Setting Goals?...Consider This.

As we move into late fall, many of us start to see that the holidays are coming upon us sooner than we want. Fall is such a beautiful time of year. It is almost hard to believe that some of those trees out there can produce such bright orange and yellow leaves. Warm air has been replaced by cool brisk mornings and we know that winter is knocking at the door. This also means that we are approaching the end of 2010 and, for many; it is a time to think about how different they want next year to be for them.

Right around now, many of us will start to think and lay out some goals for our selves. Work goals, weight goals and exercise goals probably top the list and it seems like every time January 1st rolls around, we jump on that band wagon and set out to create or form some new habits through setting some goals. Sound familiar to anyone? If this is you or you are thinking about setting some goals come the end of this year I want you to consider something. For now, consider that there are two different ways to move closer to those goals. Yes, hard work and persistence is and always will be the main way but there is also a way I want you to give some thought to and that is: changing your beliefs. As an example, I am going to use losing weight. Primarily because so many of us want to set new weight goals come late December.

Because the beliefs we hold about our self are such a huge limiting factor within each of us, I am going to start with that. Let’s say that I weigh 200 lbs and wanted to lose 40 lbs over the next 6 months, bringing me to an ideal weight (for my size) of 160 lbs. When I first think about this as a goal and start to consider it and even write it down, my deep rooted program (my belief about what I currently weigh) is going to start rejecting my new thoughts and actions. In fact, upon it hearing that I want to weigh 40 lbs less, it will start to put up a fight, maybe even throw a fit. It will tell you all the reasons why you can’t lose 40 lbs: You love food too much, you can’t exercise, you can’t give up those sweets and we can do that next year and so on and so on. Literally, it will throw every reason in the world at you as to why it just can’t happen and all of it is nothing more than a mental battle. Yes, it is all going to happen between our ears. The truth of the matter is you and I can lose as much weight as we want. It is our programmed belief that 9 times out of 10 will hold us back and most of us don’t even realize it.

Our belief about our self will mostly dictate nearly everything we do or want to do. When it comes to goal setting, if we want to be more effective, what we have to do is before we set that weight goal, is start to tell our selves that we can lose weight. Verbal, out loud affirmations usually work best at things like this. First we give our current program something to consider, (I can lose the weight) then we tell our self this over and over and over again. This starts the “re-programming of your belief”. Yes, that old program will push back, I can promise you but you will need to keep pushing forward. Until your belief is changed or has started to be changed about what you should weigh, starting any kind of new diet, exercise program or goals you have set, will most likely come up short. Simply because you will be not only battling your body and what it wants, you will also be in a mental battle. You and I are better off to get all the tools we can on our side if we are going to be successful, especially when are trying to change a built in program.

While there are many people who can charge forward without changing this belief first, they appear to be the ones with an extreme amount of will power, determination and a lot of drive. There will always be those folks who can and do reach their goals this way. It seems that later, after they have started the physical change in their body (through diet and exercise) that the belief is then changed secondary. If the belief is not changed, this is often when we see people bounce back to their old ways and old weight. The program in their mind (belief) was never changed.

For the rest of us though… this might be that one tool that will help give us that edge we have been looking for when it comes to making changes in our life. I don’t claim this as an elite tool for everyone I just know that what we believe to be true, is in fact true for us. If we can change our belief, we can change our actions. Change our actions and we can have a different outcome.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

What Happened to That Dream?

Remember when you were a child and you had dreams of becoming a fire fighter or maybe a doctor, an astronaut or even a business owner? Maybe your dream was to travel the world and see the sights of Rome, Africa or Alaska. At one time, I had a dream to be a race car driver, which later turned into being a stunt man. Those dreams, when we were in our younger years, seemed fairly obtainable didn’t they? No one told us we couldn’t do this, that or the other. No one even told us that it was going to be hard to go after that dream. We just kept visualizing in our minds over and over again how it would be, what our life would be like. We visualized what it would be like to be in that moment, living our dream and actually doing what we pictured ourselves doing. Can you remember this? Remember how you felt? If you look deep enough, it’s still there, probably buried down deep under a mountain of stuff, but I assure you, it’s there.

