Looking back on our lives from time to time is and can be a healthy thing to do. Reflecting helps us to see where we have made both good and not so good choices. Successes and setbacks, love and loss, happy times and sad times, all of these, you and I can learn from (if we choose to) and use them as a springboard for the future. The one thing thing though that you and I will experience and continue to go through no matter how old, how young, rich or poor, is loss at various stages of life.
The losses we have endured are not always fun to talk about. Most all of us would agree it to be a negative topic and one that we rarely discuss in open. Loss is part of everyday life and although it can stir up strong emotions, there is a lot we can learn from what loss does to us and how we can grow from it. Loss comes in many different forms. There is the loss of a spouse, child, pet, losing money, a limb, a job, a best friend, income, jewelry, sight or hearing, a neighbor, a home, a Grand parent, a soldier in the military, an aunt or uncle. Even in the ancient text, in the very first recording of humans, Adam and Eve lost their privilege of living in the Garden that God provided for them. Loss is everywhere, isn’t it?
I bet if we were to take fifteen minutes and make a list, it would astonish us as to how much loss we have dealt with. What, though, does all of this loss tell us? What does it say? I know people who seem to go from one loss to another to another before the first loss can even be healed from. When you really think about it, why is life filled with so much of it?
A good friend and mentor of mine said, “It is not easy being human.” To that I would have to agree. It isn’t easy, or always pleasant, and it is not always fun. But I don’t think that life was ever meant to be that way. Going back to that story in the first days, Adam and Eve experienced some of the same loss that you and I do today. Could it be that loss is by design? If so, then why? Many books have been written on this topic. Many professional speakers, Pastors and Preachers have spoken on this topic. It has been addressed from the beginning. So if loss has been around that long and appears to be by design, what are we to take from it and do with it?
The only thing I personally can say about this topic is that there is reason to believe that while we are healing from losses in our life, maybe we are supposed to learn some things as well. I have no magical answers here, nor was I there in the early days but humans are learning creatures. We can think on our own, make decisions based on information available to us, and seek more information. That can very well set us at the top of creation with all of our unique and individual abilities. We learn and grow (change) from experiences everyday, every time, in every facet of life. Could that mean we learn from loss too? I say astoundingly, yes!
Loss teaches us about the value of life and all that is in it. We tend to become more thankful and grateful after we have suffered some kind of loss. Why? Because we realize what we once had and how truly important it was to us. Life tends to take on a new meaning after we have suffered loss. Many times people will come to realize those things which are truly important and those which are not. Our hearts can also grow fonder of people around us, and humbleness can set in as well.
Overall, we realize no matter what we have, it can and sometimes will be taken from us. There are no guarantees that the people you love and care about will be around tomorrow. None of us own the crystal ball of life. What we can do is accept, appreciate, love and be thankful for what we have in our lives right now, today. Loss is coming, I promise you. There is no avoiding it and there is no running from it. We might as well learn to deal with it and grow from it so that we can help, support and be a better friend to those around us so when they deal with those unfortunate events of loss, we can be there for them.
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
Scott Stewart
Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.
scott@lovelossandgrowth.com
Friday, August 27, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
The 5 Love Types
There is no doubt marriages take a lot of work. The day to day pressures our lives can be under have a way of weighing on us over time. Often, it is easy to forget what our spouse may or may not need. I guess you could say the “comfort zone” is way too easy to fall into when we are simply trying to get through the daily grind and stay up on our responsibilities.
Recently, I have been studying the five love styles commonly referred to as “love languages.” These are essential yet very simple ways in which each of us can give and receive love. We are all born with a style. What intrigues me the most is that every one of us operates from a certain style (a primary) and that we all have a secondary style.
The five styles are as follows: Physical touching, acts of service, words spoken, giving of gifts and quality time. Each of us fit into one or two of these five categories. You may be aware of these, but I want to encourage you to take a few minutes and really learn them. Knowing what matters most to your spouse and to your kids about how they “feel loved” is very important. It is free, short and you may just learn something about yourself as well. When you have a moment, go to: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ and take this short quiz.
