Your Plans? Yeah Right...

In the movie Evan Almighty, there is a scene where Evan Baxter (Steve Carell) is talking with God (Morgan Freeman).  God told Evan that he will be building an Ark to house the animals from a flood.  Evan is less than excited about it.  He proceeds to tell God how he is not the man for the job, he has other things to do and how this project does not line up with his schedule. Instantly, God starts laughing.  Evan goes on to strongly emphasize; "this is not in my plans!"  Upon hearing this, God erupts into even further laughter.  Evan just stares at him with a look of "why are you laughing?"

The next words God tells Evan are powerful; "Your plans?  Yeah that's a funny one."

People want to believe they are in control of their plans.  We feel confident and on purpose when we work that plan and progress on it. But does that really qualify as being in control?

Recently, over lunch, a good friend of mine reminded me of that movie scene and how life is often like that. 

Like Evan, I too was given something which was not part of my plans.  It came out of left field, no signs, no warnings whatsoever.  My friend, mentor, sound board and prayer partner when things got tough, she edited most of my writings for the last two and a half years, had a life altering accident and lost her life.  Truly a tragedy.  One that her family and I are still working through.  Losing Gina prematurely was not in any of our plans and some of us are still speechless.

Rarely, if ever, are there answers to why things like this happen, especially when they seem so devastating.  Was it God's plan?  Was it just an accident God allowed to happen?  One day, maybe we'll know, but for now, in this life, all of us will have to deal with tragedies.  Responsibilities and obligations never not stop for the living.

More than likely, our best, well intended plans will have to be altered.  That doesn't make them wrong, it means we need to be able to change, with the change that is thrown to us.  Each of us set our plans into motion with the most accurate information we have at the time.  Then, down the road, with more information the necessary changes can be made, ensuring the desired outcome we want.

Many good, caring, loving people have had things happen to them that they did not deserve or they were not part of their plans. Yet at the end of the day, the best thing we can do is get back up, dust ourselves off and allow ourselves to deal and heal.  Then, start walking again. It's a process that takes time and we need to be patient with our self. No, it won't be easy, no one ever said it would.

Tragedies are not road blocks, they're detours.  I had to remind myself of this a few times over the last several months.  We may walk differently after the tragedy and that's OK.  The point is to start walking again. Don't let devastation hold you back from doing what you know, needs to be done. 

Set backs are 90% internal and 10% external.  They are a mental battle.  At the end of the day, I am reminded that losing someone you love is merely an indicator that your course has changed. Moving forward is the only option for me and I hope it is for you, as well. 

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

(In memory of an amazing friend and woman, Gina Barrett.  I promise to finish what we started,  love and miss you mom)

If God is Real...Why Can't I see Him?

Is the question, does God exist?  OR… is my mind open to see it?
 
Recently, I was sitting at a table with friends and family enjoying a meal when the discussion surfaced…does God exist. 

I admit, I thoroughly enjoy this type of topic.  By nature, I am a listener.  Listening to people talk and use words in a specific manner creates knowledge.  You can find the answer to nearly every question by listening, if you get good enough at it.

In this 35 minute discussion, I rarely spoke.  There was no reason to.  No one at the table was interested in answers.  They were far more interested in sharing their thoughts and ideas.  While sitting there, I realized something profound!
 
In this setting, the real rooted question was not about weather God existed or not.  The real subject was if he exists, why can't I see Him.  The short, black and white answer to this is easier than you might think.The discussion went several different ways with opinions, ideas and thoughts.  As I sat there intently listening, one phrase that kept being repeated was “it is hard to believe in God because you can't see Him and I can only believe in what I see.” 
 

What we believe and hold in our mind as truth, determines most every aspect of our life because all of our choices are based around what we believe.  If you can’t see God, maybe it’s because your personal belief system is not letting you.
 
Largely formed from our past, our belief system holds all of the good and the bad experiences.  Hurts, pain, pleasures and memories.  Books you have read and people you have associated with, parents, successes and tragedies.  It's all accounted for and all of it has created you and what you hold as truth.
 
