Your Plans? Yeah Right...

In the movie Evan Almighty, there is a scene where Evan Baxter (Steve Carell) is talking with God (Morgan Freeman).  God told Evan that he will be building an Ark to house the animals from a flood.  Evan is less than excited about it.  He proceeds to tell God how he is not the man for the job, he has other things to do and how this project does not line up with his schedule. Instantly, God starts laughing.  Evan goes on to strongly emphasize; "this is not in my plans!"  Upon hearing this, God erupts into even further laughter.  Evan just stares at him with a look of "why are you laughing?"

The next words God tells Evan are powerful; "Your plans?  Yeah that's a funny one."

People want to believe they are in control of their plans.  We feel confident and on purpose when we work that plan and progress on it. But does that really qualify as being in control?

Recently, over lunch, a good friend of mine reminded me of that movie scene and how life is often like that. 

Like Evan, I too was given something which was not part of my plans.  It came out of left field, no signs, no warnings whatsoever.  My friend, mentor, sound board and prayer partner when things got tough, she edited most of my writings for the last two and a half years, had a life altering accident and lost her life.  Truly a tragedy.  One that her family and I are still working through.  Losing Gina prematurely was not in any of our plans and some of us are still speechless.

Rarely, if ever, are there answers to why things like this happen, especially when they seem so devastating.  Was it God's plan?  Was it just an accident God allowed to happen?  One day, maybe we'll know, but for now, in this life, all of us will have to deal with tragedies.  Responsibilities and obligations never not stop for the living.

More than likely, our best, well intended plans will have to be altered.  That doesn't make them wrong, it means we need to be able to change, with the change that is thrown to us.  Each of us set our plans into motion with the most accurate information we have at the time.  Then, down the road, with more information the necessary changes can be made, ensuring the desired outcome we want.

Many good, caring, loving people have had things happen to them that they did not deserve or they were not part of their plans. Yet at the end of the day, the best thing we can do is get back up, dust ourselves off and allow ourselves to deal and heal.  Then, start walking again. It's a process that takes time and we need to be patient with our self. No, it won't be easy, no one ever said it would.

Tragedies are not road blocks, they're detours.  I had to remind myself of this a few times over the last several months.  We may walk differently after the tragedy and that's OK.  The point is to start walking again. Don't let devastation hold you back from doing what you know, needs to be done. 

Set backs are 90% internal and 10% external.  They are a mental battle.  At the end of the day, I am reminded that losing someone you love is merely an indicator that your course has changed. Moving forward is the only option for me and I hope it is for you, as well. 

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

(In memory of an amazing friend and woman, Gina Barrett.  I promise to finish what we started,  love and miss you mom)

To Someone... Your Words Matter

Allen had lived a great life.  He had many achievements and accomplishments over the years.  He married his high school sweetheart at age 20 and shortly thereafter, they started a family.

He was involved in his community, church and several non-profit organizations.

Over the next 65 years, Allen served on various boards and became well respected around his town.  He started a business, hired employees and grew his business to a point where he could generously give back.  Not just with money but his time.

Allen was known for helping others.  He was flexible with his employees and their family schedules so they could tend to things that were important to them.  He strived to make a difference in people and believed that instilling a positive attitudes, respect and honor into his children, were the best traits he could leave them.

One day, in his late 80’s, Allen died.  Upon his ascent into heaven, he saw a large screen that appeared to be playing various movies.  As he got closer, he realized they were segments of his life, all playing at the same time, on one screen.  Each movie was showing the difference he had made in someone’s life.  Right in front of him, he was hearing and seeing story after story how his generosity and willingness to share had made such an impact on so many.  He could not help but feel an abundance of love while seeing all of this unfold.

He also noticed on the far side of the screen, there were people whom he knew who were not talking very nice about him.  The movies showed these people spreading rumors and talking badly about him behind his back.  They made false accusations about him and unfortunately, Allen knew everyone of them.  Some were friends, neighbors and even employees whom he had paid salaries and bonuses to for years.

Upon seeing this, Allen was overcome with disbelief.  The same people whom he had given his time, energy and finances to were not only disrespectful but were also unthankful.  It only took a minute before his heart was heavy and with hurt feelings, his eyes filled with tears.  He kept thinking: how could people whom he had done so much for, be so ungrateful.

This story was given to me in a dream and is not far from reality.  All of us, at some point, have been ungrateful to those who have given to us.  The question is: do we still do it and will we continue to do it?

The next time you start to talk about someone to somebody, stop and ask yourself:  would I be saying this if that person was standing beside me?  If they were to hear your words, would it build them up or tear them down?

Life really is in the power of the tongue.  Each day, we have a choice to be thankful for what we have. Words aren’t just words they are an outward statement of what is taking place on the inside of us.  

Don’t allow yourself to think: it doesn’t matter.  Unintentional or direct, all of our words matter.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Always Changing

Friday's Thoughts often talk about change and there’s good reason for it:  we live in an ever-changing world. 