Whatever happened to us chasing those dreams? How did they become so buried? In nearly every conversation I have had with someone who has followed their dreams, somewhere in the conversation they have always added that they never stopped thinking about their dream and never stopped believing they could have it, regardless of their age. Could it be then, that the rest of us have let life take over and get in the way? Stop for a moment and ask yourself, “What happened to those dreams I had as a kid?”

As an adult, I believe those dreams we had as children were not an accident, a coincidence or a bleep in our imaginations. You and I have the ability to dream, believe and create things from virtually nothing. We were given this from the ultimate creator, God Himself. Not only have we been given this gift, we have also been given the necessary tools to follow through with our dreams. For thousands of years people have done this, from the Bible to history books to successful people like Bill Gates. It all starts with a dream, the vision of what we want to achieve. I have heard it said that everything in this world has been created twice. The first time, in someone’s mind and then in its physical form. All of it started with a dream.

As we grow, we also dream new dreams. Maybe they are dreams with a deeper meaning, focused on helping people. As we mature, often times our dreams mature along with us. Now that I am 41 I no longer have a dream to be a race car driver or a stunt man. However, I still have dreams and the further down the path of life and maturity I go, the larger my dreams have become.

So, I want to ask you: What is your dream? What is inside of you that has been sticking around and will not go away? Have you buried it? If so, it may require you to search inside and pull your dream out, dust it off and spend a little time with it. I believe the dream is there. On some level each one of us, regardless of who we are, carry a song in our heart and a dream to entertain. For some, it raises its head up once in awhile and says, “Hey, remember me?” Your dream… it is still there… can you see it?

I once was being counseled by a very wise mentor of mine who posed this question, “Scott, if it is God that plants dreams within us and we choose not to follow those dreams, could we be missing the blessing and the calling He has upon our life?” Needless to say, his question got me thinking.

Dreams give us a focus, a direction, something to help give life meaning and purpose. You may have a dream to be the best mother or the best father possible and through that, give your kids every possible tool to become all they can be. Or, you may have a dream to open up a community center offering a place for kids to play sports and games, or for families to participate in activities together. Regardless of what it is, or how big or how small it is, it is your dream and it takes the same amount of time and energy to dream a small dream as it does a big dream. Nurture it, protect it and believe in it because if it were not obtainable or even worthwhile… it would have never become your dream.

Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.


Scott Stewart
Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.
scott@lovelossandgrowth.co.

Part 2 - "it is what we continually say that matters."

Last week, I suggested that you say to yourself, out loud: I am important and I am valuable. Did you do this? If it felt odd or even difficult to say, it is because your subconscious did not believe it when you said it. Not only did it not believe it, but it simply did not line up with what you believe about yourself. Now that might be a little hard for some people to hear but I will assure you it is true. A low self esteem can be seen the easiest when we say something positive and supportive about ourselves, to ourselves and then watching inward to see how we feel after saying it. Is there an uncomfortable or a push back feeling when you say this?

I have seen many people walk down a hall or a sidewalk with their head hanging low, looking at the ground in front of them. They rarely ever notice the people around them. It is as if they are in some kind of withdrawn state of mind. All to themselves, looking at no one and noticing nothing around them. Years ago, I often wondered why it was that people did this. I even caught myself doing it a few times. I wondered what this behavior was and why people do it. I had a boss of mine at one time that hung his head down low everywhere he walked, looking at the ground. Something within me just stirred and I wanted to know where this came from and why do people do this?

Today, many people all around us suffer from low self esteem or a bad self image. It seems that there are no common denominators as to who is affected and who is not. White collar, blue collar, young and old, people from all walks carry around a poor self image. The one thing that we can tie all of this together with is that at some point, in our past, those of us affected by this condition had a less than supportive atmosphere we lived in or spent time around. Maybe it was an abusive situation or there was a lack of affection or love. Maybe it was that we never got the approval of someone who we looked up to and admired or were put down verbally by our parents, Aunts or Uncles, even siblings. Many ingredients are mixed into us to produce a self image.

