you live in.  Meaning: how big and fancy those things are.  Personally, I don’t drive a $75,000.00 car that I paid cash for and I don’t live in a 5000 sq ft home.  My bank account does not have 7 digits in it nor does it have 6 digits in it.  But the real truth to success is not in what you have, it is about what you become.

Those I just mentioned are simply things you can acquire being successful, they should not define your success.  If this were not true, does that mean a business owner who makes a million dollars a year and has chosen to keep most of his money, or even give it away anonymously and does not live a lavish lifestyle, is not successful?

Success is not having one, two or three million dollars, nor is it owning several homes.  It is not about wearing a Rolex watch on your wrist nor is it about taking 3-4 expensive vacations a year to exotic locations.  If this were the case, then you could classify every large lottery winner a success.  No, lottery winners revolve around luck, and that is not what success is.

In large, people ‘become’ long before they ever ‘get’.  They do certain activities in a certain way longer and more frequently than others, giving them different results than the masses.  Chances are great they have faced many challenges and struggles along the way and even when things got real tough, they never gave up or changed course.  Why?  Because they developed daily, weekly and monthly habits that have yielded them a higher rate of return than others.

I cannot teach you or anyone else how to make a million dollars a year.  Why?  Because I have not done that yet, therefore how could I teach it?  You and I can only give someone else what we possess.  Oh sure, we can give others our opinions on matters, but most times our opinions are truly not our own, they are someone else’s that we have adopted.  But that topic is for another time.

Over the next seven weeks I am going to share with you some of the lies about success that society in general would have you believe.  There is a profound difference in just making a lot of money and in being successful.  Passion, achievement, fulfillment and ambition are all things I will be covering in this 7-part series.

If you believe success is all about having an abundance of money, you are in for a huge wake-up call.  If you believe having a lot of money will make you happy or fulfilled in your life, you’re mistaken and have bought into someone else’s lie. 

This series will be enlightening for most and an awakening for others.  By the way, I strongly encourage everyone who wants to, to become successful.  But before you do, wouldn’t you like to know what success really is?  After you read this series, you may see things a little differently.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Is Your Image Working for you?

When I was in my 20’s, I never stopped to think about how I was portraying myself to others.  My words, my actions, how I dressed or even how I carried myself.  I think that is fairly common with most young people though, they are too caught up in themselves.  I know I was.

But later in life I learned that everywhere I go I am portraying an image to other people.  Meaning, I am giving others reasons to make an assessment of me based on my behavior, and from that, they are creating a belief in their own mind of who I am.  Now I don’t focus a lot of energy on this matter, but I am very aware of it and how it plays a part in my life.

Spending the last eight and a half years in the mortgage industry, I wanted to give off a professional image.  I wanted people to take me serious and know that I was indeed a professional at my craft.  So I dressed the part every day to match the image I wanted to portray.  I was even careful how I looked if I went somewhere on the weekends.  If I came across a potential client while out in public, I did not want their first impression of me to be a bad one.  I wanted to keep my image up because I am a believer that our image is important.

A couple of years ago, I was having lunch at one of my favorite places when I came across an old friend I had not seen in a while.  He was a real estate agent and we started up a conversation.  At the same time I asked him how his business was doing, I could not help but notice the ragged T-shirt and worn cargo shorts he was wearing.

He told me business was extremely slow and that he was looking at getting out of real estate.  I asked him if he was working today or did he have the day off.  His answer shocked me!  “No, I am working today, in fact I just came from showing a property.”  “In those clothes?” I asked him.  “Yeah,” he said.  “I don’t have to look good, I just have to make the sale.”

Every day, no matter what we are doing, we are portraying an image to those around us.  Even if we wanted to turn this part of us off, we could not.  Our minds take an account of everything we see and experience and from there, that information is logged into our memory banks and put onto an audio / video file.  My friend the real estate agent totally missed the point that image is important.

Yes, I do have times where I completely dress down as if I were going to the lake.  I love those days.  But I am also aware that with this style, I am still creating an image.  This is not a bad thing, but it is something that we need to be aware of.

If you want to be taken serious, then you need to dress serious.  If you want people to know you as an expert in your field, then you need to look like the expert in your field.  If your current image is not how you want people to see you, then start today and change it.  This is not about impressing anyone or making a statement that says “hey look at me”, this about you, your life, your success and how you want people to think of you.

Right now, today, what is your image?  You are emanating one whether you realize it or not.  You might as well create one that works for you rather than against you.

Have a great weekend and Fourth of July everyone, be blessed.

Every Relationship is Built on Something

Probably my deepest passion of life lies within having and obtaining healthy relationships.  Simply because I believe that relationships can catapult us forward or sink us lower.  Help us grow, or hold us back.  They can lift us up or keep us down and they can bring a tremendous amount of joy and happiness or, bring us a ton of pain, sorrow and misery.  Yes, relationships are an essential key to life.  No matter where you go or what you do, you are going to deal with relationships all your life.  Family, friends, neighbors, marriages…even if you want to be alone and away form others, you are still going to have to deal with your self.  Yes, we even have relationships with our selves.

Relationships though are not always easy and often times can be very complex.  Maybe that is why they can be so rewarding is because they are so difficult.  Seems like most everything in life that is a struggle also comes with a reward.  But none the less, every relationship is unique in its own way.  It will have strengths and weaknesses, plus’s and minus’s.  There depth and strength will usually be tested in some way or another and what is even more peculiar to me is that every relationship we will ever have is founded or based on something mutually beneficial.

Think about it for a moment.  Every relationship you have ever had the ones you have right now and the ones you are seeking to have will have a common denominator, a common interest(s) that both people agree upon.  It does not matter what that interest is, it only matters that it is there. Then, that interest becomes the very foundation of which that relationship is built upon.  Sometimes, the foundation is about companionship, other’s are about common activities or hobbies.  Some are of money or task driven, do this for me and I will pay you this much money.  Yes, we even have a relationship with our employer.  Love them or hate them, it is true.  But 2 key elements here are that they are always mutually beneficial and that they have a foundation.  Without these two things, any relationship you have will be strained and or will cease to exist.

Think back to a friend you use to spend a lot of time with.  Someone that brought a lot of joy to you, someone that made you laugh and made you fell better about yourself when you were around them.  Do you know why you are not around them anymore?  Have you ever thought about what happened to that relationship you use to have with them?  What happened to it?  Chances are that one or both of those core things needed I just mentioned were removed or replaced with something else, somewhere along the way.  I have had some very memorable times with friends in the past and yet today, we do not even see each other and hardly ever talk.  Not because either one of us are mad at the other, simply because one of those 2 key elements were removed and the relationship died.

Think about the next relationship you make.  What will it be founded on?  What will be the mutually rewarding factor that becomes the glue that holds it all together?  Up until this point, were you even aware that there was glue to every relationship?  Do you understand that at any time, without notice, the other party involved can remove that glue that holds your relationship together?  Yes, that is right, a change can come at any moment, with or without your consent and then where will that leave you?  Be aware that this is real.  Things change, people change and whether or not you like it, your relationships will change.

If you want solid, strong, healthy relationships in your life then be aware that the foundation upon which you build them must be just that: solid, strong and healthy because attitudes, likes and dislikes will probably come and go.  Maybe not tomorrow or even next year, but trust me, things will change and if the relationships is not built upon a permanent foundation, chances are, it will falter.

Have a great weekend everyone and be blessed.