When I was younger, I didn’t understand this. I thought certain things would always be the same.  To some degree, this gave a false sense of security, thinking I would always be ok once I got in my routine.  What I have come to find over the years is that nothing could be further from the truth.

Everything around us is evolving and changing, everyday, all the time.  Have you heard the term, if you’re not growing you’re going backwards?  There is a lot of truth to that.  Everything around us is in a slow movement of being more different today than it was yesterday and we need to be aware of this.

Yesterday the stock market was either higher or lower than it is right now.  Buildings being built are now closer to being completed.  Kids in school are more knowledgeable today than they were yesterday.  People, pets, grass and plants have all grown.  Essentially, there is nothing that stays exactly the same.  Once we realize and accept this, our life can take on deeper clarity. 

As a sales person or business owner, we already understand some months will be better than others.  Facts are facts.  Things change and often there is nothing we can do about it.  So what’s the best medicine for an ever-changing world?  Be flexible and change with the times.

We live in a different economy than it once was.  Our kids are older, our jobs require more from us.  Maybe our spouses need more from us today than yesterday.  Traffic has increased while prices have gone up.  Maybe we put on a few more pounds, our hair line is continuing to recede or it’s turning grey. 

If you and I will embrace change, our success can be far greater than we would have ever known.  Many years ago, I heard a billionaire speak at a conference and he said, “great success is not near as much challenge, as it is change.” 

What can you do different today that will use change to your benefit?  Learn to be flexible.  Just because you have always done things a certain way does not mean you have keep doing it that way.  And remember, just because you think it will never change, doesn’t mean it won't.  Even a body in a coffin is… well, you get it.

Have a great changing weekend, be blessed.

Kids, Politics & Beliefs

Are you involving your kids in your voting? Such a simple question may not come with a simple answer.

Each of us talk and act based on what we believe to be true. Whether it be people, places, religion or even politics, all of us act out our beliefs.

Recently, my eldest daughter brought a few questions that were thought provoking.  Her fourth grade class has been discussing the upcoming Presidential election, the candidates and the different parties.

Her questions were sincere, honest and that of an unbiased opinion (which is rare in itself).  In the past, we had discussed such things but not at the level she was asking.  It was clear that the time had come to start teaching her about politics and Government.

Overall, I am not interested in partisan politics.  It is an argument that could go on forever.  I’m referring to one’s core beliefs about why they think one candidate is better than the other. How what we believe causes us to make choices accordingly, which helps determine who we will be voting for.

Religion, personal interest and even political affiliation are largely inherited.  That is, we follow the footsteps of those who have programmed us.  Parents, family or someone who is an authority in our lives.

Parents always want what’s best for their kids.  But what determines what is best?  Our beliefs determine what is best but that does not mean those beliefs are healthy or favorable.  We can only teach our kids what we know and understand. Why does one person believe the Democrats have all the right answers while the guy across the street is convinced the Republicans do?  It’s all because of what we believe to be true.

Most of the time, there is nothing wrong with teaching our kids our persuasion.  But if we truly want the best for them, shouldn’t we take it deeper?  What about teaching them core values?  Why not teach them that our Government’s choices have brought the country to the place where it is currently?  And, if those results are not favorable, then moving forward, the choices need to be different.  You do realize choices always equal an outcome… right?

Seek wisdom when doing this. If we truly want a better tomorrow, we have to start with the healthy programming of our younger generation.  That is, it starts with us, right now, today.  Not brainwashing, rather healthy beliefs and understanding.

How we interact with our children when it comes to understanding our Government and the democracy we live in, will define the tomorrow we help create.  Choose wisely, your choices today are creating your tomorrow.

Have a great weekend, be blessed.

We don't create who we are, we discover who we are

People sometimes spend a lifetime looking for what they want to do with their life. Ever been asked: "what do you want to be when you grow up?" This is a valid question. Do you know?

Every day, all around us, we come in contact with people who simply go through the motions of life. They have an average job and an average life. Sadly enough, they never search deep or long enough to discover their purpose or passion.

I hear a lot of people say, "I can’t wait to retire in 3, 4 or 6 years." I am sure it is exciting to think about retirement, however, I would also ask them about their life now and what you were put here to do?

I invested 15 years of searching before I found my passion. It was a process. I didn’t create who I am. God did that. I discovered who I am, that was my job. God is the ultimate creator and he has given us creative abilities. That is, our minds, an imagination the ability to strategically plan out a process. I believe it is our responsibility to apply those things which He gave us.

Self-discovery, for most of us, is not an overnight deal. It’s an ongoing daily, monthly and even yearly deal. That is, year after year we need to continue to invest in it. Persist without ceasing if need be. It has been said that cemeteries are some of the richest places on earth. There, lie the dreams, ideas and plans that were never executed or put into play. Think about this for a moment. If you were to die tonight, what dreams, hopes and ideas would die with you?

