Due to demand, next week, I am going to start a 7 Part series where we will do an overview of living in healthy relationships. Much like we need to have a healthy body, healthy activities and a healthy mind, we also need to have the same in our relationships.
Years ago, I had a wake-up call to the number of relationships all around us that consist of guilt, manipulation, anger, bitterness, resentment, belittling and enabling. Some may have only one or two components of these, while others may have more. Either way, any relationship that holds any of these characteristics in it, are not healthy and can cause or will add personal destruction.
I am going to take one of these dysfunctions each week and do an overview of them and discuss exactly why these take place, why people allow them into there relationships and what you can do to end this destructive behavior.
So stay tuned, next week we will kick off week one and cover the basics of these destructive behaviors. Hopefully this will shed light on what some refer to as a “dark subject”.
Until then, be blessed and have a great weekend everyone.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Staying Persistant
Working with and being around as many people as I do, I am fortunate enough to hear a lot of great stories about people’s lives and their struggles. I have always enjoyed hearing listening to those “defining moments” when someone’s life could have went several different ways and quite frankly, I never seem to get tired of hearing about peoples lives.
I have heard stories about what it was like being raised by parents who made it through the great depression (and their beliefs and behaviors because of that) as well as what it is like to be married to the same person for 60 years. Years ago, I heard a story about a little Girl who had the privilege of sitting on her great, great Grandfather’s knee for the first time when she was just four years old. Only days before he passed away. Rarely do I ever hear the same story twice and always enjoy those times when I am told about a small piece of time from someone’s life. With these stories...there often seems to be a "turning point" or a "fine thread" that has held someone’s life together while they were going through or enduring an event that was in their life’s path.
Our history books are full of stories about men and women who have gone through great trials and struggles on their life’s journey. We can pick up a book and read about them almost anywhere. Yet, the common denominator with the ones who overcame and came out on top were that they all seemed to persist, no matter what happened to them or what they had to go through. Just the other night, I was watching a TV show called: "I Shouldn’t Be Alive". There were several stories of people who were faced with life and death challenges and when all the odds were against them, they still overcame and chose life, all because they took one more step and persisted. Now I am sure this is not the case for every single person, but this common thread of persistence, demands further attention.
A few examples here are the real life stories of average people who refused to give up and more importantly, they refused to give up on themselves. Time and time again we can look back and see where persistence paid huge dividends. Truth be known, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Kernel Sanders, Babe Ruth, Winston Churchill and Walt Disney, were all failures. Many, MANY times they tried and worked and pushed to only be rejected, and were met with disappointment. The one thing every one of them did, regardless of what happened to them, they persisted and continued to move forward! Back in their days, few people knew of these great men. Today though, everybody knows who they are and what they did, simply because of one common trait: persistence.
Jack Canfield, the Co-Author of Chicken Soup for the Soul approached 124 publishers before he finally found one that said yes to his book. Today, the Chicken Soup for the Soul series has reached millions of homes all over the globe and has been printed into 54 different languages. Back then, no one really knew who Jack Canfield was, but today everyone knows of his Chicken Soup for the Soul series, largely due to his persistence.
I know it is easy to become frustrated and want to quit. When I was younger, I quit several things. But as I grew up, I realized that the price for giving up too soon was very costly and, in some cases, could be life altering. If all of those men I mentioned had given up too soon, what would our world look like today? How different would we be living? Sure, other people may have stepped in and filled their roles, but because they persisted, you and I get to enjoy the fruits of their accomplishments. Overall, I think there is everything to gain by being persistent and there is everything to lose by not.
In tough and hard times, above all, persist. If you think about it, the other choice (quitting) is not really a choice at all. If you will keep pushing forward, no matter what comes your way, no matter how bad it seems, as long as you don’t quit, the only thing that can eventually happen for you is success. Thousands and thousands of men and women before us have already proven that persistence pays off. So go ahead…keep going... persist! Your reward is waiting for you!
