What you allow Grows

Ever wake up one day and think to yourself, “How did this happen?”  Well, chances are, it didn't just happen. Over time, you allowed it.

As a rule of thumb, those things which we permit in our life, we have also given permission for their increase.  That is, if we choose to do nothing about bad behavior, than we should expect it to continue to grow.

Consider the disrespectful teenager.  Their actions and words can be hurtful and destructive.  As a parent, if you decide to allow this type of behavior then you should also expect it to only get worse.

The tiny weeds in the garden that are no big deal today will become abundant and thick tomorrow if not dealt with.  The alcoholic spouse, who is only slightly abusive today, will become more abusive tomorrow.

Recently, I worked in an office where one of the team members was very toxic in attitude, behavior and the way they treated others.  I learned this had been going on for several years.  The boss was well aware of the actions but refused to deal with the employee in a manner which would detour the behavior.  It was no surprise to me when I learned it had become worse over the years.  The behavior we allow today will grow tomorrow.

For some personality styles, dealing with confrontation is not easy.  Naturally, we want to avoid it, walk away or pretend like it does not affect us.  The fact is, dealing with conflict is not a bad thing.  Holding people accountable for their actions, words or behavior is very healthy.  It also requires work and is often times uncomfortable.  Yet, it is necessary to keep the destructive environment from affecting others.

If you have a family member who treats you with disrespect and you have not confronted them about it, understand you have essentially given that person permission to treat you however they wish.  Too often, people don't give a second thought to how they are being perceived.  They are only interested in telling you what they think.

By standing up for ourselves and refusing to let others mistreat us, we are also automatically increasing our self image.  Think about the last time someone talked down to you.  How did it make you feel?  Now think about the last time you stood up for yourself.  Did you demand respect?  Did you tell someone you will not accept being talked down to?  How did that make you feel?  Could you then look in the mirror and be proud of your self?

Years ago, I came to a place where I refused to be talked down to and when I did, it was life-changing.  A spouse, coworker, child or even a parent can sometimes lose touch with boundaries and respect for others.  Don't let things like this intimidate you.  It's not about you it's about them and their own insecurity of who they are.

Take the high road and demand others treat you with kindness, and hold them accountable.  Once you do, you will be amazed at how some people leave your life and how others look to you with a whole new level of respect. Not to mention, how you see yourself.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Your Choices...Your Life

The life you are living right now is the result of the choices you have made up to this point.

Most folks don’t realize that they have choices.  Many run on auto-pilot, making each day look a lot more like chance than choice.  But just the opposite is true.  Everything is a choice!

It wasn’t until I reached my mid 30’s that I truly grabbed hold of this reality.  Each day, I could choose what I would do, where I would go, my activities, attitude…all of it.  Granted, the majority of those choices were obvious and easy…but I still got to choose.

Each new day brings with it the seed of choice.  How you start your day, what you will wear, will you exercise, will you have a good attitude and will you be on time to your first meeting.  All of these choices and you haven’t even left your house yet!

Left to chance?  I don’t believe there is such a thing.  Even if one tries to make a case for this, the fact is, you can still choose to do nothing, and that is a choice.

Look back on your life.  How many times have you come to a crossroads where a major choice was before you?  How did you handle it?  Did you weigh your options, look at all sides and try to make the best choice possible?

In the past, have you made poor choices?  If so, what did you learn from them?  Sometimes, wrong choices today give us opportunities to excel in the future because learning and choosing differently next time, brings about favor and wisdom.

Once in awhile, the crossroads of life are not always so clear and then the choice we have to make can be a struggle.  Yet still, we are forced to make a choice.

Choice is the reason we can create the life we want.  It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us.

We also need to keep in mind that for every choice we make, there are or can be lasting consequences.  Choosing to forgo exercise every morning and eat a donut may bring short-term satisfaction, but over the long-term, it’s detrimental to your health. 

After reading this, you will make a choice to either ignore it, or think about it.  Regardless, each day, what we choose affects not only our self but often, those around us as well.

Once we realize and grasp this concept, there can be no more blame game.  You can’t play the victim card, nor can you point fingers at others and say it’s their fault for your circumstances.

Will you decide to start choosing wisely?  Can you see that your choices equal the person you are today?

Want a different job?  Make different choices.  Want a better relationship with your spouse?  Make better choices.  Want to lose some weight and feel attractive again?  It’s easier than you think…just make different choices.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love

Have you ever felt like finding that perfect someone may never happen?  Well, you’re right, it may not… unless you are willing to make some changes.

Everywhere we look we see a friend, family member or co-worker looking for the ideal mate.  Those words "If only I could find someone that..." you fill in the blank.  What does, "If only..." mean?  It almost sounds like a plea of some sort, or a wish upon a star - straight out of a kid’s book, that hopefully, one day, will come true.  Have you ever heard this before?