This means, each of us hold an image of what we think God looks like, where He is and what He does.  Some hold the belief that He is like a step father with a zero tolerance for error and punishes swiftly.  Others see Him as a gentle, loving, caring, guiding Dad who holds unconditional love for His children.  The way you see Him or think of Him is in large, based on your programming. (Experiences)
 
Those who don't believe, it could be your personal set of beliefs do not line up with what God is suppose to look like.  Therefore, He must not exist.  After all, what kind of God would allow so much destruction, hate, hunger and evil in the world, right?  
 
If your own belief system does not line up with the image of what God is suppose to look like for you, your belief system will dismiss it as invalid.  Therefore, making it only logical to take the stance that God doesn't exist.
 
I know for a fact that several of my family sitting around the table that night have had miracles in their life.  A few, more than once.  Yet they still struggle with believing that God exists. 

One could ask, where do miracles come from?  After all, if we will only do a little searching, we will see that miracles happen all around us, sometimes every day. 
 
Science has gone to great length to prove there is no God.  Yet, the search itself has raised more questions than can be answered.  Even if they are answerable, it requires faith in the science itself to accept its answers.  
 
Believing in God is more of a faith thing than it is a seeing thing.  Yes, many have seen and experienced things that make no sense as to why or how.  Personally, I fit into this category.  Many have seen miracles happen in their own life and yet still refuse to accept that God had anything to do with it.  Even when claiming God is the only half way reasonable answer, they still cannot bring themselves to accept it.   
 
Pride and ego also play a factor. If a person is more interested in being right then seeking the truth, all the proof in the world will not be enough to convince.
 
I have heard that coincidences are when God chooses to remain anonymous. Personally, I am ok with that.  I don't need a mathematical equation to answer every coincidence that happens in my life. 

If you do, that’s ok.  Just remember, there is no proof the sun will come up tomorrow.  We believe it will come up because we have faith.  That faith comes from the past, seeing it rise and set many times before.  Yes, even faith, is built on what we have and have not seen.
 
Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 5

A relationship can hold the most value in your search for your calling, but what kind of relationship?

This week is part 5, Finding Your Calling.
 
Books, meetings, church...even your spouse, are valuable for you to find your calling.  But a relationship with the right person, at the right time is invaluable.  Ever heard the old phrase, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear?  
 
There is magic to be found in the pursuit of something.  That is, genuinely searching for answers produces the magic.  The world has a way of holding onto answers until a person is truly ready.
 
There are people everywhere who want answers.  The problem is, they are willing to do little, if anything, to get them.  This includes seeking a meaningful relationship with a person who can effectively mentor and coach them.  Why on earth would someone invest time and even pay someone whom they have never met or known very well?  Because they have invaluable information you do not have and they did not get it by luck or chance, but by pursuit.
 
The answers to what you are seeking are not mysteries.  They do however tend to be clothed in camouflage.  Answers do not appear for everyone.  I have read that answers are reserved for those who have to know, not merely want to know.  
 
Coaches and mentors have been a part of my life for many years, even back to a time when I didn't know that's what they were.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a dad or a mom who made a good coach.  Other people stepped up to help guide me when I needed it.  In my twenties, I realized just how much of an asset they were.  John Maxwell says:  “What you learn is important but who you learn it from is even more important.”
 
The key is to find one who you trust and feel in-sync with.  My friend Tammi Brannan created the Instinctive Life several years ago.  Her site, http://www.instinctivelife.com/  is dedicated to help people see their natural instinctive abilities, traits, thoughts and likes, then set them on a course in that direction.
 
Author Lori Chance coaches those who want to write their first book.  http://www.authorshipforexperts.com/home/.  There can be many landmines and pitfalls in writing your first book and taking on the task alone could prove to be overwhelming.  Irregardless, both of these ladies have a tremendous amount of value to offer when it comes to finding some of life’s answers.  The insight, wisdom and knowledge of having a coach is a great way to find the answers you are searching for.
 
I once heard Dr. Mike Murdock share that everything you are wanting is only a relationship away. The right person in the right season of your life can help advance you further than you could ever dream possible.  I can say this because I have experienced it.
 
Next week, we will do an overview on the topic of finding your calling.  Until then, write down what actions you are going to take to move forward with finding your calling.  We will touch base on those then.
 
Have a great Memorial Weekend everyone, be blessed.    
 

Finding Your Calling ~ Part 2

If you search, you will find.  This is what ancient scriptures tell us.  If you want to find your purpose in life, it will take commitment and persistence.  Are you willing to do what it takes?  This week is part 2 Finding Your Calling.