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
I have heard stories about what it was like being raised by parents who made it through the great depression (and their beliefs and behaviors because of that) as well as what it is like to be married to the same person for 60 years. Years ago, I heard a story about a little Girl who had the privilege of sitting on her great, great Grandfather’s knee for the first time when she was just four years old. Only days before he passed away. Rarely do I ever hear the same story twice and always enjoy those times when I am told about a small piece of time from someone’s life. With these stories...there often seems to be a "turning point" or a "fine thread" that has held someone’s life together while they were going through or enduring an event that was in their life’s path.
Our history books are full of stories about men and women who have gone through great trials and struggles on their life’s journey. We can pick up a book and read about them almost anywhere. Yet, the common denominator with the ones who overcame and came out on top were that they all seemed to persist, no matter what happened to them or what they had to go through. Just the other night, I was watching a TV show called: "I Shouldn’t Be Alive". There were several stories of people who were faced with life and death challenges and when all the odds were against them, they still overcame and chose life, all because they took one more step and persisted. Now I am sure this is not the case for every single person, but this common thread of persistence, demands further attention.
A few examples here are the real life stories of average people who refused to give up and more importantly, they refused to give up on themselves. Time and time again we can look back and see where persistence paid huge dividends. Truth be known, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Kernel Sanders, Babe Ruth, Winston Churchill and Walt Disney, were all failures. Many, MANY times they tried and worked and pushed to only be rejected, and were met with disappointment. The one thing every one of them did, regardless of what happened to them, they persisted and continued to move forward! Back in their days, few people knew of these great men. Today though, everybody knows who they are and what they did, simply because of one common trait: persistence.
Jack Canfield, the Co-Author of Chicken Soup for the Soul approached 124 publishers before he finally found one that said yes to his book. Today, the Chicken Soup for the Soul series has reached millions of homes all over the globe and has been printed into 54 different languages. Back then, no one really knew who Jack Canfield was, but today everyone knows of his Chicken Soup for the Soul series, largely due to his persistence.
I know it is easy to become frustrated and want to quit. When I was younger, I quit several things. But as I grew up, I realized that the price for giving up too soon was very costly and, in some cases, could be life altering. If all of those men I mentioned had given up too soon, what would our world look like today? How different would we be living? Sure, other people may have stepped in and filled their roles, but because they persisted, you and I get to enjoy the fruits of their accomplishments. Overall, I think there is everything to gain by being persistent and there is everything to lose by not.
In tough and hard times, above all, persist. If you think about it, the other choice (quitting) is not really a choice at all. If you will keep pushing forward, no matter what comes your way, no matter how bad it seems, as long as you don’t quit, the only thing that can eventually happen for you is success. Thousands and thousands of men and women before us have already proven that persistence pays off. So go ahead…keep going... persist! Your reward is waiting for you!
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Adding Value to Others
Something I have come to learn and understand about raising two daughters is that it is not always easy. Rewarding? Yes, very much so, but it has brought along its fair amount of challenges. With both of my daughters currently being under the age of ten, I am already trying to instill in them what it is to have chores and pick things up after they use them, putting their clothes where they belong and just teaching them responsibility. Personally, I don’t think there is too young of an age to teach this, we just need to make sure that, as parents, were are not being unrealistic in what to expect from them.
My Mom and Dad taught me how to work and how to be responsible fairly early in my life. I am so thankful for this because as I became a teenager and entered the work force, it was easy for me show up on time and do the best job I could, wherever I was working. Calling in sick was just something I don’t ever remember doing. I am sure I did once or twice, but I never used that as an excuse to not go to work. In the words of my dad, “You signed up to do a job, by golly you better be there to do it.”
As I get older and continue to learn more about life and the world around me, the more I realize there is a big element kids need today that even I was not taught growing up. In fact I don’t even recall ever hearing much about it until I was in my late twenties and even then, still did not totally understand what it was and how it affected me. High schools don’t teach it. I am not even sure many colleges teach it. What I am talking about here is adding value: value to our employers and value to the people that we serve. But what does this term really mean? What does it mean to add value to others?