Then there is the person who seems to find that perfect person.  Oh, they are so incredibly happy!  Six months or a year later, they have found the next perfect person.  Funny thing is they seem to be even happier than the last time.  A year or two later and there has been three or four perfect someone's and they still are looking for the next one.  Sound familiar?

Some find Mr. or Ms. Right and then find out they were not Mr. or Ms. Right.  They were, in fact, Mr. or Ms. Toxic!  Manipulation, abuse, guilt, all of the self destructive habits and beliefs slowly start to destroy what seemed like the perfect match. 

There are many reasons why it seems impossible to find someone who will give you the kind of love you are searching for.  One of the bigger struggles seems to be finding someone who will leave their unpacked baggage out of your life.  If you’re wondering, is this actually possible?  I will tell you, yes it is!

Next week, we will start a lengthy series entitled: Attracting Healthy Love.  This series will cover a variety of topics which are prudent to every relationship you have, will have and have had.  Some of the subject matter will be intimate.  Other ideas may strike a nerve and you may not agree.  The most in-depth subject covered will be you!

If you’re serious about uncovering the key to finding a healthy spouse, or if you know of someone who is, this series may be exactly what is needed.  Be prepared though, this material might have life-changing affects.  Ask yourself, are you really, really ready for some answers?  You may start to feel uncomfortable with what is shared, all of which could be a sign that you need to make some changes... from within!

If you are sick and tired of finding the wrong person and wondering if a long-lasting love will ever come your way, you need this.  This is for you.

Next week, we will dive into: Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Loss

Looking back on our lives from time to time is and can be a healthy thing to do. Reflecting helps us to see where we have made both good and not so good choices. Successes and setbacks, love and loss, happy times and sad times, all of these, you and I can learn from (if we choose to) and use them as a springboard for the future. The one thing thing though that you and I will experience and continue to go through no matter how old, how young, rich or poor, is loss at various stages of life.

The losses we have endured are not always fun to talk about. Most all of us would agree it to be a negative topic and one that we rarely discuss in open. Loss is part of everyday life and although it can stir up strong emotions, there is a lot we can learn from what loss does to us and how we can grow from it. Loss comes in many different forms. There is the loss of a spouse, child, pet, losing money, a limb, a job, a best friend, income, jewelry, sight or hearing, a neighbor, a home, a Grand parent, a soldier in the military, an aunt or uncle. Even in the ancient text, in the very first recording of humans, Adam and Eve lost their privilege of living in the Garden that God provided for them. Loss is everywhere, isn’t it?

I bet if we were to take fifteen minutes and make a list, it would astonish us as to how much loss we have dealt with. What, though, does all of this loss tell us? What does it say? I know people who seem to go from one loss to another to another before the first loss can even be healed from. When you really think about it, why is life filled with so much of it?

A good friend and mentor of mine said, “It is not easy being human.” To that I would have to agree. It isn’t easy, or always pleasant, and it is not always fun. But I don’t think that life was ever meant to be that way. Going back to that story in the first days, Adam and Eve experienced some of the same loss that you and I do today. Could it be that loss is by design? If so, then why? Many books have been written on this topic. Many professional speakers, Pastors and Preachers have spoken on this topic. It has been addressed from the beginning. So if loss has been around that long and appears to be by design, what are we to take from it and do with it?

The only thing I personally can say about this topic is that there is reason to believe that while we are healing from losses in our life, maybe we are supposed to learn some things as well. I have no magical answers here, nor was I there in the early days but humans are learning creatures. We can think on our own, make decisions based on information available to us, and seek more information. That can very well set us at the top of creation with all of our unique and individual abilities. We learn and grow (change) from experiences everyday, every time, in every facet of life. Could that mean we learn from loss too? I say astoundingly, yes!

Loss teaches us about the value of life and all that is in it. We tend to become more thankful and grateful after we have suffered some kind of loss. Why? Because we realize what we once had and how truly important it was to us. Life tends to take on a new meaning after we have suffered loss. Many times people will come to realize those things which are truly important and those which are not. Our hearts can also grow fonder of people around us, and humbleness can set in as well.

Overall, we realize no matter what we have, it can and sometimes will be taken from us. There are no guarantees that the people you love and care about will be around tomorrow. None of us own the crystal ball of life. What we can do is accept, appreciate, love and be thankful for what we have in our lives right now, today. Loss is coming, I promise you. There is no avoiding it and there is no running from it. We might as well learn to deal with it and grow from it so that we can help, support and be a better friend to those around us so when they deal with those unfortunate events of loss, we can be there for them.


Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.



Scott Stewart

Author, Speaker and Inspiring others to a life of greatness.

scott@lovelossandgrowth.com