Moving too fast too soon usually causes a lot of unnecessary pain. Too often, this is done by making long-term choices based on short-term feelings.
Feelings come and go. In general, they are like the wind. Love, lust, happiness and sadness, they flow constantly. What we must understand is, we do not make long-term choices based on ongoing changes in our feelings.
Sometimes, when feelings and emotions are running wide open, moving in together seems to be the best thing to do. For whatever reason, our society even applauds it. This I have never understood nor find any logic to it. A couple who wants to “play house” and truly think this is the right thing is more than likely setting themselves up for disaster, especially if this is done early in the relationship.
Need I say this again? Making long-term choices based on short-term feelings is stupid! How many times have we heard: “Well, I need to see if we are compatible” or “this will help us make sure we’re right for each other.” These are the craziest and most ridiculous ideas I have ever heard.
Healthy relationships are built on solid, successful principals and commitment, not feelings. They always have been and always will be. If you’re twisted up over which way the roll of toilet paper goes on, or if the cap is left off the toothpaste, you have far deeper issues to deal with than finding the right person!
Why would anyone want to join their life to someone with whom they are truly not committed? (Aside from a roommate, of course.) Ask any couple who has been married 20 plus years, they will tell you, commitment, not feelings, made and kept their marriage.
If children or teenage kids are involved, you better think long and hard before disrupting their home. That is, move them somewhere, or move someone else into their home. You may think it is a great idea but the consequences for doing so can have life-long effects.
Your kids need to see you make good choices. They need a good example set for them. It’s tough being a kid. Their bodies are changing, they’re growing up and they are receiving peer pressure from all sides. What they need the most is a stable, secure home life with parent(s) who are committed to them, not the latest flavor of the month.
I have seen a young mom move her and her young daughter in and out of several of her boy friend’s homes over the course of just two years. All because she thought they each were the “right one.” We may never know the impact of how damaging that mom’s choices were to her daughter.
Moving in together is not a game nor is it practice for the real deal. Do you really want to attract the right kind of love into your life? Are you serious about finding the right person? If so, then get serious with this stuff! What feels right is not always the right thing to do!
If each of us did everything we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, our society would resemble more of a circus than it would stability.
Stay tuned. Next week we are going to cover the single most important aspect of every healthy relationship. Need a hint? It starts with a “C”
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
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