When we add value to somebody we are going above the standard of what we are called to do. Adding value can also come through our willingness or our perception of things. Our personal efficiency at a task could be considered adding value. Some would say it is a lot like being an over-achiever. All of these things bring value to others, no doubt, but to take this a little deeper, what I am talking about here is a mindset and an attitude to back it up.
Unfortunately, our society is making a shift toward the mindset of: “what’s in it for me.” I hate to say it but it is true. Taking on a mindset of adding value to others is completely contradictory to this selfish way of thinking. When I hear our younger generation say this, I respond with, “Everything is in it for you if you will understand it is not about you”. Adding value is about giving, not about taking and when we give more to others than they are expecting, we build them up and help to increase them. In return, by building them up, we are also building ourselves up at the same time. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually, we grow when we give more and add value to someone else.
Take this next week and think of ways you can add more value to someone around you. How can you build them up and help them to succeed? Even if it is only in a small way, bringing more value to someone will come back to each of us, once we have given it. Then, as we bring more value to others, we become more valuable. It’s a win / win circle. Not only that, people like to be around givers, they don’t usually like to be around takers.
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
My Mom and Dad taught me how to work and how to be responsible fairly early in my life. I am so thankful for this because as I became a teenager and entered the work force, it was easy for me show up on time and do the best job I could, wherever I was working. Calling in sick was just something I don’t ever remember doing. I am sure I did once or twice, but I never used that as an excuse to not go to work. In the words of my dad, “You signed up to do a job, by golly you better be there to do it.”
As I get older and continue to learn more about life and the world around me, the more I realize there is a big element kids need today that even I was not taught growing up. In fact I don’t even recall ever hearing much about it until I was in my late twenties and even then, still did not totally understand what it was and how it affected me. High schools don’t teach it. I am not even sure many colleges teach it. What I am talking about here is adding value: value to our employers and value to the people that we serve. But what does this term really mean? What does it mean to add value to others?
When we add value to somebody we are going above the standard of what we are called to do. Adding value can also come through our willingness or our perception of things. Our personal efficiency at a task could be considered adding value. Some would say it is a lot like being an over-achiever. All of these things bring value to others, no doubt, but to take this a little deeper, what I am talking about here is a mindset and an attitude to back it up.
Unfortunately, our society is making a shift toward the mindset of: “what’s in it for me.” I hate to say it but it is true. Taking on a mindset of adding value to others is completely contradictory to this selfish way of thinking. When I hear our younger generation say this, I respond with, “Everything is in it for you if you will understand it is not about you”. Adding value is about giving, not about taking and when we give more to others than they are expecting, we build them up and help to increase them. In return, by building them up, we are also building ourselves up at the same time. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually, we grow when we give more and add value to someone else.
Take this next week and think of ways you can add more value to someone around you. How can you build them up and help them to succeed? Even if it is only in a small way, bringing more value to someone will come back to each of us, once we have given it. Then, as we bring more value to others, we become more valuable. It’s a win / win circle. Not only that, people like to be around givers, they don’t usually like to be around takers.
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Week 7 of 7 on changing our beliefs.
This is the last week of my 7 part series on how to change our beliefs. Feel free to go back and review over all seven weeks and recap all of this information. Myself, I have found that reading things over and over, substantially increase the rate at which I am able to retain what I read.
A few key points you and I need to never forget is, our beliefs control every aspect of our lives. Everything we say or do, how we act, how we dress, even the people we hang around with. All of this is directly tied to our beliefs, so don’t think it doesn’t matter, because all of it matters. It’s all tied together and directs our lives. Thus having a belief about our self or about our life which is not healthy will cause our lives to have an outcome that is less favorable than what we desire. A great example of this: just recently, a friend of mine came to me and admitted he now realizes that he is not the strong salesman he thought he was. For years, he had believed he was a great salesman so he pursued sales jobs. Over time though, he has found, after having several sales jobs, he was not the dynamic salesperson he thought he was. It was simply his belief about himself that led him down a path which equaled some disappointing setbacks. It took failure from those jobs for him to realize that his belief about himself was doing more harm for him than good.