Our talents, strengths and abilities, combined with personality style, demeanor and looks, make each of us unique. There is nobody like you. There is something you are to do, overcome and accomplish that no one else could do as well as you.
Whose pain do you feel? Whose tears affect you the most? Whose sorrows weigh on your heart the heaviest? These are all keys to what you are to discover about yourself.

Life is a lot about finding. We find our self, find our way, what we're good at and one day, we all hope to find the perfect spouse. Each time we find, we open a new door that leads us to further discovery which awakens a part of us that previously lay dormant.

Start making small changes in your day to day routine that will help you to discover. Small changes today, tomorrow and next month, are the keys to moving closer to those things you want in life.

Remember that there is no discovery without action. Take action today to insure a better tomorrow.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Consequences to Your Choices

As we discussed last week, our life is a direct result of the choices we make as well as the consequences from those choices.

It is true:  85 – 90% of what happens to us each day, we have no control over.  This is why life is a lot about attitude.  A positive attitude ensures our success in dealing with life’s curve balls.

But what about the other 15 – 20% of life, the part we do have control over?

This part is equally important to the results we obtain.  Here is where our choices help or hinder.  It’s where we move closer to peace, prosperity and goals, or further away.  Here, is where our personal and working relationships increase or decrease, all based on choices. 

Every action has a consequence.  To not think so, is naïve.

Too often, when making choices, the consequences are overlooked.  Classify this as unintended consequences.  Local, state and federal government fall into this category.  Sadly enough, it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way.

Unfortunately, too often people lack the awareness of how their choices affect themselves and others.

If you show up late for a commitment you’ve made, you are devaluing the other person’s time.  If a team depends on you to fulfill duties and be accountable and you don’t, essentially you are disrespecting the entire team and their purpose.

Eating processed foods for breakfast instead of oatmeal has health consequences.  Procrastination, lack of planning and being disorganized all hold unfavorable consequences.

Don’t think it doesn’t matter.  I assure you it matters, because how you do the little things, is how you do the bigger things.  Large or small, all of it counts and creates consequences.

If an employer is paying you to perform a job and you fail to bring them the results they desire, the underlying issue is not in the results, it’s in the actions.  Change the actions and you will get different results.

Lastly, if you are to grow in maturity, responsibility and humility, you need to accept that your choices have brought you to the very spot you are right now.  Not your spouse, your parents, your income nor your boss.  YOU have brought YOU to where you are and are reaping the consequences, good or bad.

Every choice you make is done so of your own free will.  You were not forced to get up this morning.  No one held a gun to your head and said you will go to work today.  You chose to do so.  More than likely it was because you did not like the consequences of the other choice.  There is nothing wrong with that, just be aware, you still chose.

The next time you make a choice, think about the consequences it will bring and if the outcome will be favorable in order to move you in the direction you want to go in life.

Choose wisely friend.

Have a great weekend, be blessed.      

Your Choices...Your Life

The life you are living right now is the result of the choices you have made up to this point.

Most folks don’t realize that they have choices.  Many run on auto-pilot, making each day look a lot more like chance than choice.  But just the opposite is true.  Everything is a choice!

It wasn’t until I reached my mid 30’s that I truly grabbed hold of this reality.  Each day, I could choose what I would do, where I would go, my activities, attitude…all of it.  Granted, the majority of those choices were obvious and easy…but I still got to choose.

Each new day brings with it the seed of choice.  How you start your day, what you will wear, will you exercise, will you have a good attitude and will you be on time to your first meeting.  All of these choices and you haven’t even left your house yet!

Left to chance?  I don’t believe there is such a thing.  Even if one tries to make a case for this, the fact is, you can still choose to do nothing, and that is a choice.

Look back on your life.  How many times have you come to a crossroads where a major choice was before you?  How did you handle it?  Did you weigh your options, look at all sides and try to make the best choice possible?

In the past, have you made poor choices?  If so, what did you learn from them?  Sometimes, wrong choices today give us opportunities to excel in the future because learning and choosing differently next time, brings about favor and wisdom.

Once in awhile, the crossroads of life are not always so clear and then the choice we have to make can be a struggle.  Yet still, we are forced to make a choice.

Choice is the reason we can create the life we want.  It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us.

We also need to keep in mind that for every choice we make, there are or can be lasting consequences.  Choosing to forgo exercise every morning and eat a donut may bring short-term satisfaction, but over the long-term, it’s detrimental to your health. 

After reading this, you will make a choice to either ignore it, or think about it.  Regardless, each day, what we choose affects not only our self but often, those around us as well.

Once we realize and grasp this concept, there can be no more blame game.  You can’t play the victim card, nor can you point fingers at others and say it’s their fault for your circumstances.

Will you decide to start choosing wisely?  Can you see that your choices equal the person you are today?

Want a different job?  Make different choices.  Want a better relationship with your spouse?  Make better choices.  Want to lose some weight and feel attractive again?  It’s easier than you think…just make different choices.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

If God is Real...Why Can't I see Him?