I believe during tough times we all need to be aware of these little things. I say little because it does not take much effort or energy to show your kids or your spouse you love them by just simply doing for them what they need done in order to feel loved. It sure sounds like a little thing… but I promise, to feed a relationship and make or keep it healthy is not a little thing. It is huge and can make a world of difference.
A past mentor of mine told me repeatedly: “Scott, even the people who love you and are around you all the time still do not see, feel or need the same things as you.” It actually took me a while to completely learn this, but my mentor was 100% correct. In any relationship, marriage or being a parent, we need to show those around us we love them, the way it is important to them, not the way we think, because chances are, they are two different languages.
Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.
.
Recently, I have been studying the five love styles commonly referred to as “love languages.” These are essential yet very simple ways in which each of us can give and receive love. We are all born with a style. What intrigues me the most is that every one of us operates from a certain style (a primary) and that we all have a secondary style.
The five styles are as follows: Physical touching, acts of service, words spoken, giving of gifts and quality time. Each of us fit into one or two of these five categories. You may be aware of these, but I want to encourage you to take a few minutes and really learn them. Knowing what matters most to your spouse and to your kids about how they “feel loved” is very important. It is free, short and you may just learn something about yourself as well. When you have a moment, go to: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ and take this short quiz.
I believe during tough times we all need to be aware of these little things. I say little because it does not take much effort or energy to show your kids or your spouse you love them by just simply doing for them what they need done in order to feel loved. It sure sounds like a little thing… but I promise, to feed a relationship and make or keep it healthy is not a little thing. It is huge and can make a world of difference.
A past mentor of mine told me repeatedly: “Scott, even the people who love you and are around you all the time still do not see, feel or need the same things as you.” It actually took me a while to completely learn this, but my mentor was 100% correct. In any relationship, marriage or being a parent, we need to show those around us we love them, the way it is important to them, not the way we think, because chances are, they are two different languages.
Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.
.
Friday, August 13, 2010
This Thing Called Happiness
Far too many times I have heard someone say, “I will be happy when…” or, “He makes me happy…she makes me happy.” I think most people have a misunderstanding of what happiness and being happy is and where they can be found.
Personally, I have never found happiness “in” something, like a person or going to a place or even some new gadget I just bought. Even going on a long awaited vacation or trip has never brought me happiness. I know you might be shocked that I said that, I bet some of you will even disagree with me. If we are going to seek this thing called happiness, we first must know what it is and what it is not. Then, we will know better of what we are looking for and where to find it.
While it is fun to get new things, make a lot of money, buy toys and go on trips, this is actually not happiness. If it were happiness, then our lives would be spent on a roller coaster of emotions as those things can come and go in and out of our life. We would spend our days and nights chasing them, thinking they would bring us the happiness we long for. When we “get something new” (like a car) yes, we are happy, but that is not the same as true happiness. When we make a lot of money from our job or a sales commission, yes, it makes us happy, but it does not bring us happiness. Before our kids, my wife and I were fortunate enough to go to Hawaii twice. That was pretty cool! I felt very fortunate and very blessed to be able to do that. Did it make me joyful, excited, motivated and energetic? Absolutely! But no where in there was happiness to be found. Why? Because true happiness must be found on the inside, not the outside.
There is a younger man I know from the church I attend. I have spoken with him a handful of times over the last two years. He does not have much in the way of material things. I believe he only works part time, he is not married nor does he have a girlfriend. Yet every time I see him, he is so full of happiness, joy and is “high” on life. He smiles and hugs people often. At first, even I struggled with his profound positive outlook on life. So one day, being the shy, withdrawn person I am, I walked over to him and asked him. “I just have to know, are you ever not happy?” He looked at me a little strangely and without missing a beat he said: “Why would I ever not be?”
If we are able to really get a grasp of his answer, it can change our lives!
