Finding Your Calling ~ Part 2

If you search, you will find.  This is what ancient scriptures tell us.  If you want to find your purpose in life, it will take commitment and persistence.  Are you willing to do what it takes?  This week is part 2 Finding Your Calling.

There are many keys which can help guide us in looking for our purpose.  They are not often mentioned, many don't even realize there are hidden keys all around us.  More important is the mindset you hold when understanding these keys.

 Your mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is open.  Is yours open?  I can give you clues to assist you in finding what you want to do with your life but unless you’re open to examining yourself and getting out of your comfort zone, what is shared with you will fall on deaf ears.  So for a moment, set aside your preconceived notions, and take in the following ideas:

 Ask these questions:  What do you spend a lot of your free time thinking about?  Is it a person, a place, is it an idea?  When this comes to mind, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel happy, excited, sad or does it promote fear within you?  Most people are not aware of what they randomly think about.  If this is you, pay attention to your thoughts and where they go.

 As a general rule, the very thing you were created for is also something that ignites a fire inside you.  That fire could be anger, happiness or even compassion.  Chances are, you will feel passionate about it on several different levels.  As an example, when I hear about a dysfunctional family where there is verbally / emotional abuse or neglect, a fire stirs up inside me.  This is because my calling is to help people live with healthy attitudes, thoughts and beliefs.  I know from experience dysfunctional families do not hold the same traits that I value.

Whose tears affect you the most?  When you see someone in pain, or someone mourning, does grief stir you?  Many times I have heard that people often start a business or offer a service simply because they had a bad experience in that particular area.  Use your past experiences, both good and bad, to help guide you in what you are passionate about.

 Lastly:  Chances are, your calling will include a person or a group of people.  Your service and passion is needed to some, yet not everyone.  Even Microsoft does not have a PC in every home.  You cannot be all things to all people, nor should you try.  But to some, you will mean a great deal.  Who are those folks for whom you have a great deal of compassion?

 As you answer these questions, I encourage you to write them down.  Then study them.  Invest time thinking about your answers.  Next week we will cover several more hidden keys to help you find your purpose.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.

Finding Your Calling

What do you want to be when you grow up?  Most all of us have asked this, at least a few times.  But have you answered it?

Why are you here and what is your purpose?  These questions demand an answer!  We are going to take the next several weeks and cover this subject.  My aim is to help you uncover some hidden keys that will lead you to answering those questions.  First off, here are a few things you need to understand:

The Bible says if you search, you will find.  It does not say if you think about it and it does not say to toy with it.  It says to search, and searching takes dedication, determination and focus.  So, ask yourself; are you willing to search?

My search began in my twenties. I tried many things, all to find what I didn’t want, long before I found what I did want.  Although this can take time and energy, it is also a great way to learn about yourself. Look at it as an investment and not an expense.

It took 15 years of searching before I finally found my purpose.  Some may think this is a long time.  I don’t see it that way.  Living your whole life and never finding your purpose, like so many people do, is very sad.  Although it took years, I believe I found mine at just the right time.

A few find their passion quickly.  Their time investment is short and they are very fortunate.  However, these people can also miss some of the trials and errors and the personal development they gain along the way.  It’s a trade off.

If you want to find your purpose bad enough, you will do what it takes.  If you don’t, you won’t.  Proof is all around us.  Many people have put finding their passion on the back burner.  The reasons for doing so are countless.  But the reasons are not nearly as important as the consequences.

Living an entire life and never finding what you’re passionate about or what you’re called to do is a steep sacrifice.  In a sense, one trades his or her whole life for a less-than-best life from what they could have had.  Pretty harsh trade off, don’t you think?

I say that because I know first-hand how my energy level, inner fulfillment and dreams have grown since answering the million dollar question regarding my own purpose.  It truly has given me a different outlook in a multitude of ways, as well as shown me why I am passionate regarding certain things.

There are keys about yourself (that you may not even be aware of) which will assist your search in the right direction.  They will even enlighten you along the way.

You also need to understand that finding your purpose will change things.  The way you look at your life and what you value is likely to change.  You will look and feel differently about yourself.  You will know that you know and it will be very difficult to explain to anyone else at the level you understand it.  Clarity on many things you have previously questioned will abound.

You will also likely realize that certain tasks and duties you currently do are likely to be less important.  This can be both good and bad.  The realization of your purpose, though, is not free.  Like anything in this world, there is a price to pay for things of great value.

So, are you still ready to go on this search which will change your life?

Next week, we will look at what some of those keys are.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 11 (Final)

Attracting healthy love is something we do because of the person we become.  This is the final segment of this series.

The Attracting Healthy Love series has been filled with healthy, positive and thought provoking ideas.  I wish I could tell you all of it is my own insight but that would be far from true.  The ideas shared are a collection of common denominators, some from experts who have been studying relationships before I was even a twinkle in my parent’s eyes.