Is the question, does God exist?  OR… is my mind open to see it?
 
Recently, I was sitting at a table with friends and family enjoying a meal when the discussion surfaced…does God exist. 

I admit, I thoroughly enjoy this type of topic.  By nature, I am a listener.  Listening to people talk and use words in a specific manner creates knowledge.  You can find the answer to nearly every question by listening, if you get good enough at it.

In this 35 minute discussion, I rarely spoke.  There was no reason to.  No one at the table was interested in answers.  They were far more interested in sharing their thoughts and ideas.  While sitting there, I realized something profound!
 
In this setting, the real rooted question was not about weather God existed or not.  The real subject was if he exists, why can't I see Him.  The short, black and white answer to this is easier than you might think.The discussion went several different ways with opinions, ideas and thoughts.  As I sat there intently listening, one phrase that kept being repeated was “it is hard to believe in God because you can't see Him and I can only believe in what I see.” 
 

What we believe and hold in our mind as truth, determines most every aspect of our life because all of our choices are based around what we believe.  If you can’t see God, maybe it’s because your personal belief system is not letting you.
 
Largely formed from our past, our belief system holds all of the good and the bad experiences.  Hurts, pain, pleasures and memories.  Books you have read and people you have associated with, parents, successes and tragedies.  It's all accounted for and all of it has created you and what you hold as truth.
 
This means, each of us hold an image of what we think God looks like, where He is and what He does.  Some hold the belief that He is like a step father with a zero tolerance for error and punishes swiftly.  Others see Him as a gentle, loving, caring, guiding Dad who holds unconditional love for His children.  The way you see Him or think of Him is in large, based on your programming. (Experiences)
 
Those who don't believe, it could be your personal set of beliefs do not line up with what God is suppose to look like.  Therefore, He must not exist.  After all, what kind of God would allow so much destruction, hate, hunger and evil in the world, right?  
 
If your own belief system does not line up with the image of what God is suppose to look like for you, your belief system will dismiss it as invalid.  Therefore, making it only logical to take the stance that God doesn't exist.
 
I know for a fact that several of my family sitting around the table that night have had miracles in their life.  A few, more than once.  Yet they still struggle with believing that God exists. 

One could ask, where do miracles come from?  After all, if we will only do a little searching, we will see that miracles happen all around us, sometimes every day. 
 
Science has gone to great length to prove there is no God.  Yet, the search itself has raised more questions than can be answered.  Even if they are answerable, it requires faith in the science itself to accept its answers.  
 
Believing in God is more of a faith thing than it is a seeing thing.  Yes, many have seen and experienced things that make no sense as to why or how.  Personally, I fit into this category.  Many have seen miracles happen in their own life and yet still refuse to accept that God had anything to do with it.  Even when claiming God is the only half way reasonable answer, they still cannot bring themselves to accept it.   
 
Pride and ego also play a factor. If a person is more interested in being right then seeking the truth, all the proof in the world will not be enough to convince.
 
I have heard that coincidences are when God chooses to remain anonymous. Personally, I am ok with that.  I don't need a mathematical equation to answer every coincidence that happens in my life. 

If you do, that’s ok.  Just remember, there is no proof the sun will come up tomorrow.  We believe it will come up because we have faith.  That faith comes from the past, seeing it rise and set many times before.  Yes, even faith, is built on what we have and have not seen.
 
Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 5

A relationship can hold the most value in your search for your calling, but what kind of relationship?

This week is part 5, Finding Your Calling.
 
Books, meetings, church...even your spouse, are valuable for you to find your calling.  But a relationship with the right person, at the right time is invaluable.  Ever heard the old phrase, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear?  
 
There is magic to be found in the pursuit of something.  That is, genuinely searching for answers produces the magic.  The world has a way of holding onto answers until a person is truly ready.
 
There are people everywhere who want answers.  The problem is, they are willing to do little, if anything, to get them.  This includes seeking a meaningful relationship with a person who can effectively mentor and coach them.  Why on earth would someone invest time and even pay someone whom they have never met or known very well?  Because they have invaluable information you do not have and they did not get it by luck or chance, but by pursuit.
 
The answers to what you are seeking are not mysteries.  They do however tend to be clothed in camouflage.  Answers do not appear for everyone.  I have read that answers are reserved for those who have to know, not merely want to know.  
 
Coaches and mentors have been a part of my life for many years, even back to a time when I didn't know that's what they were.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a dad or a mom who made a good coach.  Other people stepped up to help guide me when I needed it.  In my twenties, I realized just how much of an asset they were.  John Maxwell says:  “What you learn is important but who you learn it from is even more important.”
 
The key is to find one who you trust and feel in-sync with.  My friend Tammi Brannan created the Instinctive Life several years ago.  Her site, http://www.instinctivelife.com/  is dedicated to help people see their natural instinctive abilities, traits, thoughts and likes, then set them on a course in that direction.
 