Recently, I heard an old kids saying that I had not heard in literally, 20 plus years. Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. Upon hearing this, I thought back to my youth and how kids can sometimes unintentionally say the meanest things. While this is true that names cannot hurt us, what should have been added to this little phrase was: as long as I don’t believe in what is being said to me. Name calling has been going on for thousands and thousands of years. It is not the name calling that affects us, it is when we start believing what we hear, then, the words can do more than just hurt us, they can sink us! Unfortunately though, if our subconscious here’s something over and over again, it will start to believe it.

You and I need to be on guard with not just what people say to us, but what we continually hear, over and over again. This is where the damage can be done and it doesn’t happen over night. It happens slowly, over time, day in and day out. We have to guard our ears but we need to guard even more than that. We need to guard what we believe about our self. Do you believe you are an ugly person or do you believe you are a beautiful person? Do you believe you are a caring, thoughtful person or do you believe you are selfish? Chances are what you have been repeatedly told or what you have been telling yourself is what is true for you. Right or wrong way of thinking is not relevant here… it is what you believe that changes everything, especially when it comes to YOU.

Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.

It is what we repeatedly say out loud that matters most

Recently, I heard a story of a young boy who loved to play baseball. He spent a lot of time studying and watching baseball games on TV, trying to understand everything about the game that he could. One day, in his backyard, he was working on his batting. Being by himself, he would throw the ball up, grab his bat and swing at the ball. He would tell himself: “I am the greatest batter who ever lived” and then swing at the ball. On his first attempt of doing this, he missed. So he reached down, grabbed the ball and said out loud to himself: “I am the greatest batter who ever lived”, threw the ball up and swung again, missing for a second time. But he would not allow himself to get discouraged. He reached down for a third time, grabbed the ball and again repeated the words: “I am the greatest batter who ever lived” and then swung. Unfortunately, he missed and the ball landed beside him again. Without getting mad, he paused for a moment, smiled and then said: “I may not be the world’s best batter, but I am certainly the world’s greatest pitcher.”

What you and I tell ourselves makes a big difference in how we see ourselves. Primarily because what we repeatedly say, our subconscious will believe. As well as this being good news, it can also be very bad news. I know recently I have written on this subject yet something more has stirred inside me. For weeks now, I have had many people confess that at times, the words they used when talking to themselves were not very positive. In fact, when they made a mistake or forgot to do a task, on many occasions the self talk they used was actually down right destructive. A handful of people even told me they had been doing this for as many years as they could remember.

Upon hearing this, what we need to remember is that it is not necessarily what we say or think everyday that matters most. Instead, it is what we repeatedly say out loud to our selves that make all the difference in the world. Our subconscious will take those words in as “truth” and mark them as our “belief,” thus helping to shape our self image and self esteem.

In this story, the young boy would not allow negative self talk to come into his mind. Simply put, he did not focus on his faults, he focused on what he was good at. In addition to his focus, he verbalized his success with what he saw in his mind. What he wanted is what he spoke from his mouth. These are the principals and the keys needed for us to acquire a better self image and higher self esteem. I know how natural it is for those negative self defeating thoughts to come into our minds. For years I battled this. After some extensive searching, one thing that helped me defeat the negative self talk and destructive thoughts, was that I realized that my thoughts are “NOT” who I am. Once I truly got this, it gave me permission to look at myself in a whole new dimension. “You mean I am not a failure?” “You mean I am actually a very important person?” “I really can make a difference in those around me in my community?” The answer is easy. Yes you do and yes you can!

Don’t give in to the negative thoughts and destructive self talk. You are valuable and, yes, you are unique. God only made one of you and it was not by accident. What He has created in you, only you can do. Not me, not your spouse, not your Pastor nor your parents. He created you for a special assignment. You and I need to always be on guard for things that try to tell us: “Oh you can’t do that” or “Why are you even trying, you will never make anything of it.” Those thoughts do not come from God and there is only one way on earth that they will ever hold any truth, and that is, if you allow them to!

Take a moment after reading this and say to yourself, out loud: “I am important and I am valuable.” Then, say it again and again and yet one more time. Does it feel strange? Do you find it uncomfortable to say this? If you do, then I want you to read next week’s message because I have more to share on this and you are NOT going to want to miss it!


For now, be blessed and have a great Friday everyone.