Manipulation

Last week we covered the subject of guilt in our 7 part series.  This week we will be covering manipulation, another unhealthy and destructive behavior that we see happen all too often within relationships.  If you need or want to, go back and review the prior week’s topics.  There is a lot of information and sometimes it takes re-reading several times while letting it soak in before we can absorb it in its entirety.

Of all the unhealthy behaviors there are, perhaps manipulation is the most common.  There are many different variances, all the way from manipulating an object to manipulating people.  A carpenter manipulates a piece of wood when he is building a house and a mechanic manipulates a car to make it run better.  But for the continuation of our series, I am going to focus on manipulating people because that is what is destructive, non-constructive and obviously an unhealthy way to live.

Manipulation can really be summed up in one short sentence: getting people to do what you want for your own personal selfish reasons.  The subject, though, is actually very deep.  Just like guilt, manipulation is used for the personal gain of power, money, recognition, fame and even love.  Manipulation seeks itself above everything else.  It really does not care who or what is in its way, it runs over everything in its path to get what it wants, by any means necessary. 

To manipulate others is to destroy a relationship.  Primarily because it is then switched from a mutual rewarding relationship to a selfish, self interest, power trip, “what’s in it for me” situation.  To call the kettle black here, that is not a real relationship.  One of the most beautiful things about a healthy relationship is the freedom to be exactly who you really are without any repercussions of any kind.  True relationships make us feel good, they bring energy to us and brighten our day.  When manipulation is brought into the picture, it does just the opposite.  It takes from us, it can make us feel bad for just being ourselves while the other person feels they have just “won” or “gotten’ what they were after.  Again, that is not a healthy relationship. 

When I was younger, my dad often manipulated me into doing things that were clearly only for his gain.  At a young age, we really don’t know any better, so I just thought it was a normal aspect of life.  It was not until my teen years I was able to understand and realize it is not normal, nor is it healthy. 

Bosses can also be very manipulative.  In addition to keeping us on track with our tasks, I have seen them really twist things around mentally to get what they want from their employees, to the point that it is very unhealthy.  Can any of you relate to this?  Ever had a boss like this?

From everything I can see, the worst part of using manipulation is that it hurts others.  It uses them as if they were an object or a ploy placed in a spot to be used for self gratification.  It is also demeaning.  Where there is manipulation, there is no respect, and usually the person doing the manipulating is only interested in themselves with little concern of others.  Sad but true.

If you look into your relationships, can you see where manipulation may be being used?  Can you see where it might be being used on you?  I know it can be a touchy subject but there is no question that it is unhealthy, destructive and should be called out and dealt with at once.  People who use manipulation against you have a very difficult time seeing anything else but themselves and “what they get” and that is not a friendship, nor is it a relationship.  It is a self destructive bomb just waiting to go off.

Stand against this behavior.  Do not be the person who is simply used for someone else’s betterment.  That is not who you are supposed to be and it is not how God intended us to live.

Have a great Friday everyone, be blessed.