Author Lori Chance coaches those who want to write their first book.  http://www.authorshipforexperts.com/home/.  There can be many landmines and pitfalls in writing your first book and taking on the task alone could prove to be overwhelming.  Irregardless, both of these ladies have a tremendous amount of value to offer when it comes to finding some of life’s answers.  The insight, wisdom and knowledge of having a coach is a great way to find the answers you are searching for.
 
I once heard Dr. Mike Murdock share that everything you are wanting is only a relationship away. The right person in the right season of your life can help advance you further than you could ever dream possible.  I can say this because I have experienced it.
 
Next week, we will do an overview on the topic of finding your calling.  Until then, write down what actions you are going to take to move forward with finding your calling.  We will touch base on those then.
 
Have a great Memorial Weekend everyone, be blessed.    
 

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 3

What is it that makes you become angry or keeps you awake at night?  Maybe this is what you were meant to fix or cure.

This is week three: Finding Your Calling.

Oftentimes, the reason we can't seem to find our purpose or passion is because we are not at a high enough level of awareness.  That is, do you pay attention to what you think about when your mind drifts, do you notice how certain things make you feel?

Increasing your awareness is as easy as recognizing how you feel after eating or drinking. Paying attention to you as opposed to just going through life is awareness and it is a great tool in helping you realize what your calling is.

 Chances are, at sometime during your life, you have been through a life-changing event.  It may have been substantial or it may have been only minor. But looking back, it weighs on your heart.

It made you feel a certain way which you have never been able to explain.  You just knew that you knew.  It triggered something inside that you've never forgotten.  This is likely a clue to your calling.

What have you seen happen that got under your skin and you couldn’t stop thinking about it?  Is there a person associated with this?  Anytime you are called to something, for a purpose, there will be some sort of adversary you must face.  

Doctor’s battle sickness, mechanics fix broken cars, attorneys fight for their clients legally.  Even Superman had enemies.  Without rivalries, there would be no need for someone to step up to the plate.  This has been happening before man even came on the scene!

But not everyone is called to a life of facing their adversaries.  Does that mean their life is any less important?  Absolutely not.  In our society, we need technicians, craftsman, laborers and those with outstanding people skills.  Without them, our cities, malls and roads would be nothing.  Can you imagine what our infrastructure would look like without these skilled folks?  They are critical to our society!

What I have found, is that people go on a search for something greater because they are neither satisfied nor fulfilled where they're at.  Some currently love what they do. It does not matter what it is, it only matters that it is.  God has given you strengths, abilities and gifts which He has not bestowed on others.  They are meant for you to use.  Not using them is to waste what you have been given.

I want you to make a list.  On the left side of your paper, list your strengths.  On the right side, list those activities you enjoy.  At the bottom of the page, list the things that are difficult for you to tolerate.  Things that get under your skin, maybe even make you mad!

If you find it difficult to make out this list, take some extra time and put some thought into it. These three columns hold within them valuable keys to helping you find you’re calling.  Like any list, being written holds power in it.  Do not think a mental list is good enough, it's not!

Next week, we will look into the who it is that can help you find your calling.

Have a great week everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 2

If you search, you will find.  This is what ancient scriptures tell us.  If you want to find your purpose in life, it will take commitment and persistence.  Are you willing to do what it takes?  This week is part 2 Finding Your Calling.

There are many keys which can help guide us in looking for our purpose.  They are not often mentioned, many don't even realize there are hidden keys all around us.  More important is the mindset you hold when understanding these keys.

 Your mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is open.  Is yours open?  I can give you clues to assist you in finding what you want to do with your life but unless you’re open to examining yourself and getting out of your comfort zone, what is shared with you will fall on deaf ears.  So for a moment, set aside your preconceived notions, and take in the following ideas:

 Ask these questions:  What do you spend a lot of your free time thinking about?  Is it a person, a place, is it an idea?  When this comes to mind, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel happy, excited, sad or does it promote fear within you?  Most people are not aware of what they randomly think about.  If this is you, pay attention to your thoughts and where they go.

 As a general rule, the very thing you were created for is also something that ignites a fire inside you.  That fire could be anger, happiness or even compassion.  Chances are, you will feel passionate about it on several different levels.  As an example, when I hear about a dysfunctional family where there is verbally / emotional abuse or neglect, a fire stirs up inside me.  This is because my calling is to help people live with healthy attitudes, thoughts and beliefs.  I know from experience dysfunctional families do not hold the same traits that I value.

Whose tears affect you the most?  When you see someone in pain, or someone mourning, does grief stir you?  Many times I have heard that people often start a business or offer a service simply because they had a bad experience in that particular area.  Use your past experiences, both good and bad, to help guide you in what you are passionate about.

 Lastly:  Chances are, your calling will include a person or a group of people.  Your service and passion is needed to some, yet not everyone.  Even Microsoft does not have a PC in every home.  You cannot be all things to all people, nor should you try.  But to some, you will mean a great deal.  Who are those folks for whom you have a great deal of compassion?