There are many keys which can help guide us in looking for our purpose.  They are not often mentioned, many don't even realize there are hidden keys all around us.  More important is the mindset you hold when understanding these keys.

 Your mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is open.  Is yours open?  I can give you clues to assist you in finding what you want to do with your life but unless you’re open to examining yourself and getting out of your comfort zone, what is shared with you will fall on deaf ears.  So for a moment, set aside your preconceived notions, and take in the following ideas:

 Ask these questions:  What do you spend a lot of your free time thinking about?  Is it a person, a place, is it an idea?  When this comes to mind, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel happy, excited, sad or does it promote fear within you?  Most people are not aware of what they randomly think about.  If this is you, pay attention to your thoughts and where they go.

 As a general rule, the very thing you were created for is also something that ignites a fire inside you.  That fire could be anger, happiness or even compassion.  Chances are, you will feel passionate about it on several different levels.  As an example, when I hear about a dysfunctional family where there is verbally / emotional abuse or neglect, a fire stirs up inside me.  This is because my calling is to help people live with healthy attitudes, thoughts and beliefs.  I know from experience dysfunctional families do not hold the same traits that I value.

Whose tears affect you the most?  When you see someone in pain, or someone mourning, does grief stir you?  Many times I have heard that people often start a business or offer a service simply because they had a bad experience in that particular area.  Use your past experiences, both good and bad, to help guide you in what you are passionate about.

 Lastly:  Chances are, your calling will include a person or a group of people.  Your service and passion is needed to some, yet not everyone.  Even Microsoft does not have a PC in every home.  You cannot be all things to all people, nor should you try.  But to some, you will mean a great deal.  Who are those folks for whom you have a great deal of compassion?

 As you answer these questions, I encourage you to write them down.  Then study them.  Invest time thinking about your answers.  Next week we will cover several more hidden keys to help you find your purpose.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Expectations & Communication ~ Part 10

What are your expectations regarding Mr. or Ms. Right?

This is part 10 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

It has been said that some of the most brilliant ideas are also some of the most obvious.  I would say that communicating your expectations falls right in line with this.

Although communicating your expectations will probably not be something you do right off the bat when dating, but it will be vital if you can see yourself long-term with this person.  Because of this, sharing your beliefs and coming to a mutual understanding on certain topics is essential.

I have heard stories about couples who got married and failed to discuss financial matters, having or raising children, beliefs in God, family values and individual goals beforehand.  I can’t understand how things of such importance were overlooked, but they were.  Don’t let this be you.

Here are several things to consider: how does each of you view money?  Do you save or spend?  Do both of you like / want kids?  If so, how many?  What are your individual parenting styles?  Will God be a part of your marriage?  Where will you attend church?  Have you clearly shared your dreams, goals and aspirations with each other?  Will you live where you currently are or is re locating an option for the future?

Another area which is often not communicated is sexual expectations.  Although this can be a difficult area of discussion, it is important.  Past partners (if any) can sometimes set standards that may or may not be realistic for Mr. or Ms. Right. 

Society, certain magazines, pornography and Hollywood-like influences can also create unrealistic expectations.  Be aware of this.  The pressure to be a sexual superstar runs high in our culture.  Communicate your feelings and thoughts from the beginning.  Then there is never a void between the two of you.  If you can talk openly about sex, chances are you can talk about everything else that is important.

Your best policy is to keep the line of communication open right from the beginning with regard to what you hold sacred, what you value and what your non-negotiables are.

Make sure you are able to share your frustrations and concerns.  The art of genuinely listening is rare and should be held in high regard.  Most times people don’t want an answer, they want to be heard and understood.  Make sure your special someone is a listener.  The last thing anyone wants is to be fixed after going through a tough day at work.

Of the marriages that fail, a lack of communication is generally at the heart of the problem.  If you can master heartfelt communication early on, you will substantially increase your odds of attracting and keeping healthy love.