Allow yourself to make the necessary changes you need. Plain and simple: you have to let go of what you know now to get something more than you ever thought you could have. This is essential. I also know it is one of the hardest things to do. The only way change comes easy for us, is when it is our own idea. If I, or your spouse or your boss or your family member wants you to change, it will be difficult. So allowing yourself to change and adapt to a new way of thinking, ensures your success to do so. When doing this, keep in mind that your old belief, the one which you are working on replacing, will try very hard to stay in control and direct your life. In fact, it will throw a big enough fit, that there will be an internal battle take place between what you’ve always known and that which you are wanting. This is where the wanting to change will be your golden key. Without the want, it will be way too easy to lose sight of the goal and turn back to familiar territory.
The last point to know here is that, along with change, opposition will come, especially if there is a big reward at the end. To think otherwise is naive. Mentally, emotionally and physically, all three of these will push back as you make changes for yourself and your life. Expect it, know it and just accept it. Don’t fight it. Fighting it does no good and will only waste your time and energy. Instead, learn how to roll with it. Understanding that with change and challenge, life has a way of testing us and making us prove we want something better, that we are willing to fight for it and not give up. The opposition you will get does NOT mean you shouldn’t do it and it does not mean you are heading in the wrong direction, its just life’s way of testing you to see how serious you are, about
wanting something better. All too often though, people mistake the opposition as a roadblock and so they return to what they have always known, which is their comfort zone. An unfamiliar gravel road is far from a road block, it is just a different-looking road that is not yet paved. Go ahead and take it, don’t be afraid. That new road is there for you. Let it feel weird, let if feel different, that’s ok. There is a great reward waiting for you near the end of this new road so don’t give up too soon.
Now, put some action behind changing your beliefs. Take that next step. Put action into your plan and move forward. You now have what is needed to make the changes you seek. Don’t worry about having everything perfect and all lined out. Start today and as you go, you can make those adjustments or additions along the way because NOTHING will change for you until you take action.
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
A few key points you and I need to never forget is, our beliefs control every aspect of our lives. Everything we say or do, how we act, how we dress, even the people we hang around with. All of this is directly tied to our beliefs, so don’t think it doesn’t matter, because all of it matters. It’s all tied together and directs our lives. Thus having a belief about our self or about our life which is not healthy will cause our lives to have an outcome that is less favorable than what we desire. A great example of this: just recently, a friend of mine came to me and admitted he now realizes that he is not the strong salesman he thought he was. For years, he had believed he was a great salesman so he pursued sales jobs. Over time though, he has found, after having several sales jobs, he was not the dynamic salesperson he thought he was. It was simply his belief about himself that led him down a path which equaled some disappointing setbacks. It took failure from those jobs for him to realize that his belief about himself was doing more harm for him than good.
Allow yourself to make the necessary changes you need. Plain and simple: you have to let go of what you know now to get something more than you ever thought you could have. This is essential. I also know it is one of the hardest things to do. The only way change comes easy for us, is when it is our own idea. If I, or your spouse or your boss or your family member wants you to change, it will be difficult. So allowing yourself to change and adapt to a new way of thinking, ensures your success to do so. When doing this, keep in mind that your old belief, the one which you are working on replacing, will try very hard to stay in control and direct your life. In fact, it will throw a big enough fit, that there will be an internal battle take place between what you’ve always known and that which you are wanting. This is where the wanting to change will be your golden key. Without the want, it will be way too easy to lose sight of the goal and turn back to familiar territory.
The last point to know here is that, along with change, opposition will come, especially if there is a big reward at the end. To think otherwise is naive. Mentally, emotionally and physically, all three of these will push back as you make changes for yourself and your life. Expect it, know it and just accept it. Don’t fight it. Fighting it does no good and will only waste your time and energy. Instead, learn how to roll with it. Understanding that with change and challenge, life has a way of testing us and making us prove we want something better, that we are willing to fight for it and not give up. The opposition you will get does NOT mean you shouldn’t do it and it does not mean you are heading in the wrong direction, its just life’s way of testing you to see how serious you are, about
wanting something better. All too often though, people mistake the opposition as a roadblock and so they return to what they have always known, which is their comfort zone. An unfamiliar gravel road is far from a road block, it is just a different-looking road that is not yet paved. Go ahead and take it, don’t be afraid. That new road is there for you. Let it feel weird, let if feel different, that’s ok. There is a great reward waiting for you near the end of this new road so don’t give up too soon.