 As you answer these questions, I encourage you to write them down.  Then study them.  Invest time thinking about your answers.  Next week we will cover several more hidden keys to help you find your purpose.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling

What do you want to be when you grow up?  Most all of us have asked this, at least a few times.  But have you answered it?

Why are you here and what is your purpose?  These questions demand an answer!  We are going to take the next several weeks and cover this subject.  My aim is to help you uncover some hidden keys that will lead you to answering those questions.  First off, here are a few things you need to understand:

The Bible says if you search, you will find.  It does not say if you think about it and it does not say to toy with it.  It says to search, and searching takes dedication, determination and focus.  So, ask yourself; are you willing to search?

My search began in my twenties. I tried many things, all to find what I didn’t want, long before I found what I did want.  Although this can take time and energy, it is also a great way to learn about yourself. Look at it as an investment and not an expense.

It took 15 years of searching before I finally found my purpose.  Some may think this is a long time.  I don’t see it that way.  Living your whole life and never finding your purpose, like so many people do, is very sad.  Although it took years, I believe I found mine at just the right time.

A few find their passion quickly.  Their time investment is short and they are very fortunate.  However, these people can also miss some of the trials and errors and the personal development they gain along the way.  It’s a trade off.

If you want to find your purpose bad enough, you will do what it takes.  If you don’t, you won’t.  Proof is all around us.  Many people have put finding their passion on the back burner.  The reasons for doing so are countless.  But the reasons are not nearly as important as the consequences.

Living an entire life and never finding what you’re passionate about or what you’re called to do is a steep sacrifice.  In a sense, one trades his or her whole life for a less-than-best life from what they could have had.  Pretty harsh trade off, don’t you think?

I say that because I know first-hand how my energy level, inner fulfillment and dreams have grown since answering the million dollar question regarding my own purpose.  It truly has given me a different outlook in a multitude of ways, as well as shown me why I am passionate regarding certain things.

There are keys about yourself (that you may not even be aware of) which will assist your search in the right direction.  They will even enlighten you along the way.

You also need to understand that finding your purpose will change things.  The way you look at your life and what you value is likely to change.  You will look and feel differently about yourself.  You will know that you know and it will be very difficult to explain to anyone else at the level you understand it.  Clarity on many things you have previously questioned will abound.

You will also likely realize that certain tasks and duties you currently do are likely to be less important.  This can be both good and bad.  The realization of your purpose, though, is not free.  Like anything in this world, there is a price to pay for things of great value.

So, are you still ready to go on this search which will change your life?

Next week, we will look at what some of those keys are.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 11 (Final)

Attracting healthy love is something we do because of the person we become.  This is the final segment of this series.

The Attracting Healthy Love series has been filled with healthy, positive and thought provoking ideas.  I wish I could tell you all of it is my own insight but that would be far from true.  The ideas shared are a collection of common denominators, some from experts who have been studying relationships before I was even a twinkle in my parent’s eyes.

I encourage you to review these from time to time. Although there are literally dozens of different subjects we could have gone into in-depth, the ones we have touched base on are a great platform from which to build on.  And, like anything we build, a healthy foundation is the basis that keeps all of it from falling apart.

You have your list.  Update it as needed. This is your centerpiece for attracting the right kind of person to you.  Remember what I said, there is magic in reading it out loud.   Take this seriously. Make your written list part of your life, just as you do your personal hygiene.

Remember you cannot attract someone to you that you are not willing to first become.  In your mind, if you can picture a beautiful, gentle, thoughtful person you want as a partner, you first have to become that person.

For some, attracting and finding Mr. or Ms. Right will be difficult.  For others, this concept is somewhat familiar.  It depends on where you come from and what your past has been.  Regardless of where you are, there is a learning curve.  Allow yourself grace to work through this.

Whether or not you can believe, you are worth so much more than you realize.  Too often we devalue our self-worth because of fear, the fear of not finding the right person.  The result is we settle for less than the best. 

Remember, as a rule, no one will ever value or love you any more than you value or love yourself.  If you want someone to think the world of you, you need to think the world of yourself.  I am not talking about narcissism.  I am talking about loving yourself and knowing how valuable you are as a person.

If you don’t love yourself first, how can you possibly love someone else? Love runs on a two way street, not one way.  As unfortunate as it is, many people go through life with a low self-esteem.  Look at how many people look down when they are walking. It’s sad.

Lastly, if you’re willing to adopt new healthy habits, you will substantially increase your chances of attracting healthy love into your life. More times than not, it is the little things repeated daily which make all the difference, not the less frequent bigger things.

Attracting healthy love will take practice.  There will be trial and error, so expect it.  It’s changing how you think, what you believe to be true, and accepting that we may not have all the answers.  Taking these ideas and implementing them into your life is easy to talk about, harder to do, and it won’t work every time.  But what it is guaranteed to do is change who you are becoming.  And that is the key to attracting who you want into your life.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed!