Simply put: happiness is a frame of mind. It’s an attitude that we choose to have or to believe in each and every day. It’s looking at the positive side of things rather than the negative. Yes, the negative things exist and yes crap happens but we can choose to focus on the more positive things instead.
Many things have changed for many people over the last couple of years. A lot of folks have gone through hard times. Yet happiness is not and should never be tied to the economy, your checkbook or your job. We get satisfaction, excitement, joy and more options in life from them, not happiness.
Decide to become happy with where you are right now. It doesn’t matter what you do or do not have. Take a moment today to go to a private place where there is a mirror, and look into it. Tell yourself that today you are going to be happy. Not your spouse, your boss nor even your kids can “make” you happy. The only person who can make you happy is looking back at you in that mirror.
Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.
Scott Stewart
Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.
scott@lovelossandgrowth.com
Personally, I have never found happiness “in” something, like a person or going to a place or even some new gadget I just bought. Even going on a long awaited vacation or trip has never brought me happiness. I know you might be shocked that I said that, I bet some of you will even disagree with me. If we are going to seek this thing called happiness, we first must know what it is and what it is not. Then, we will know better of what we are looking for and where to find it.
While it is fun to get new things, make a lot of money, buy toys and go on trips, this is actually not happiness. If it were happiness, then our lives would be spent on a roller coaster of emotions as those things can come and go in and out of our life. We would spend our days and nights chasing them, thinking they would bring us the happiness we long for. When we “get something new” (like a car) yes, we are happy, but that is not the same as true happiness. When we make a lot of money from our job or a sales commission, yes, it makes us happy, but it does not bring us happiness. Before our kids, my wife and I were fortunate enough to go to Hawaii twice. That was pretty cool! I felt very fortunate and very blessed to be able to do that. Did it make me joyful, excited, motivated and energetic? Absolutely! But no where in there was happiness to be found. Why? Because true happiness must be found on the inside, not the outside.
There is a younger man I know from the church I attend. I have spoken with him a handful of times over the last two years. He does not have much in the way of material things. I believe he only works part time, he is not married nor does he have a girlfriend. Yet every time I see him, he is so full of happiness, joy and is “high” on life. He smiles and hugs people often. At first, even I struggled with his profound positive outlook on life. So one day, being the shy, withdrawn person I am, I walked over to him and asked him. “I just have to know, are you ever not happy?” He looked at me a little strangely and without missing a beat he said: “Why would I ever not be?”
If we are able to really get a grasp of his answer, it can change our lives!
Simply put: happiness is a frame of mind. It’s an attitude that we choose to have or to believe in each and every day. It’s looking at the positive side of things rather than the negative. Yes, the negative things exist and yes crap happens but we can choose to focus on the more positive things instead.
Many things have changed for many people over the last couple of years. A lot of folks have gone through hard times. Yet happiness is not and should never be tied to the economy, your checkbook or your job. We get satisfaction, excitement, joy and more options in life from them, not happiness.
Decide to become happy with where you are right now. It doesn’t matter what you do or do not have. Take a moment today to go to a private place where there is a mirror, and look into it. Tell yourself that today you are going to be happy. Not your spouse, your boss nor even your kids can “make” you happy. The only person who can make you happy is looking back at you in that mirror.
Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.
Scott Stewart
Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.
scott@lovelossandgrowth.com
Friday, August 6, 2010
Losing someone we love
One of life’s many guarantees is that, at some point, some day, we will pass on and leave this earth . We are not immortal (although MANY teenagers think otherwise). It’s by design this should take place, as it is part of the bigger plan.
This week is the nineteenth anniversary of when I lost my Mom. It was a Monday night and I had stopped in to have dinner with my folks. As I was getting ready to leave and head home for the night (I remember it very clearly, just as if it were yesterday), I told her, “Mom, I love you.” I then hugged her and walked out the door. I had no idea this would be the last time I would get to see or talk to my Mom.