Now, put some action behind changing your beliefs. Take that next step. Put action into your plan and move forward. You now have what is needed to make the changes you seek. Don’t worry about having everything perfect and all lined out. Start today and as you go, you can make those adjustments or additions along the way because NOTHING will change for you until you take action.
Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Part 6 of 7 on our Beliefs.
This is part 7 of 8 of making our beliefs work for us rather than them working against us. If need be, go back and re-read the prior six lessons on this subject. Doing so will help you to make the most of this and grasp the bigger picture.
Last week I challenged you with two different tasks. The first was to find the root of why it was you believe what you do because it is the why that will help to set you free. Secondly, once you found the why, you then need to replace that belief with something different, a new phrase or even a (re-worded) affirmation to help you change what you believe.
At this point, we have addressed a handful of things you need to make the changes in order to believe something different. There is only one more piece to this equation that you will need, in order to believe in a way which will work for you and not against you. It is probably the most important piece so I have decided to save it for last, and that is: ask God to help you with your transition.
No, I am not talking about religion here or joining a church, I am talking about genuinely asking God to help you change your life for the better. After all, you are making some improvements in your life and seeking help from a source who truly cares about you and your well-being is a good idea. I lean on Him often for help and the transformation I have personally gone through over the years still leaves me in awe of what He has helped me accomplish. I look at it a lot like a Father / Son role. If you are a Father, don’t you want the best for your kids? Don’t you want them to make better choices? Doesn’t it make you feel good when your kids trust in you and seek you for help? Asking Him to help you can make a night and day difference as you move toward making the needed changes in your life. Don’t be afraid of doing this, just like a Father hopes his son or daughter will seek him for help, so also, does God.
Now we have to apply and combine these concepts and ideas to we have been talking about over the last 7 weeks and put some action to them. For it is the action that will start the process of change. Then you will need to expect things to happen. Don’t wish for them, don’t hope for them, but expect them. Know that you are worth more than what you think you are worth right now. Believe in you and believe that God will help you change. Stay focused on all of those steps and ideals we have covered. Upon taking the first step, you will find that the following steps will become easier. Mainly because success builds success and added success increases your confidence level, which empowers you to stay the course. Just like when NASA launches a space shuttle, it is the very first 18” of lift that require a tremendous amount of energy to even make it leave the earth. This is a lot like you and me when we begin to make significant changes in our lives. It takes a serious amount of effort and focus to get the process going. But like the space shuttle, once we are on our way, it becomes 10 times easier to keep going.
Next week, we will finish this series and I will leave you with some key information you will need regarding your beliefs.
Until then, have a great Friday and be blessed.
Last week I challenged you with two different tasks. The first was to find the root of why it was you believe what you do because it is the why that will help to set you free. Secondly, once you found the why, you then need to replace that belief with something different, a new phrase or even a (re-worded) affirmation to help you change what you believe.
At this point, we have addressed a handful of things you need to make the changes in order to believe something different. There is only one more piece to this equation that you will need, in order to believe in a way which will work for you and not against you. It is probably the most important piece so I have decided to save it for last, and that is: ask God to help you with your transition.
No, I am not talking about religion here or joining a church, I am talking about genuinely asking God to help you change your life for the better. After all, you are making some improvements in your life and seeking help from a source who truly cares about you and your well-being is a good idea. I lean on Him often for help and the transformation I have personally gone through over the years still leaves me in awe of what He has helped me accomplish. I look at it a lot like a Father / Son role. If you are a Father, don’t you want the best for your kids? Don’t you want them to make better choices? Doesn’t it make you feel good when your kids trust in you and seek you for help? Asking Him to help you can make a night and day difference as you move toward making the needed changes in your life. Don’t be afraid of doing this, just like a Father hopes his son or daughter will seek him for help, so also, does God.