Expectations & Communication ~ Part 10

What are your expectations regarding Mr. or Ms. Right?

This is part 10 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

It has been said that some of the most brilliant ideas are also some of the most obvious.  I would say that communicating your expectations falls right in line with this.

Although communicating your expectations will probably not be something you do right off the bat when dating, but it will be vital if you can see yourself long-term with this person.  Because of this, sharing your beliefs and coming to a mutual understanding on certain topics is essential.

I have heard stories about couples who got married and failed to discuss financial matters, having or raising children, beliefs in God, family values and individual goals beforehand.  I can’t understand how things of such importance were overlooked, but they were.  Don’t let this be you.

Here are several things to consider: how does each of you view money?  Do you save or spend?  Do both of you like / want kids?  If so, how many?  What are your individual parenting styles?  Will God be a part of your marriage?  Where will you attend church?  Have you clearly shared your dreams, goals and aspirations with each other?  Will you live where you currently are or is re locating an option for the future?

Another area which is often not communicated is sexual expectations.  Although this can be a difficult area of discussion, it is important.  Past partners (if any) can sometimes set standards that may or may not be realistic for Mr. or Ms. Right. 

Society, certain magazines, pornography and Hollywood-like influences can also create unrealistic expectations.  Be aware of this.  The pressure to be a sexual superstar runs high in our culture.  Communicate your feelings and thoughts from the beginning.  Then there is never a void between the two of you.  If you can talk openly about sex, chances are you can talk about everything else that is important.

Your best policy is to keep the line of communication open right from the beginning with regard to what you hold sacred, what you value and what your non-negotiables are.

Make sure you are able to share your frustrations and concerns.  The art of genuinely listening is rare and should be held in high regard.  Most times people don’t want an answer, they want to be heard and understood.  Make sure your special someone is a listener.  The last thing anyone wants is to be fixed after going through a tough day at work.

Of the marriages that fail, a lack of communication is generally at the heart of the problem.  If you can master heartfelt communication early on, you will substantially increase your odds of attracting and keeping healthy love.

Next week is part 11, the final chapter in this series of Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 9

We all have a love style.  Do you know yours?

This is part nine in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

The way in which you feel loved is a critical piece to making a healthy relationship last long-term.  Each one of us has a primary love style (love language) that makes us feel loved.

For example, some people feel loved by receiving gifts.  Others feel loved by simply being touched.  Sharing positive encouraging words, doing acts of service for that special person or sharing quality time, are all different styles in which we feel loved.

Each one of us has a primary and a secondary love style.  Knowing what makes us feel loved is an important piece of the puzzle when attracting healthy love into our lives. 

Just like the different personality styles, there is no right or wrong.  Your love style is the style you were born with as a child.  You felt loved then the same way you do today, only in a more intimate, mature way.

Many times, in the past when I have coached people about obtaining healthy relationships in their lives, I am reminded that many people are simply not aware they even have a love style.  To this I say: if you don’t know what actions make you feel loved, how will you be aware of what actions are necessary for your spouse to feel loved?

Love is a verb.  It is more than just saying I love you.  We show our love in our daily actions.  The majority of time, by nature, we tend to show love to our special someone the same way we like to receive love.  Although this is not necessarily bad, it is not always correct.

Our spouse needs to be loved according to their style, not just how we think they should feel love.  The person who is fueled by being touched, is not going to feel love the same way by being told positive, affirming compliments.  Both are important but in this example, physical touch will flood their heart with love far better than anything else.

Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of: The five Love Languages is an expert in this area.  If you are serious about attracting healthy love, I recommend reading his book and studying the styles.  You need to know and understand your style.  Then you will begin to understand how Mr. or Ms. Right will need to feel loved when they come into your life.

Next week we will go into part 10 in Attracting Healthy Love, Expectations.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Your Attitude ~ Part 8

Do you have the right attitude to attract Mr. or Ms. Right? 
 This is part 8 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.
 There is an old saying that says:  Is your attitude worth catching?    This valid question demands and answer.  Combine this with searching for the perfect person and we create an interesting dynamic within ourselves.
 Many years ago, prior to dating my wife, I sometimes browsed the personal ads in newspapers.  (this was before the on line dating scene)  While viewing them, several common denominators became clear to me about the people looking for that special someone.  In large, most seemed to be looking for what they could get, not what they could give. 
 Creating and building a healthy loving relationship is an attitude.  It is a mindset that expresses our core beliefs about the way we think a relationship should be.  As I said earlier in this series, if the results you have received up to this point have not yielded you the results you are looking for, then something needs to change.
 That change, more than likely, is your attitude.  Very few people want to be around someone who has a poor attitude.  It's draining and repelling.  I have met people who some would call successful but have a crappy attitude.  The result is, people don't want to be around them.  On the other side of the coin, I have met people who have little but their attitude shines like the sun and they attract multitudes of friends.
 Carrying a positive, supportive attitude around with you each day is essential if you are going to attract the right kind of person into your life.  You cannot have a poor attitude and expect that special person to show up in your life and bring you a positive one.  To think this way is naive.
 Take an honest look at yourself.  Is your attitude worth catching?  Ask your employer.  They will tell you the truth.  Better yet, look at your last performance review.  This could be a good way for you to see how others view your attitude.  The attitude you carry at your work, should be the same attitude you carry in your personal life.  If it's not, you may want to ask yourself why this is. 
 Having a good attitude does not mean everything is perfect either.  It means you are choosing to look past the struggles and challenges of the present and not let it bring you down.  Yes, attitude is a choice and it will make all the difference in the world when it comes to you attracting the kind of spouse you desire.
 So, if Mr. or Ms. Right presented themselves today, can you say your attitude would be one they would want to be around? 
 Next week is part 9 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.
 Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed. 