Death is never an easy thing to deal with. The loss we feel of losing someone we love hurts us to the core. To some, it paralyzes them, making any task or chore near impossible. I have even heard stories of people who not only became paralyzed from the loss they felt initially, but were never fully able to recover. That deep, hard-hitting sense of “why” and “disbelief” are very real and very powerful and can leave a sting that dwells within for years and even decades.
The twenty-two years I had with my Mom will always hold a special place in my life. I feel blessed that I was close with her, that we always communicated, hugged and loved often. The biggest thing I am grateful for is not necessarily that we were close, but that I have no regrets of the time I had with her. I am able to look at her picture on the wall, smile and know there is nothing I wish we would have done differently. We loved, laughed and lived life as much as a mother and son could have.
I do however, like many people, wish that she could have been able to see, hold and play with her granddaughters. In fact, there is not a day goes by that I do not wish this had happened. I am sure many of you reading this have had your own similar situation. The feeling that you were “cheated out of time” with them is fairly common. I know I have felt like this many times. Is this redundant because you already said “not a day goes by”?
Through the loss of my Mom, I learned that not only is life too short, it is very precious and fragile. We are not given a guarantee for tomorrow, we can only hope and believe it will come. We cannot control when it is our time or the time of someone we love. What we can control is making the most of the time we have with them in our lives. Take today and make being with them a priority. In fact, put them at the top of your list. Don’t wait for next month, next year or until the next convenient day. Today is a gift. Use today to tell and show them you care about them. That way, you will never have to say, “I wish we could have...”
In the last days of a person’s life, I have never heard anyone say, ”You know, I just wish I would have put in a few more hours at the office rather than with my family.”
To all of you who have lost someone close to you, this Friday’s Thought is dedicated to you. I am sorry for your loss and my heart is heavy along with you as you deal with the pain.
Scott Stewart
Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.
scott@lovelossandgrowth.com
This week is the nineteenth anniversary of when I lost my Mom. It was a Monday night and I had stopped in to have dinner with my folks. As I was getting ready to leave and head home for the night (I remember it very clearly, just as if it were yesterday), I told her, “Mom, I love you.” I then hugged her and walked out the door. I had no idea this would be the last time I would get to see or talk to my Mom.
Death is never an easy thing to deal with. The loss we feel of losing someone we love hurts us to the core. To some, it paralyzes them, making any task or chore near impossible. I have even heard stories of people who not only became paralyzed from the loss they felt initially, but were never fully able to recover. That deep, hard-hitting sense of “why” and “disbelief” are very real and very powerful and can leave a sting that dwells within for years and even decades.
The twenty-two years I had with my Mom will always hold a special place in my life. I feel blessed that I was close with her, that we always communicated, hugged and loved often. The biggest thing I am grateful for is not necessarily that we were close, but that I have no regrets of the time I had with her. I am able to look at her picture on the wall, smile and know there is nothing I wish we would have done differently. We loved, laughed and lived life as much as a mother and son could have.
I do however, like many people, wish that she could have been able to see, hold and play with her granddaughters. In fact, there is not a day goes by that I do not wish this had happened. I am sure many of you reading this have had your own similar situation. The feeling that you were “cheated out of time” with them is fairly common. I know I have felt like this many times. Is this redundant because you already said “not a day goes by”?
Through the loss of my Mom, I learned that not only is life too short, it is very precious and fragile. We are not given a guarantee for tomorrow, we can only hope and believe it will come. We cannot control when it is our time or the time of someone we love. What we can control is making the most of the time we have with them in our lives. Take today and make being with them a priority. In fact, put them at the top of your list. Don’t wait for next month, next year or until the next convenient day. Today is a gift. Use today to tell and show them you care about them. That way, you will never have to say, “I wish we could have...”
In the last days of a person’s life, I have never heard anyone say, ”You know, I just wish I would have put in a few more hours at the office rather than with my family.”
To all of you who have lost someone close to you, this Friday’s Thought is dedicated to you. I am sorry for your loss and my heart is heavy along with you as you deal with the pain.
Scott Stewart
Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.
scott@lovelossandgrowth.com
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