Now we have to apply and combine these concepts and ideas to we have been talking about over the last 7 weeks and put some action to them. For it is the action that will start the process of change. Then you will need to expect things to happen. Don’t wish for them, don’t hope for them, but expect them. Know that you are worth more than what you think you are worth right now. Believe in you and believe that God will help you change. Stay focused on all of those steps and ideals we have covered. Upon taking the first step, you will find that the following steps will become easier. Mainly because success builds success and added success increases your confidence level, which empowers you to stay the course. Just like when NASA launches a space shuttle, it is the very first 18” of lift that require a tremendous amount of energy to even make it leave the earth. This is a lot like you and me when we begin to make significant changes in our lives. It takes a serious amount of effort and focus to get the process going. But like the space shuttle, once we are on our way, it becomes 10 times easier to keep going.
Next week, we will finish this series and I will leave you with some key information you will need regarding your beliefs.
Until then, have a great Friday and be blessed.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Part 5 of 7 "Beliefs"
We are now on week 5 of 7 with regard to making our beliefs work for us rather than against us. If need be, go back to the weeks prior and freshen up or reflect back. Doing so will help you to get the most from this week’s message. All past writings can be found on my blog site.
Last week I encouraged you to challenge the why it is you believe those things you wrote down on your list. No matter if you had 5 items written down or 15, they need to be tested. Are they all really yours? My guess is you found some that actually were not. If you did then congratulations is in order. Just the activity of you seeking out where they came from has given you the personal power you need to get rid of them and never take them back. Personal awareness of who we are and how we have become like we are opens the door way to letting go and growing personally.
Now let me remind you that in this process, I am not recommending or suggesting you challenge every belief you have. That is not the point of this exercise. If those things in which we believe help us or bring positive things into our life, they more than likely need not be addressed. This idea of challenging what you believe is to help empower you and break loose those chains that tie you down. Upon doing this, you are likely to experience a new-found freedom within yourself. Maybe it is a small thing or maybe it is something substantial. The point here is to sort through them one by one and put them in their rightful places, all the while you get the benefit of removing those beliefs which have held you back and obtaining those things in life that you long for.
I have always found it interesting the way which we as humans are wired. Most of us hold a deep longing to know the why behind nearly every answer. Think about this for a moment. Every time you and I are told an answer to something that we are interested in, after processing that answer, the very next thing we want to know is why. Primarily because it’s the way God created us. It is the why that helps to set us free and not remain in bondage. This “why” factor is the main reason I am spending a fair amount of time on this subject. There inside of your why, lie the keys to unlocking the changes you will need to make to give yourself the kind of life you want. No, we cannot change the why, nor should we even try. But inside each one of us is the need to know why and once we have that, it becomes far easier to move on and push through to the direction we want to go. So know your why and know it intimately, not for anyone else but yourself because if you don’t get this part of the exercise, the entire process of changing your beliefs to work for you rather than against you will have little impact in your life.
If you now have the why to all of those beliefs you have challenged, you are ready to move forward and begin “replacing them.” Yes, you are going to replace those beliefs with different beliefs, ones that work for you. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about here. If I have believed all rich people are evil and I have now realized the why of this belief, then I can change it with something like this: Not all rich people abuse and take advantage of others, there are many rich people who are very giving and do great things with their money. Then we tell ourselves statements like this out loud daily. In addition to the verbal affirmation, we also need to be looking around us at the evidence to confirm the statement we just made. We make a conscious effort and each day, choose to do this. It will not happen by itself, we must make the effort and stay consistent until we start to believe in this new way of thinking but by doing this, it will give us different results.
Next week, I will share more on verbal affirmations and the power in what we tell ourselves. Until then, have a great Friday and be blessed.