Next week is part 11, the final chapter in this series of Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Your Attitude ~ Part 8

Do you have the right attitude to attract Mr. or Ms. Right? 
 This is part 8 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.
 There is an old saying that says:  Is your attitude worth catching?    This valid question demands and answer.  Combine this with searching for the perfect person and we create an interesting dynamic within ourselves.
 Many years ago, prior to dating my wife, I sometimes browsed the personal ads in newspapers.  (this was before the on line dating scene)  While viewing them, several common denominators became clear to me about the people looking for that special someone.  In large, most seemed to be looking for what they could get, not what they could give. 
 Creating and building a healthy loving relationship is an attitude.  It is a mindset that expresses our core beliefs about the way we think a relationship should be.  As I said earlier in this series, if the results you have received up to this point have not yielded you the results you are looking for, then something needs to change.
 That change, more than likely, is your attitude.  Very few people want to be around someone who has a poor attitude.  It's draining and repelling.  I have met people who some would call successful but have a crappy attitude.  The result is, people don't want to be around them.  On the other side of the coin, I have met people who have little but their attitude shines like the sun and they attract multitudes of friends.
 Carrying a positive, supportive attitude around with you each day is essential if you are going to attract the right kind of person into your life.  You cannot have a poor attitude and expect that special person to show up in your life and bring you a positive one.  To think this way is naive.
 Take an honest look at yourself.  Is your attitude worth catching?  Ask your employer.  They will tell you the truth.  Better yet, look at your last performance review.  This could be a good way for you to see how others view your attitude.  The attitude you carry at your work, should be the same attitude you carry in your personal life.  If it's not, you may want to ask yourself why this is. 
 Having a good attitude does not mean everything is perfect either.  It means you are choosing to look past the struggles and challenges of the present and not let it bring you down.  Yes, attitude is a choice and it will make all the difference in the world when it comes to you attracting the kind of spouse you desire.
 So, if Mr. or Ms. Right presented themselves today, can you say your attitude would be one they would want to be around? 
 Next week is part 9 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.
 Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed. 

Attracting Healthy Love Part 2

Last week we talked about attracting certain people in of our lives.  Was it a hard concept to grasp?  If so, it’s ok.  You’re not alone.

When an idea is presented to us that says what we’re doing is giving us results we do not want, our initial response will be resistance or even denial.  After all, why would anyone in their right mind go after something they really don’t want?  Answer?  They wouldn’t…unless they weren’t aware they were doing it.

This is part two in a series entitled: Attracting Healthy Love.

When I was in my 20’s, I dated a handful of different girls.  All of them caring, giving, beautiful women but they also had one common denominator.  A factor in which I could not see, yet was real and working in my attraction to them and them to me.

One day it came to me like a ton of bricks: Why in the world am I repeatedly attracted to these types of women?  You see, the common denominator for me was every one of these gals needed to be emotionally rescued.  Subconsciously I was taking it upon myself to be their rescuer.  Therefore I was attracting this type of woman into my life.

Admittedly, that is a very unhealthy belief to live with.  It is never my or your job to emotionally rescue anybody.  But being young and having some messed up unhealthy ideas about who I was and what I was wanting were guiding me.  Things I had no clue were attracting these types of women into my life.

Most often it is past events of life that tend to create who we are when it comes to attracting a mate.  Remember:  You can’t fix something about yourself if you don’t know it is broken.  So if you’re not attracting the ideal mate into your life, there is a reason. 

Each one of us has the ability to change who we attract into our life. One of the greatest gifts of being human is having choices.  Once we become aware of a trait within us that does not serve us well, we can chose to change it.

So what is the first step in making this change?  It is, by far, the most important step you will ever take and it is a have to if you are going to attract the ideal mate into your life.  What I am referring too is personal desire. 

You have to want something better.  You need to want it badly enough that you’re willing to leave behind the concepts you thought were right but has not yielded the results you want.

Ask yourself this.  Am I sick and tired of attracting the wrong kind of person into my life?  Am I ready to look within myself and adjust (fix) what is holding me back from having my ideal spouse?

If your answer is a solid yes then congratulations.  You are on your way to attracting the kind of mate your heart truly wants.

Next week we will uncover some key components you need to be aware of in the changing process.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love Part 1

Do you have the desire?  Do you want it bad enough?  Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?  If your answer is yes to these questions, then this series on Attracting Healthy Love is for you.

The first and probably most important questions, you need to answer, are you, in fact, ready to change some things about yourself? Would you like to stop attracting the wrong kind of mate and start attracting the right one?  If you are, then keep reading.  If you’re not, then what I have to share with you probably won't make a difference.  Not being mean, just stating a fact.  You have to want to or you won't!

