This is the 1st week of my 7 part series on unhealthy relationships. This week, I am covering the topics of bitterness and resentment and how they affect us. I would encourage you to keep this series and reflect back on it as needed. While this message may not give you the answers you seek today, reflecting back a few months from now may give you the answers you are seeking to find.
Bitterness and resentment often times share a lot of the same characteristics and is not hard to see. When we witness someone acting out verbally toward another person who has hurt them, it’s obvious isn’t it? You have a conversation with one of your best friends and you are listening to them carry on about how their ex-spouse has hurt them or made them feel, months, even sometimes years after the hurtful event has taken place. As you listen to the tone in their voice, you can tell, can’t you? Their voice gets a little louder and their body language changes. They hold some form of bitterness and/or resentment toward there ex-spouse. All too often, it cannot be ignored.
I am not talking about just a hurtful memory here, I am talking about a feeling and an emotion that is pulled up from memory and creates anger within. This is holding onto bitterness and resentment in its finest form. Another way to explain it, that I have often heard, is: “skeletons in the closet”. Either way, there is some unfinished business that should and needs to be dealt with. Unfortunately, too many times people either do not see they hold the resentment or they just do not want to get over it. It’s almost as if they think that carrying around the bitterness will somehow get back at that person who scorned them. Nothing could be further from the truth.
When we hold resentment and bitterness in, it does NOTHING to the other person. To think otherwise is absurd. The only person it is affecting is us. It affects our health, our attitude, it steals our joy and peace. Plus, it has a tendency to consume our thoughts. It is as if our brain is trying to make us believe that if we hold onto the bitterness long enough, the other person who hurt us will get sick. Ironically enough, it is us who hold the negative thoughts that will get sick. You could say that this is karma at its finest.
Dealing with hurtful, past events is essential if we are ever going to be able to move on emotionally and mentally. I know for me, years ago, there was a time when I would think about how much hurt my dad caused my entire family. I would find myself becoming tense, angry, mad and just wanted so badly for him to pay for all the damage he had caused. What I didn’t see was I was carrying with me the seeds of destruction! Later, I came to realize this (with some help) and it moved me to let go of the bitterness and deal with it. Was it easy? Absolutely not! Did it involve facing something I didn’t want to? Yes it did, but I had to do it. I had had so much hurt, sadness and destruction in my life that I desperately wanted to find peace and happiness. My guess is most everyone is like that. They have to reach a point where they are ready for a change before they will make a change.
Bitterness and resentment should be signs that tell us we have unresolved hurts from the past to deal with. Most of the time, when we do not deal with these, they will grow and could get out of control. Don’t let this be you! If you sense that you are harboring bitterness and/or resentment, admitting it is always the first step. Acknowledging the issue at hand is also 40% of the battle in fixing it.
Removing these destructive feelings / emotions from your life will assist you in reaching a new life. It will not be easy. I know because I was there, but I also know how rewarding it is to be released from the bondage it can hold over us.
Next week, we will be touching base on anger, so until then, have a great weekend everyone and be blessed.
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