Last week I encouraged you to challenge the why it is you believe those things you wrote down on your list. No matter if you had 5 items written down or 15, they need to be tested. Are they all really yours? My guess is you found some that actually were not. If you did then congratulations is in order. Just the activity of you seeking out where they came from has given you the personal power you need to get rid of them and never take them back. Personal awareness of who we are and how we have become like we are opens the door way to letting go and growing personally.
Now let me remind you that in this process, I am not recommending or suggesting you challenge every belief you have. That is not the point of this exercise. If those things in which we believe help us or bring positive things into our life, they more than likely need not be addressed. This idea of challenging what you believe is to help empower you and break loose those chains that tie you down. Upon doing this, you are likely to experience a new-found freedom within yourself. Maybe it is a small thing or maybe it is something substantial. The point here is to sort through them one by one and put them in their rightful places, all the while you get the benefit of removing those beliefs which have held you back and obtaining those things in life that you long for.
I have always found it interesting the way which we as humans are wired. Most of us hold a deep longing to know the why behind nearly every answer. Think about this for a moment. Every time you and I are told an answer to something that we are interested in, after processing that answer, the very next thing we want to know is why. Primarily because it’s the way God created us. It is the why that helps to set us free and not remain in bondage. This “why” factor is the main reason I am spending a fair amount of time on this subject. There inside of your why, lie the keys to unlocking the changes you will need to make to give yourself the kind of life you want. No, we cannot change the why, nor should we even try. But inside each one of us is the need to know why and once we have that, it becomes far easier to move on and push through to the direction we want to go. So know your why and know it intimately, not for anyone else but yourself because if you don’t get this part of the exercise, the entire process of changing your beliefs to work for you rather than against you will have little impact in your life.
If you now have the why to all of those beliefs you have challenged, you are ready to move forward and begin “replacing them.” Yes, you are going to replace those beliefs with different beliefs, ones that work for you. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about here. If I have believed all rich people are evil and I have now realized the why of this belief, then I can change it with something like this: Not all rich people abuse and take advantage of others, there are many rich people who are very giving and do great things with their money. Then we tell ourselves statements like this out loud daily. In addition to the verbal affirmation, we also need to be looking around us at the evidence to confirm the statement we just made. We make a conscious effort and each day, choose to do this. It will not happen by itself, we must make the effort and stay consistent until we start to believe in this new way of thinking but by doing this, it will give us different results.
Next week, I will share more on verbal affirmations and the power in what we tell ourselves. Until then, have a great Friday and be blessed.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Part 4 of 7 "Beliefs"
This is week IV of changing our beliefs to make them work for us rather then against us. If needed, feel free to go back and view the prior week’s messages on this topic, you can find them on my blog. Today though, let’s go over that list you made containing those beliefs and those things that you want to change for the better.
First order of business: there has been known to be magic in a written down list. We have done it for the: honey do list, choir list, shopping list and even recently it was the Christmas shopping list. To make a list, read it aloud and then mark things off that list gives us confidence because we are able to see and measure progress. This list of beliefs you want to change works very much the same way. Remember, you gave yourself permission to examine and change some things, so honor that and don’t look back. But write it down, no, a mental list is not good enough.
Take the first item on your list and read it aloud. Then, ask yourself why is it that you believe that? What makes you believe that to be true for you? Is it a past experience, a past teaching or did your Mom and Dad teach you that? Basically, challenge the why behind the belief. Here is why: if what you believe you inherited by someone else, then the truth of it is that all you did was merely adopt that belief as your own. You didn’t create it by yourself, you got it 2nd hand or as a hand me down. Now this is not bad by any means but if it is not working for you to produce a harvest, then why not just let go of it? Simply put, it was never really yours to start with. If you didn’t create it on your own, it belongs to someone else. So… if you don’t like it and it does not work for you, then simply give it back. Much like racism, it is rarely ever conceived from one’s own self, it is inherited.