Every relationship you have can only be as healthy as the people in it.  Therefore, we have to look in the mirror once in a while and have a check-up from the neck up.  Are we bringing healthy words and actions to the relationship or are we bringing negativity and doubt? 

Remember, we attract people to us that are like us.  Healthy or not, positive or negative, this subconscious attraction is always at work.

Often times I hear someone talking about what they don't want in a person. "I don't want this, I don't want that, I can't stand it when people do this..."  Simply by verbalizing this repeatedly, you are attracting someone with those traits.  It's called, what you give energy to grows.  Or, what you think about comes about.  Ancient scripture says: As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Give energy to what you want, not to what you don't.  In fact, don't even mention it anymore.  Not to yourself or to your friends.  Take that energy and start saying what you do want.  Over a short period of time, you will be amazed at what begins to change within you.

Have you made a list?  A list of what you do want in a spouse.  People make lists all the time.  Why not have a perfect spouse list?  Not a mental list, we all have those, I mean a written down, thought out list.  If not, do it.  The list should include all the things that are important and valuable to you.  Things that don't matter, leave them off.  A list of 10-17 traits would be ideal.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT feel like you’re being too picky.  This is not a time to cut yourself short.  This exercise is a time for you to see, in writing, what you are looking for.  Trust me, there is magic in doing this, so do it and be true to yourself!

It may take a few days or even a week or two for you to complete the list.  That is perfectly ok.  We are talking about the ideal person here.  It is imperative you get this right.  Once your list is complete, keep it handy.  We will be coming back to it in the near future.

Next week, we will be looking a little more into what we are attracting into our life and why.  Then, what you can do to change it. Stay tuned!

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Part 1 of 7: Our Beliefs

Last week I gave you some insight into how what we believe, controls and mostly dictates our life. I said that we are a Prisoner to our Beliefs . If you did not read last week’s message on this, I want to encourage you to go back and read it first before reading this one. In doing so, you will gain a deeper understanding of what we are going to cover this week: Realizing those deep- rooted personal beliefs that hold us back.

Ok, first things first here. Do you truly want to change some things about your life? Do you really want a different outcome than what you have been getting? If you are serious about making some changes, then I have some good news for you: Yes, you can change your life and it will start by changing what you believe. No, I am not going to try to make you believe you can defy gravity or with enough positive thinking you can make it stop raining outside. What I am talking about is you and your beliefs. It has nothing to do with the external but everything to do with the internal.

You and I have developed our beliefs usually by our past experiences; how we were raised and what our surroundings taught us. True, it does not matter if it is wrong or right, it just is what it is. It’s a program that runs in our brains and every time we want to know if something is true or not, good or bad, right or wrong, our minds turn to that old file (what we experienced or were taught or what we saw in the past). It then gives us a belief which results in an answer for what we are seeking. This is the basis of every belief you and I have ever had. It does not matter what the subject is, it just matters we understand every one of us operates from this place.

If you want a different outcome from what you have been experiencing in your life, you will need to change what it is you believe. To do this is not rocket science, nor is it complex. It will, however require that you truly want a different outcome, and make a conscious effort every day to do so. If you can be true to yourself with these two requirements, then yes, you can create a different outcome and get what you truly want out of life. You see, our minds are nothing more than a computer (A darn good one I might add) and as with any computer, it can be reprogrammed. I know, because I have done it and have met many other people who have also done it. Like I said, this is not rocket science, but the process of reprogramming your own computer will not be easy. So if you are going to do this, your desire will have to be strong enough to carry you through the difficult times during the process. Trust me on this, it will be well worth it! I am a living testimony of reprogramming what we believe.

For now, you will need to make a list of the things you want to change about yourself. Yes, write it down. No, a mental list is not good enough, you need to see and read those things which you put on your list. There is power in doing this, don’t take it lightly. Your list might only be a few things or it might be a dozen things. There is no right or wrong here, it’s your list. An example of some beliefs you might put on your list could be: I have always weighed too much so I always will; I don’t deserve to be happy; I know I will never be rich; I have always been this way and always will be; I guess I deserve to be alone.

Go ahead and make your list. What do you believe to be true about yourself but wish you could change? Next week we will dive into part 2 of this re-programming process.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.