Week 2 of 7 - Healthy Relationships

Last week, in my 7-part series, I covered some of the basics around bitterness and resentment. This week we are going to do an overview of anger so if you missed last week’s message, feel free to go back and review before going on to this week’s message. It may help you make the most of the information as a whole.

Growing up with a father who had a lot of anger bottled up inside him was not always easy. Because of his short fuse and throwing fits, often times I feared the man. Not the healthiest viewpoint to have of your own dad! I knew he loved me, or at least I felt that he did, but love and anger are quite different. At times people try to put these two in opposing courts or call them “opposites” but I disagree with that statement. It is very real to love somebody but be very angry with them. In fact, to take this one step further, being angry too much of the time, regardless if you love someone or not, can be destructive.

To a large degree, anger comes from nothing more than when we are faced with a blocked goal or agenda. Whether it is with our kids, our co-workers or family, our human nature wants us to get our own way. Kids are a shining example of this. As parents, we have to teach them compromise, sharing, and what it is to give a little. We are born with our selfish nature of getting what we want, and when we don’t, we can become angry. What’s interesting is that younger kids and some adults can become angry when they don’t get their way, yet there can be 30, 40 and even 50 years difference in age. This alone tells us something: age does not always play a part in maturity when it comes to anger.

I have read and heard it said before that anger is more of a symptom of something deeper than it is anything else. You and I see the anger through other people because it is the reaction of the actual problem. Much like when we have a headache, the headache itself is not the problem. This is your body’s way of telling us that something is wrong. But just like the headache, way too often we want to treat the headache and not the real problem. Unfortunately, our society and culture have adopted this idea as normal. We don’t want to fix the real problem, we only want to fix the symptom. Not an ideal plan for long-term health.

Anger also comes from holding things in and not expressing them or dealing with them. Past hurts, disappointments, or evil doings that had an adverse affect on us. Even emotions that we hold deep inside rather than let go and sort through can plant the seeds of anger inside us. Yes, it comes from many different places and if it is left untouched and not dealt with, the collateral damage this can cause usually will be very destructive. Not just for the person who harbors it, but those around them as well.

To a degree, our culture, our way of life has impressed upon many people that normal emotions and feelings should be suppressed rather than dealt with. Maybe this mindset comes from the previous generation, maybe to some it is a sign of weakness. After all, crying and letting out what’s on the inside is still not widely accepted. So we bury it deep down inside ourselves hoping it will go away. When in fact, it does not go away but rather it manifests itself and grows, usually coming out as anger some point down the road. I have read that many times, it is years and years of bottling up past hurts which later in life cause anger and even health issues.

Admitting you have an anger issue is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength, even a sign of intelligence. When we ask for help, or seek for further understanding, we are admitting the level of understanding we currently have is no longer sufficient. Anger is a symptom of something deeper. If you can see this and recognize it for what it is, then you have started down the path to healing, while increasing your own awareness of who you truly are.

Have a great weekend everyone, be blessed.