If you have a belief about something that is holding you back and it was formed through a life experience then you are going to have a harder time replacing that belief but yes, it can still be done. An example of what I am talking about here is let’s say you believe that being rich is evil (just as an example). You believe this because you have seen first hand rich people step on, mistreat, abuse and take advantage of others. So for you, rich people are evil and you relate being rich with stepping on others to get ahead. This is how your belief was formed. To change that belief, you may need to do some leg work and find those who have done a lot of good with large sums of money. Maybe even meet a few of those people who are rich, talk with them, see what there attitude is like and see the good they have done for there community or the people in it. I personally know a handful of people who are very well off and I have seen some of the good that there fortune has. Reaching out to find, examine and study those who have done great things with money can correct the belief you have that rich people take advantage of people and that’s how they get rich. Again, this is just one example I am using, there are several ways to overcome this particular subject. And remember, you need to allow yourself to believe a different way. It’s the allowing that has the power in it to transform.
The idea here is to challenge what you believe. It’s the why. I use to think that anyone who golfed in the rain was totally crazy! That was my Dad’s belief, not mine but he gave it to me when I was young and I accepted it. Until one day, when I was in my teen’s, I saw my Dad fishing the river, from the bank and not only was it pouring down rain, but it was just 34 degrees! So…when you see something like this, you have to stop and wonder: “where did I get my beliefs from”? Challenge those beliefs you have written down on your list, challenge every one of them. Are they even yours or did you just inherit them? Where did they come from and how did you end up with them? All of these questions demand a solid answer.
Next week, we will cover part 5 and go deeper with your list.
Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.
First order of business: there has been known to be magic in a written down list. We have done it for the: honey do list, choir list, shopping list and even recently it was the Christmas shopping list. To make a list, read it aloud and then mark things off that list gives us confidence because we are able to see and measure progress. This list of beliefs you want to change works very much the same way. Remember, you gave yourself permission to examine and change some things, so honor that and don’t look back. But write it down, no, a mental list is not good enough.
Take the first item on your list and read it aloud. Then, ask yourself why is it that you believe that? What makes you believe that to be true for you? Is it a past experience, a past teaching or did your Mom and Dad teach you that? Basically, challenge the why behind the belief. Here is why: if what you believe you inherited by someone else, then the truth of it is that all you did was merely adopt that belief as your own. You didn’t create it by yourself, you got it 2nd hand or as a hand me down. Now this is not bad by any means but if it is not working for you to produce a harvest, then why not just let go of it? Simply put, it was never really yours to start with. If you didn’t create it on your own, it belongs to someone else. So… if you don’t like it and it does not work for you, then simply give it back. Much like racism, it is rarely ever conceived from one’s own self, it is inherited.
If you have a belief about something that is holding you back and it was formed through a life experience then you are going to have a harder time replacing that belief but yes, it can still be done. An example of what I am talking about here is let’s say you believe that being rich is evil (just as an example). You believe this because you have seen first hand rich people step on, mistreat, abuse and take advantage of others. So for you, rich people are evil and you relate being rich with stepping on others to get ahead. This is how your belief was formed. To change that belief, you may need to do some leg work and find those who have done a lot of good with large sums of money. Maybe even meet a few of those people who are rich, talk with them, see what there attitude is like and see the good they have done for there community or the people in it. I personally know a handful of people who are very well off and I have seen some of the good that there fortune has. Reaching out to find, examine and study those who have done great things with money can correct the belief you have that rich people take advantage of people and that’s how they get rich. Again, this is just one example I am using, there are several ways to overcome this particular subject. And remember, you need to allow yourself to believe a different way. It’s the allowing that has the power in it to transform.
The idea here is to challenge what you believe. It’s the why. I use to think that anyone who golfed in the rain was totally crazy! That was my Dad’s belief, not mine but he gave it to me when I was young and I accepted it. Until one day, when I was in my teen’s, I saw my Dad fishing the river, from the bank and not only was it pouring down rain, but it was just 34 degrees! So…when you see something like this, you have to stop and wonder: “where did I get my beliefs from”? Challenge those beliefs you have written down on your list, challenge every one of them. Are they even yours or did you just inherit them? Where did they come from and how did you end up with them? All of these questions demand a solid answer.
Next week, we will cover part 5 and go deeper with your list.
Have a great Friday everyone and be blessed.
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