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 7

Remember the list I asked you to make several weeks ago?  Did you do it?  This week, we are going to touch base on your list and what it means to you.  

If you do not have a list made or are unsure of what I am referring to, feel free to go back to the first and second weeks of this series.
 
This is week seven in the series: Attracting Healthy Love.
 
There is power in a written list.  People who are goal setters are well aware of this.  Writing heartfelt things and reviewing them often, tends to have magic in it.  That magic is more of an attraction.
 
Your list should include things that are important to you in finding your special someone.  As a reminder, there should not be anything on the list which includes the words: I do not want or I do not like...  If you have this on your list, remove it immediately.  

As a general rule, 20 things might be too much and 10 might not be enough.  Feel free to be specific, as it is not the same as being picky.  This is your life we are talking about, your lifelong spouse, friend and companion

Too often people sell themselves short in finding what they really want.   They are too afraid they will never find the right someone, so they settle for second or third best.  When they do this, we know how the story turns out.  For a period of time they deal with it.  Then they become frustrated, and finally, they find themselves miserable.

As we grow in maturity and responsibility, so do our needs and desires.  There is nothing wrong with this.  Just make sure your list is as accurate to your true inner self as possible.
 
A few things to remember: In the bigger picture, our bodies, desires and interests can and do change.  That is life.  When I was 21, I had most of the hair I was born with.  By the age of 28, I had very little.  Now, what is left is turning grey!  Oh how lucky I am.

Keep the main things the main things and let go of the insignificants.  If you’re hung up on an exact height and weight and refuse to deviate, you may need a checkup from the neck up.
 

Read your list, out loud, several times a week, even daily if possible.  You need to hear yourself say out loud what you want in a spouse.  Then continue to work on yourself.  Deal with the past and get through the hurts.  You can never be too good for Mr. or Ms. Right.

Next week, we will look at part 8 on Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed!


 

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 6

So far, we have uncovered a handful of destructive and unhealthy ideals with regard to attracting healthy love.  This week we are going to go over that "C" word.   You know... commitment.
 If you were to ask any couple who has been married for an extensive period of time, the one word you will hear over and over again is commitment.  That is, a commitment to and for each other.  But what does that really mean?
 When we make a commitment to someone, we are making a statement which speaks volumes.  A heartfelt commitment (which should be the only kind of commitment) means that come hell or high water, good or bad, better or worse, you are in this for the long haul.  Commitments should not be made because of emotions.  It is ok to have them, but using them as your sole guide could very easily put you in a situation you never intended to be, wondering: "How did this happen?"
 Although I have said this before, I am going to say it again: It is never a good idea to make long-term choices based on short-term feelings.  Most of the time those waves of emotions, in a new relationship, will blow like the wind in the first year.  Commitment is first an internal choice that is expressed outwardly, not the other way around.
 Commitment is more than just sticking it out in tough times.  It is also about helping the other person when they need it.  Making adjustments in our attitude and behavior is a way of following through on a commitment.  Commitments can be viewed as working together through problems rather than letting your spouse deal with their stuff while you wait patiently on the sidelines.  It doesn't mean everything is always going to be great.  It doesn't mean everything will be perfect.  It means you agree to work together in order for the relationship to grow.
 Commitment is not a one-way street, it has two lanes.  Both parties need to have equal levels of commitment for a relationship to be healthy.  25% commitment from one person and 75% from the other simply cannot last long-term.  How will you know a person’s level of commitment?  There are two answers.
 By becoming a person who can make a heartfelt commitment, you will attract someone like you.  To do this, it is you who must become that person.  To try and find someone who can commit, all the while knowing on the inside you cannot, is like taking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.  It's absurd and unrealistic.
 The second part in realizing true commitment, is watching what people do, not what they say.  Words are easy to say and unfortunately, are too often shallow.  Watch to see if people's actions line up with their words.  This is a good way to tell if someone is truly heartfelt about their commitments. 
 Combine these two ideas and you have stacked the deck in your favor for having a healthy, committed relationship.
 Next week, we will be touching base on the bigger picture and your detailed list.
 Have a great week everyone, be blessed.