I encourage you to review these from time to time. Although there are literally dozens of different subjects we could have gone into in-depth, the ones we have touched base on are a great platform from which to build on.  And, like anything we build, a healthy foundation is the basis that keeps all of it from falling apart.

You have your list.  Update it as needed. This is your centerpiece for attracting the right kind of person to you.  Remember what I said, there is magic in reading it out loud.   Take this seriously. Make your written list part of your life, just as you do your personal hygiene.

Remember you cannot attract someone to you that you are not willing to first become.  In your mind, if you can picture a beautiful, gentle, thoughtful person you want as a partner, you first have to become that person.

For some, attracting and finding Mr. or Ms. Right will be difficult.  For others, this concept is somewhat familiar.  It depends on where you come from and what your past has been.  Regardless of where you are, there is a learning curve.  Allow yourself grace to work through this.

Whether or not you can believe, you are worth so much more than you realize.  Too often we devalue our self-worth because of fear, the fear of not finding the right person.  The result is we settle for less than the best. 

Remember, as a rule, no one will ever value or love you any more than you value or love yourself.  If you want someone to think the world of you, you need to think the world of yourself.  I am not talking about narcissism.  I am talking about loving yourself and knowing how valuable you are as a person.

If you don’t love yourself first, how can you possibly love someone else? Love runs on a two way street, not one way.  As unfortunate as it is, many people go through life with a low self-esteem.  Look at how many people look down when they are walking. It’s sad.

Lastly, if you’re willing to adopt new healthy habits, you will substantially increase your chances of attracting healthy love into your life. More times than not, it is the little things repeated daily which make all the difference, not the less frequent bigger things.

Attracting healthy love will take practice.  There will be trial and error, so expect it.  It’s changing how you think, what you believe to be true, and accepting that we may not have all the answers.  Taking these ideas and implementing them into your life is easy to talk about, harder to do, and it won’t work every time.  But what it is guaranteed to do is change who you are becoming.  And that is the key to attracting who you want into your life.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed!

Expectations & Communication ~ Part 10

What are your expectations regarding Mr. or Ms. Right?

This is part 10 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

It has been said that some of the most brilliant ideas are also some of the most obvious.  I would say that communicating your expectations falls right in line with this.

Although communicating your expectations will probably not be something you do right off the bat when dating, but it will be vital if you can see yourself long-term with this person.  Because of this, sharing your beliefs and coming to a mutual understanding on certain topics is essential.

I have heard stories about couples who got married and failed to discuss financial matters, having or raising children, beliefs in God, family values and individual goals beforehand.  I can’t understand how things of such importance were overlooked, but they were.  Don’t let this be you.

Here are several things to consider: how does each of you view money?  Do you save or spend?  Do both of you like / want kids?  If so, how many?  What are your individual parenting styles?  Will God be a part of your marriage?  Where will you attend church?  Have you clearly shared your dreams, goals and aspirations with each other?  Will you live where you currently are or is re locating an option for the future?

Another area which is often not communicated is sexual expectations.  Although this can be a difficult area of discussion, it is important.  Past partners (if any) can sometimes set standards that may or may not be realistic for Mr. or Ms. Right. 

Society, certain magazines, pornography and Hollywood-like influences can also create unrealistic expectations.  Be aware of this.  The pressure to be a sexual superstar runs high in our culture.  Communicate your feelings and thoughts from the beginning.  Then there is never a void between the two of you.  If you can talk openly about sex, chances are you can talk about everything else that is important.

Your best policy is to keep the line of communication open right from the beginning with regard to what you hold sacred, what you value and what your non-negotiables are.

Make sure you are able to share your frustrations and concerns.  The art of genuinely listening is rare and should be held in high regard.  Most times people don’t want an answer, they want to be heard and understood.  Make sure your special someone is a listener.  The last thing anyone wants is to be fixed after going through a tough day at work.

Of the marriages that fail, a lack of communication is generally at the heart of the problem.  If you can master heartfelt communication early on, you will substantially increase your odds of attracting and keeping healthy love.

Next week is part 11, the final chapter in this series of Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 9

We all have a love style.  Do you know yours?

This is part nine in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.

The way in which you feel loved is a critical piece to making a healthy relationship last long-term.  Each one of us has a primary love style (love language) that makes us feel loved.

For example, some people feel loved by receiving gifts.  Others feel loved by simply being touched.  Sharing positive encouraging words, doing acts of service for that special person or sharing quality time, are all different styles in which we feel loved.

Each one of us has a primary and a secondary love style.  Knowing what makes us feel loved is an important piece of the puzzle when attracting healthy love into our lives. 

Just like the different personality styles, there is no right or wrong.  Your love style is the style you were born with as a child.  You felt loved then the same way you do today, only in a more intimate, mature way.

