This is the last week of my 7-part series on living within
healthy relationships. If you have
missed any of these, feel free to go back and re-visit them all on my blog at www.scottsfridaysthoughts.blogspot.com There are great keys all throughout this
series and if you take just one thing away, which can help you make and have
healthier relationships, your time has been well spent.
In last week’s message, I made the comment that the only thing
in your life that can grow is that which you give power to. Meaning, in order for healthy relationships
to grow, you must feed them with healthy ideals. On the other side of the spectrum, this is
also how unhealthy relationships grow. Remember,
for anything to grow, it must be fed. regardless of what it is. The big question here that every one of us
have to answer is: what is it you are
feeding?
When I was younger I had many unhealthy relationships. I guess it should not have been a surprise
because I myself had unhealthy thoughts and beliefs about what a relationship
was supposed to be. Hence, I attracted
more of this kind of thing into my life along with the people around me. Regardless of whether I was doing this
consciously or unconsciously, the fact is I was feeding this way of life. During this time, I struggled with almost all
of my relationships. It was not until I reached a point of
feeling tired, worn out and finally getting mad at my present results before I
sought answers as to why my life was like it was.
What I learned was that I brought on all the dysfunction in
my life because of one main reason: that is the way I grew up and it was all I
ever knew. Therefore, I believed this way of life to be true for
me. That’s it! It’s just that simple. What we
believe to be true is what will always show itself as being dominant in our
life.
This was a pretty big wake-up call for me because when we do not know the why behind
something, it is easy to pass it off as not our own, but when we become self-aware, then we must take responsibility for the
way things are. That was not a fun
pill for me to swallow. Accepting and awakening are 2 of the 3 biggest
factors you will need if you are going to break free from the chains of living
within dysfunctional relationships. Up
to this point, I had the 2. Now, it was
time to grab a hold of the 3rd thing I needed. The thing that is probably needed the most is
a desire to change.
Years ago I had a mentor tell me over and over again: Scott, you’ve just got to want to! It took me almost a year before I truly
understood what he was telling me. It
does not matter if you are building a business, shooting for a goal or building
a church. You have to really want to do it. There has to be a hunger, a burning desire
from within, because just being casual about wanting changes in your life is
not enough. For me, I reached a place of
being sick and tired of being sick and tired and I had to have different results in my life. The internal desire that all of us have must
be kicked into high gear if we are ever going to make the uncomfortable changes
to move away from unhealthy relationships.
Like the old cliché says: when the
pain to stay the same becomes greater than the pain to make the change, you
will finally make the change.
Lastly, surround yourself with people who will support
you. Purposefully put yourself in an
environment that is conducive to making the changes you need to make. Be aware, making those initial changes will be
easier than keeping true to them. Manipulators with anger issues do not like
it when they do not get their way and go to great lengths to hold onto their
false sense of power over others.
This is where your new strong and supportive surroundings will help
carry you through those difficult times.
They will be vital if you are going to break the chains that currently
have a hold of you.
This process will not be easy, but I promise you, it will be
so worth it over the long run. Have a
great weekend everyone and be blessed.
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