Many times, in the past when I have coached people about obtaining healthy relationships in their lives, I am reminded that many people are simply not aware they even have a love style.  To this I say: if you don’t know what actions make you feel loved, how will you be aware of what actions are necessary for your spouse to feel loved?

Love is a verb.  It is more than just saying I love you.  We show our love in our daily actions.  The majority of time, by nature, we tend to show love to our special someone the same way we like to receive love.  Although this is not necessarily bad, it is not always correct.

Our spouse needs to be loved according to their style, not just how we think they should feel love.  The person who is fueled by being touched, is not going to feel love the same way by being told positive, affirming compliments.  Both are important but in this example, physical touch will flood their heart with love far better than anything else.

Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of: The five Love Languages is an expert in this area.  If you are serious about attracting healthy love, I recommend reading his book and studying the styles.  You need to know and understand your style.  Then you will begin to understand how Mr. or Ms. Right will need to feel loved when they come into your life.

Next week we will go into part 10 in Attracting Healthy Love, Expectations.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.

Your Attitude ~ Part 8

Do you have the right attitude to attract Mr. or Ms. Right? 
 This is part 8 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.
 There is an old saying that says:  Is your attitude worth catching?    This valid question demands and answer.  Combine this with searching for the perfect person and we create an interesting dynamic within ourselves.
 Many years ago, prior to dating my wife, I sometimes browsed the personal ads in newspapers.  (this was before the on line dating scene)  While viewing them, several common denominators became clear to me about the people looking for that special someone.  In large, most seemed to be looking for what they could get, not what they could give. 
 Creating and building a healthy loving relationship is an attitude.  It is a mindset that expresses our core beliefs about the way we think a relationship should be.  As I said earlier in this series, if the results you have received up to this point have not yielded you the results you are looking for, then something needs to change.
 That change, more than likely, is your attitude.  Very few people want to be around someone who has a poor attitude.  It's draining and repelling.  I have met people who some would call successful but have a crappy attitude.  The result is, people don't want to be around them.  On the other side of the coin, I have met people who have little but their attitude shines like the sun and they attract multitudes of friends.
 Carrying a positive, supportive attitude around with you each day is essential if you are going to attract the right kind of person into your life.  You cannot have a poor attitude and expect that special person to show up in your life and bring you a positive one.  To think this way is naive.
 Take an honest look at yourself.  Is your attitude worth catching?  Ask your employer.  They will tell you the truth.  Better yet, look at your last performance review.  This could be a good way for you to see how others view your attitude.  The attitude you carry at your work, should be the same attitude you carry in your personal life.  If it's not, you may want to ask yourself why this is. 
 Having a good attitude does not mean everything is perfect either.  It means you are choosing to look past the struggles and challenges of the present and not let it bring you down.  Yes, attitude is a choice and it will make all the difference in the world when it comes to you attracting the kind of spouse you desire.
 So, if Mr. or Ms. Right presented themselves today, can you say your attitude would be one they would want to be around? 
 Next week is part 9 in the series of Attracting Healthy Love.
 Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed. 

Attracting Healthy Love ~ Part 7

Remember the list I asked you to make several weeks ago?  Did you do it?  This week, we are going to touch base on your list and what it means to you.  

If you do not have a list made or are unsure of what I am referring to, feel free to go back to the first and second weeks of this series.
 
This is week seven in the series: Attracting Healthy Love.
 
There is power in a written list.  People who are goal setters are well aware of this.  Writing heartfelt things and reviewing them often, tends to have magic in it.  That magic is more of an attraction.
 
Your list should include things that are important to you in finding your special someone.  As a reminder, there should not be anything on the list which includes the words: I do not want or I do not like...  If you have this on your list, remove it immediately.  

As a general rule, 20 things might be too much and 10 might not be enough.  Feel free to be specific, as it is not the same as being picky.  This is your life we are talking about, your lifelong spouse, friend and companion

Too often people sell themselves short in finding what they really want.   They are too afraid they will never find the right someone, so they settle for second or third best.  When they do this, we know how the story turns out.  For a period of time they deal with it.  Then they become frustrated, and finally, they find themselves miserable.

As we grow in maturity and responsibility, so do our needs and desires.  There is nothing wrong with this.  Just make sure your list is as accurate to your true inner self as possible.
 
A few things to remember: In the bigger picture, our bodies, desires and interests can and do change.  That is life.  When I was 21, I had most of the hair I was born with.  By the age of 28, I had very little.  Now, what is left is turning grey!  Oh how lucky I am.

Keep the main things the main things and let go of the insignificants.  If you’re hung up on an exact height and weight and refuse to deviate, you may need a checkup from the neck up.
 

Read your list, out loud, several times a week, even daily if possible.  You need to hear yourself say out loud what you want in a spouse.  Then continue to work on yourself.  Deal with the past and get through the hurts.  You can never be too good for Mr. or Ms. Right.

Next week, we will look at part 8 on Attracting Healthy Love.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed!